From the Heart
by ficnic
Summary: Noah loves Luke. Luke loves Reid. Reid is dead. So why are all of their futures intertwined? I changed the genres since there isn't as much angst as it began with.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Is this even necessary? No one really believes I think I own ATWT. Whatever - I don't own Luke, Noah, Reid (or else he'd be alive), Oakdale, etc.

When: Begins at the conclusion of the television show. I'll date where we are in the story by month and year. I'll sometimes break up the same scene into several chapters. I hope this isn't too annoying. It makes it more readable, and easier for me to proofread.

Warnings: Rated T for language. (Do I need to have a higher rating for the F-bomb?)

Summary: Like many, I wasn't thrilled with the last month of the Luke/Noah/Reid story. I would have preferred that Luke simply chose Noah, instead of Reid being killed off. And I know many others would've preferred that once Luke chose Reid, they would've been given a happy ending.

Neither of these things occurred. In frustration, I found myself opening a word document and typing what turned out to be my first ATWT fanfic. This is the result. I have no idea where it came from; just my imaginings of what might have transpired for these characters after the show's end. Therefore, Reid is still dead, but is somehow also an integral character here. I have purposely avoided reading ATWT fic because I didn't want to copy anyone, but I wonder if this might be one of the more Reid-focused Nuke fics you'll come across. Still, the story often reveals itself from Noah's POV (not really sure why). Don't know how OOC this will all be (or not), since I've never written these characters before.

I will update quickly and often; I can say this with some assurance, because it looks like there will be 19 chapters, and 18 of them are already completed. I won't announce when there's a POV shift, because it should be apparent from the story. If at any point it's not, however, let me know, and I will edit.

Because I wrote this as it popped into my head, the story jumps around a bit. While quite a lot happens, there's more introspection and dialogue than plot. In reading it over, I almost want to remove the elements that seem too far-fetched. But this is Oakdale, after all. The unbelievable is standard fare. So with an acknowledgement that I have no idea what I'm doing, and an appeal to suspend your disbelief - you know, like we did when watching ATWT - I can only say, I hope you enjoy reading this. Thanks.

* * *

_September 17, 2010_

Noah Mayer didn't so much have a headache. It would be more accurate to say he felt like anchored chains had been maliciously wrapped around his ankles, then blithely tossed into the deepest ocean. As he sunk further and further into the icy depths, the pain of pressure building in his head was nothing sort of vicious.

_Luke_. The single word, a handful of letters that once again commanded his every thought, every feeling, every action. As he lay sprawled face-up in the middle of his bed, Noah realized almost incredulously that he was going to cry. Again.

If he hadn't been so fucking miserable, he might've laughed. Noah Mayer, the Prince of Avoidance, was suddenly so damn in touch with his emotions he could choke on them. He thought back to the very recent past, remembering that when the going got tough, all he did was push his feelings away, with every last ounce of his strength.

Of course, doing that meant he'd had to push _Luke_ away, too. Because what was Luke, if not the primary object of so damn many of his feelings? And when he wouldn't deal with them, he _couldn't _deal with Luke.

Noah's throat actually burned from swallowing the sob that fought to surface at that thought. After spending his first day in L.A. endlessly reproaching himself for every last thing he'd ever done wrong with Luke, not only was he exhausted; he was physically raw. Yet somehow a sore throat and throbbing head were welcome. They distracted him from the overwhelming heartbreak, if only a little.

And there was no doubt about it. Reid Oliver was dead, and in a twist so surreal he couldn't have dreamed it up for a film, Noah's heart was unquestionably broken. Now _there_ was another thought he normally would've laughed at.

He couldn't help but wonder if wherever Reid was, _he_ was amused, anyway. Noah hoped so. The idea gave him a small sense of comfort. Like somehow, if Reid was some sort of bizarre angel, sitting on high and tossing out his customary barbs as he watched the world below, then Luke wouldn't have completely lost the man he loved.

Reid. The man Luke loved. _Not_ Noah. GOD, how that hurt to admit; though now, for different reasons. When Reid was alive, Noah could lie to himself. So easily he'd allowed himself to believe that what was between Luke and Reid was just a rebound romance. A passing phase; just another pesky obstacle in the epic love story of Luke and Noah.

In that scenario, no matter what Luke said, Noah had a chance with him. In Noah's mind, Luke was still in love with _him_, but Noah had pushed him so far away, it was going to take more time, effort, and patience than ever before to get him back. While Noah wasn't happy with the state of things, he could tell himself it was ok because eventually, he would win Luke back.

Then Reid pulled the ace out of his sleeve. Though admittedly, Noah doubted _he'd_ see it that way. Dr. Reid Oliver, in a race against time to save a dying man, pulled his car out in front of a train. Noah knew there was no way around it; Reid died _heroically_.

A part of Noah wished he'd already left Oakdale before it happened. That he'd broken contact with everyone, and never even known about it. Because when that train hit Reid's car, Noah's shit hit the fan. When he got the news, every pathetic lie Noah had told himself, every last self-deception crumbled spectacularly. His immediate reaction to Reid's death was abject horror. Because he knew. He _knew_, beyond a shadow of a doubt; Luke _loved_ the man.

And in knowing that, or at least finally acknowledging it, Noah saw the enormity of what had happened. When he'd heard the news, Noah didn't take time to mourn for himself, for the realization that Luke's love was lost to him. Without trying, for once Noah Mayer uncharacteristically _got over himself_, because he recognized what the hell had just happened to Luke.

The man Luke loved, the man Luke was _in love_ with, had just been killed. Just like that. Allison had told Noah that Luke needed him, and he'd wanted to go to him. To at least be there; to just offer Luke the unwavering support he needed and deserved. Still, Noah had hesitated. He hadn't known how Luke would react to his presence; whether Luke could even stand the sight of him now. Would Luke wish it was Noah who'd died instead?

Noah had immediately chastised himself for the grotesque thought. Luke wasn't like that. Luke was good and kind and loving … and _hurting_, dammit! Even momentarily entertaining the idea that Luke would wish him dead was sickening. Noah knew it had only sprung from his jealousy; _that _apparently hadn't died with Reid Oliver. He still felt bitter envy towards the doctor, even now.

Recognizing that he begrudged a dead man the love Luke had given _him _instead of Noah, Noah couldn't help but feel so damn... _petty_.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: All relevant disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: The days and weeks following Reid's death

* * *

_September 2010_

For Luke Snyder, the immediate aftermath of Reid Oliver's death played out in an endless series of disjointed moments. Some were mind-numbingly blurred, some distant and surreal, and worst of all, some gut-wrenchingly sharp and clear. Those times when the whole terrible gravity of his loss actually settled into Luke's psyche were nearly unbearable.

Luke knew it was pointless to try and make sense of the senseless, but he couldn't put the brakes on his own damn thoughts. Incessant choruses of _why why why_ and futile cries of _this is SO FUCKING UNFAIR _commanded his brain at every turn, making him feel not just helpless, but somehow selfish, and maybe even responsible. He knew very well he wasn't the only person ever to lose someone they loved, so the constant "why me"s struck him as indulgent, but godDAMMIT.

Was this cosmic payback for every mistake he'd ever committed? Did he bring this on them… on Reid? Had Reid died for the simple crime of loving the…

_SHIT_. He couldn't _believe_ how he'd nearly ended that thought. By wondering if Reid's life was taken for loving the train wreck that Luke had once been.

Of course his rational thought understood that to be ridiculous. Reid didn't die because he loved Luke. Karma wasn't extracting payment for Luke's past misdeeds through Reid's blood.

Reason told him this, but was often so thoroughly drowned by soul-crushing misery and the irrepressible guilt of simply being alive. Recriminations, no matter how unwarranted, flowed through his consciousness unchecked. Luke would rack his brain for something he could have done differently that day, some way he could have delayed Reid, or got him on his way earlier, so that he and that FUCKING train would never have met.

In his most bitter moods (they were all bitter now, just to different degrees), Luke would actually berate Reid, either simply in thought, or sometimes even aloud. He would curse the empty sky, demanding "who the HELL gets hit by a damn TRAIN? What the FUCK, Reid?" He might've been shamed at this naked anger towards Reid, but the blatant mockery in the words also felt oddly like a tribute. He knew Reid would've unapologetically found the sentiment funny.

Luke even suspected if the gods had informed Reid of the date he would die, but allowed him to pick the method, it would have been something close to what had actually occurred. If Reid Oliver had to die, then by God he'd want it to be newsworthy. Reid wouldn't care so much that people mourned, but that they'd have to _remember_, whether they wanted to or not. He would not have been a go-quietly-in-his-sleep kinda guy.

Luke perversely amused himself with the thought, then realized, no. That wasn't quite right. The man Reid was, underneath all the apparent self-aggrandizement, would've chosen differently, if only for Luke's sake.

Luke _knew_ Reid loved him… really _loved_ him… and would've chosen whatever he thought would be least painful for him. Reid could also be scathingly practical. If he couldn't use his organs anymore, the sheer inefficiency of any of them being wasted would have galled him, and a few were too damaged in the accident to be donated. These things not withstanding, though, Reid definitely might've warmed to the idea of the blaze-of-glory train wreck.

When entertaining thoughts like these, Luke felt almost crazy. It would've been one thing to discuss such things with Reid, in a heated, provocative debate. One that might've seen Luke crying foul at whatever over-the-top remark emerged from the doctor.

Reid would probably focus solely on the pragmatic aspects of how best to utilize his own organs, making some inappropriate comment or other about how they should really only go to brilliant people, for maximum return on his investment. Contemplating these things on his own, however, felt wrong to Luke. Without Reid to bring his particular brand of humor to such darkly fanciful musings, they just seemed gauche and morbid.

In fact, Luke himself mostly felt gauche and morbid nowadays. He frantically wanted to find a center within his grief that he could place himself within. Not that it would stop the unrelenting anguish.

But he dreamt that if he could just get there, to some sort of mythical solid ground within the tumultuous waves of despair, he could somehow balance himself within the maelstrom. Only then could he keep from skidding off the tightrope in his mind, and falling into nothingness entirely. As it was, Luke's grip on everything secure and grounding was less than precarious, and the palpable fear of slipping threatened to suffocate him.

He desperately yearned to escape the maddening turmoil; to somehow, some way, see _outside_ of himself. Swimming against a tide of remembrances of what he'd lost, in vain Luke tried to be thankful for all he still had. For every last blessing he still held, from the incredible family and friends who loved him, to the simplest comforts like safety and shelter. All of which he realized he possessed only through the good fortune of his birth, not through his own efforts and accomplishments.

That fact served as an effective roadblock to real gratitude. Luke wanted to remember all those who had so much less and deserved so much more than him, but doing so seemed to increase the pain tenfold. Following that thinking would mean he had no _right_ to feel this crippling agony; acknowledging how much more he had than he should would make mourning Reid feel _wrong_ somehow.

So even recognizing it wasn't right not to count his blessings, Luke steadfastly refused to do so, and that made him feel so damn... _petty_.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations can be found in Chapter 1

When: Noah reflects as he makes his way to find Luke at the pond following Reid's death

Thank you: BlueEyes444 and superlost for the kind words. I appreciate it, especially since this is my first attempt at ATWT fic.

* * *

_September 2010_

When Allison broke the news about Reid, Noah headed to Snyder pond, knowing he'd find Luke there. It didn't matter if Luke screamed at Noah. Surely Noah had earned it; the last time they'd spoken, he'd rashly told Luke they couldn't be friends. While he'd acknowledged Luke wouldn't exactly wish him dead, he just couldn't predict how Luke would feel about his reaching out.

Still, Noah longed to try. He wanted to let Luke know he would be there. Luke could tell him off, and that would have to be all right. Noah would at least make the heartfelt effort to stand by him; to comfort him; to be anything he needed.

The only person near to him Noah had ever lost was his father, and it could hardly be said they were close. Noah had loved him, despite all the evil things he'd done, but having the destructiveness and insanity out of his life wasn't something he'd considered a loss. Still, Noah was _devastated _when he'd believed the Colonel had killed himself.

There was the typical survivor's guilt, and wondering if he could have done anything to change his father's fate. But most of all, Noah mourned the fact that for his father, there would be no prospect of redemption, and no chance for reconciliation between them. Even though he'd known his father was not a good man, the loss of hope for what could have been hurt Noah immeasurably.

Because it was Noah's only experience with loss, he tried to equate it to what Luke must be feeling now, and instantly felt stupid. While it was all Noah had to go on, it was ridiculous to compare Colonel Mayer's supposed death to Reid Oliver's very real one. Noah's father was hateful and abusive.

Reid was… Reid. What the hell was Reid? Noah knew too well how he'd _liked_ to think of the man: thoughtless and selfish. With not a little embarrassment, Noah even remembered accusing Reid of using Luke. None of that held water, and Noah shamefully admitted it now. It had been easy to paint Reid as the villain, because in his mind, the guy had stolen Luke. Noah had never wanted to acknowledge he'd lost Luke all on his own.

Now it was impossible not to. And equally impossible to willfully misjudge Reid Oliver. Whatever arrogance the man held, it was warranted. Reid had given Noah his sight back when no one else could. Whatever his faults, the man saved lives. By returning Noah's sight, he'd effectively given him _his _life back.

The only problem was, to Noah, the payment Reid had extracted for his services was too high. To take the most important part of Noah's life for himself. He recognized how false this belief was now, but at the time Reid served as a perfect scapegoat. After all, he was so damn cocky and smug; it was easy to hate him.

Though Noah never truly hated him. He'd wanted to, but couldn't quite push out of his mind what the man had given him. So he'd settled for blaming Reid for stealing Luke's affections. Nevermind that it was Noah who'd thrown Luke's love right back in his face.

_Luke's love_. Luke loved Reid. Reid was dead. Finally, Noah knew exactly how to relate to what Luke must be feeling. It wasn't by trying to remember what he felt when he'd thought Colonel Mayer died, but to imagine how he'd feel if _Luke_ died.

Oh, God. Just the thought was _excruciating_. If anything happened to Luke, Noah was sure he would die. Or at least, really, really want to. Did Luke want to die right now? The idea filled him with panic.

Noah couldn't slow the tortuous swirl of thoughts that spun recklessly through his head as he made his way to the pond. When Luke saw Noah, would all he see is how foolish, stubborn, and _selfish_ he'd been? In the end, Noah had been nothing but resentful to the man who'd saved his sight. The last time he'd seen Reid Oliver, the doctor had tried to help him, by recommending a specialist to continue his care when he got to L.A. In turn, Noah had effectively spat in his face. He cringed at the memory now.

Would Luke even want condolences from Noah? Would he even _believe_ Noah was sorry Reid died? No matter. Noah didn't know if there was anything he could do to help Luke. The only thing he was certain of: he sure as hell had to _try_.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Christmastime 2010

* * *

_December 2010_

Noah had been amazed at the reception he'd received upon finding Luke at the pond after Reid's death. Luke had been, in a word, amazing. Though angry with Reid for his carelessness, Luke had been so strong through his pain. Noah could only regard him in awe. He had desperately needed to be there for Luke, and felt incredibly blessed and grateful when Luke let him.

After that, Noah had all but decided to stay in Oakdale. If there was anything he hadn't wanted, it was to leave Luke to mourn alone. So maybe Noah wasn't the most appropriate person to commiserate with over Reid, but he could damn well do it for Luke's sake. He'd discovered he could do pretty much anything for Luke's sake.

Luke, however, wouldn't hear of it. He'd somehow fired Noah from Java, then marched him to WOAK to say goodbye. There, he'd presented Noah with a top-of-the-line camera to shoot his film, and informed him that Lily and Holden were likewise supporting Noah with anything he needed for his work. What felt best about all that was Luke letting him know in no uncertain terms: Noah was still family.

Noah had let Luke persuade him to go. He of all people understood what it was to need space, and he'd been willing to give Luke his. Besides, Luke had promised to visit Noah on set in L.A. Thinking ahead to when that happened had given Noah optimism about everything: his new life, his film, and most especially, Luke.

He'd known it would be a long time before Luke would even entertain thoughts of dating anyone again, let alone him. But knowing how much Luke still cared for and supported him, Noah couldn't stop the swell of hope from rising in his heart. As he'd gently kissed Luke goodbye, Noah had hoped the other man could feel the love waiting there for him, whenever Luke was ready.

Though they'd parted as friends, flying back to Oakdale a few months later to spend Christmas with the Snyders (and especially, to check on Luke) had been an impulse. One Noah now thought was a huge mistake. While the rest of the Snyder clan welcomed him to Christmas dinner with open arms and open hearts, Luke was quiet, polite, and aloof.

He'd spoken to Noah only when it couldn't be avoided, and hadn't looked him in the eye at all. So it astonished Noah when the family made to leave for church, and Luke explained he wanted to stay behind to catch up with Noah. Any joy Noah experienced at this revelation, however, was fleeting.

After walking his family out to the car, and waving as it pulled off into the distance, Luke rounded on Noah, and absolutely _laid into_ him. "Really, Noah? You came all the way out here to _comfort_ me? To hold my hand while I cry, and say everything's gonna be all right?"

"Luke, I…", Noah started, taken aback by Luke's sudden outburst.

"It's too late. You've gotta see that! It's too late, Noah, because now _I'm_ pushing _you_ away. Hurts, doesn't it?" Luke spat out.

Noah couldn't answer. _Yes, it fucking hurts_, he thought. Instead of voicing that feeling, though, he allowed Luke to continue venting at him uninterrupted. Maybe it was what Luke needed.

"Wanna know how much it sucks? I'll tell you. When the person you've loved for _years_ pushes you away, it hurts like nothing you ever imagined.

You have all these emotions, but you can't _do_ anything with them, because you can't even get close to the person who means the most to you. You're kept away, and every freaking moment of it makes you feel like you want to die. You wonder if you really _can_ die from your heart breaking."

Ironically, every word from Luke's mouth made Noah feel exactly what Luke had felt when Noah pushed _him_ away. And to know he'd make Luke feel like this absolutely gutted him. He thought he'd come to understand what Luke must've felt at the time, but now he knew better. A crazy thought came to Noah: he'd never realized how totally _blind _he'd been when he was blind. Noah had to suppress a bitter laugh.

"But when you pushed me away, Noah, I survived it. As awful as it was, as hard as it was, as much as it _killed _me inside, I _let you go_. I had to! What else could I do?"

Later, Noah wished he'd understood that the question was rhetorical. He replied, "I know Luke, and you did the right thing. I see that now. I don't blame you for moving on…"

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Luke railed at Noah so loudly it stopped Noah mid-sentence. As much as they'd been through, as many really bad fights as they'd had, Luke had _never_ yelled at Noah quite like this. Noah couldn't suppress a shudder as he realized, no one had screamed at him with this much volume, this much _venom_, since Colonel Mayer.

"YOU shouldn't have pushed me away!" The waves of fury radiating from Luke almost scared Noah. Not for himself, but for Luke.

"YOU shouldn't have thrown US away!" Luke carried on, incredibly seeming to pick up steam in his tirade. Noah still didn't understand where this was going, but remained silent. Frankly, he didn't know what else to do.

"YOU let me go. YOU made me move on. YOU made me find someone else to love," Luke cried. "THIS happened because of YOU!"

Suddenly, Luke's diatribe stopped short. He glared daggers at Noah, seemingly awaiting some sort of defense to the charges he'd made. Noah knew whatever he said now was going to be wrong, but lacking any other course of action, replied, "Reid was trying to save Chris. This would've happened anyway…"

"NOT TO ME!" Luke positively _raged_. "_I _wouldn't have lost the man I loved! If you hadn't broken us up, that man would've been _you_, Noah!"

A light bulb. Noah saw the logic now. "So Reid still might've died, but…"

"My _boyfriend_ wouldn't be dead." Suddenly, Luke was speaking in a defeated half-whisper. "You and I would've been together. If your doctor had died, we would've been sad together. It wouldn't be like this!"

Noah realized that however convoluted that argument might seem on the surface, it was essentially true. Luke Snyder was the most loyal person he'd ever known. If Noah hadn't tossed him aside, Luke would've been completely faithful to him, no matter Reid Oliver's interest. Luke wouldn't be going through the hell he was going through right now.

"You're right," Noah offered quietly.

"Gee, thanks for that Mr. Mayer," Luke sputtered. "That really just makes it _all_ better now. It's a good thing you came!"

Luke's scathing tone cut shreds to Noah's heart. "Luke," he began in reply. He wanted to tell Luke that he knew he deserved his derision. Noah wanted to say he knew he'd been wrong, wrong, _wrong_, so often and for so long. He didn't get the chance.

"As much as it hurt when you gave up on us, Noah, as much as I felt like I was dying inside, _this_ is worse. SO much worse. So yeah - thanks, Noah," Luke spoke his name as if it were a curse word. "Thanks for that."

Luke spun on his heel and moved to storm back into his parents' house. Noah, who'd been momentarily frozen in shock at the unadulterated scorn he'd received from the only man he'd ever loved, started at the movement. As Luke made to open the door of the front porch, Noah placed a hand on Luke's arm to stop him.

"Luke," Noah implored. "Everything you said is true. There's no way I can fix any of this, but I would, if I could. I swear to God, I would bring Reid Oliver back to you if I could."

Luke rolled his eyes and nearly jerked his arm from Noah's grasp, but the agonized sincerity on Noah's face stopped him in his tracks. Noah was _serious_. Luke wanted to feel angry about this, too, and disdain Noah's sentiments as too little, too late. At the very real pain he detected in Noah's eyes, though, the fight left him. He could hardly believe it, but somehow, _still_, Noah's hurt made _him_ hurt. Whatever had happened between them, incredibly, this hadn't changed.

Still, Luke wasn't about to tell Noah that. He made to move again, with Noah stopping him once more. Apparently, Noah wasn't done having _his_ say.

"I wish things hadn't fallen apart when we were together. I wish so much that I'd been different; _better_. But I wasn't, and I can't go back and change that now.

But please believe, I _know _pushing you away was the worst mistake I ever made. Or will _ever_ make. I am so, so sorry I did it, Luke. I replay my stupidity in my mind every day - I have since I lost you.

The one promise I can make is that I would never, _ever_ do it again. I want you to know that, because I want you to know if you need me, I'll be here for you. No conditions, no questions asked. That doesn't mean I expect you to ever love me again like I love you."

Noah marveled at how easy those words were to say now. He went on, "But besides being boyfriends, we were _best_ friends. When I lost you, I lost my best friend. I think you did, too. But I want you to know, I'm still here.

I get that I'm the last person you want around right now, I do. Maybe it'll be that way forever, and if it is, I'll have to accept that," Noah added sadly. "But no matter where I am, no matter what I'm doing, if you _ever _need me, I want you to call. I mean it."

Finally, Noah took his hand from Luke's arm. Luke tried to ignore that its removal felt like a loss. Luke watched through tear-filled eyes as Noah backed away to leave, and his wasted heart sunk a bit further at Noah's final words, "Goodbye, Luke."


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Five years after Reid's death

* * *

_August 2015_

It was another perfect summer day in a town that had seen a week of them. Not hot; but mild, with the softest breath of a cool August breeze enveloping Oakdale. In a park, the happy shouts of carefree childhood could be heard.

An attractive young man made his way towards the joyous sounds. As he approached, he spotted the handful of children squealing with abandon as they intrepidly scaled a path _up_ the slide. Most fell short of their goal, but two, a reddish-blonde boy and sandy-haired girl, managed to reach the top. Each pre-schooler celebrated their own triumph with cries of, "I DID it!" and "that was EASY!"

The man smiled warmly as unobserved, he continued to watch the scene unfold. In a moment, he wished he'd have made his presence known sooner, but he honestly hadn't seen it coming. Without warning, the little boy audaciously leaned over and planted a big, wet kiss on his playmate's cheek. The girl, in turn, simply screamed. Bloody _murder_.

As the man hurried towards the children, the kindly if exasperated woman watching them called out to the boy, "Reid Oliver-Snyder!" Then she seemed to sense the man's approach, and sheepishly greeted him, "Oh, Mr. Snyder! I take it you caught the show…" The man shared her good humor and laughed, then called to his son, "Ollie!"

Upon hearing his name from that source, Ollie's previously crestfallen face lit up immediately. He squealed "DADDYYYYYY!" while running full-speed towards his target. After closing the distance, Ollie performed a leap worthy of the NBA to launch himself into his father's arms.

"Mrs. Whitten, thanks so much for inviting Ollie today. I'm sorry if he was a handful…"

"Not at all, Mr. Snyder! Sure, he's a bit… precocious… but Ollie's such a smart, charming little boy. It was my pleasure!" She continued, "And please, call me Marla… when I hear 'Mrs. Whitten', I still think of my mother-in-law!"

"Ok, but only if you return the favor. It's the same for me, too. When I hear 'Mr. Snyder', I think of my dad!"

"Did you know my mom went to high school with him? Apparently, she carried quite the torch for Holden Snyder once upon a time," Marla said, smiling conspiratorially.

"Well, since he had all the right moves with the ladies, maybe I'll get _him_ to talk to Ollie about less… offensive ways to show his affection with them. It's not really my forte..."

Both parents chuckled. "Nonsense, you'll do fine!", Marla encouraged. "Really, Ollie's lucky to have a dad like you!"

"Thanks, Marla. And thanks again for watching Ollie this afternoon; it was a big help."

"You're welcome! We'll see you both at pre-school on Monday." Marla squatted down to her now-calmed daughter, whose three-year-old attention span had completely abandoned the upset of moments ago. "Time to go, Sarah. Say goodbye now!"

While Sarah waved vociferously, Marla took her free hand, and as the Snyders departed, she called out, "Goodbye Ollie! Goodbye Noah!"


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Five years after Reid's death

Also, I forgot to mention before, I made the Whittens up. Don't try to search the Oakdale archives to find them.

* * *

_August 2015 - Same day, continued_

Noah secured the wriggling Ollie in one arm, while trying to get his front door open with the other. Normally not a Herculean feat, but the squirming three-year-old was fighting him every step of the way. Ollie had loftily decreed they should stay at the park and play, but his father had remorsefully vetoed that idea, explaining they were already late with dinner, and Ollie needed to get to bed on time.

Maybe the apologetic part was the problem. Too often, Noah's reaction to denying his son's wishes seemed to be to apologize for it. Noah realized he needed to stop doing this, but his anxiety about being the kind of domineering father Colonel Mayer was thwarted him. That fear was so ingrained, Noah often let a knee-jerk apology slip from his lips before he could contain it. And he knew this was no good for Ollie. The boy _was_ precocious, as Marla had said; _too_ smart, in fact.

Ollie was catching on to his father's weakness; that much was clear. Only last week, Noah had said "no" when Ollie asked for the latest super-toy trend sweeping the country. Noah explained that while he was very sorry, Ollie had already received a great many new toys for his recent birthday, and it was important to appreciate the wonderful things he already had.

His son had briefly considered this answer, before regarding Noah with quite possibly the most piteous gaze he'd ever seen. His lower lip had positively trembled, and the boy's striking blue eyes shone with about-to-be-shed tears. For a moment, Noah had felt like _The Worst Father Ever_ for not understanding the importance of this particular toy to his son.

"Ollie, buddy, please don't cry. Remember the awesome presents you already have? You didn't even get to play with them all yet. And buying something new is for special occasions, or because we need it."

Once again, Ollie had looked up at his father. By now, the first tears had escaped. In utter frustration he'd wailed, "But DADDYYYY, it IS a special occasion! And I DO need it!"

"What? Why?", Noah had replied, racking his brain to remember some significant event coming up for Ollie that he could possibly have forgotten.

"It's TUESDAY!" came the exasperated reply. "And I NEED it because SARAH WHITTEN has one!"

The guileless, hurt look of moments earlier had vanished. In its place, an aggravated, almost _superior_ scowl had settled onto the boy's face. And Noah had been caught squarely between the undeniable urge to laugh out loud, and the equally strong need to sit down. Because in that moment, he knew where he'd seen that look before. Suddenly, he wasn't just looking at Ollie Snyder, but at _Doctor Reid Oliver_. It had been jarring, to say the least.

Now, as he finally got the door opened and himself and the dramatically flailing Ollie safely inside (largely unscathed), Noah held that fresh memory as the justification he needed to take a slightly firmer hand with the boy. He would always support his son, and always listen to his feelings. But he would _not_ keep feeling guilty every time he made a decision Ollie hated.

If he did, the kid would _walk all over _him. Ollie was already the smarter of the two of them; of that Noah was certain. If he was unsure in his own decisions, Ollie's radar would pick up on it immediately. Then the boy would utilize every last trick in his considerable arsenal to persuade Noah to reverse his decision, and let Ollie have his way.

And if _that_ was allowed to happen, Noah truly would be raising Reid Oliver. Well, he was already, he supposed - raising Reid Oliver-_Snyder_, anyway. _Damn_, he thought wryly. It was all so complicated sometimes.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Five years after Reid's death

* * *

_August 2015 - Same day, continued_

"Why did Daddy die?"

_How's _that _for relaxing dinner conversation, Snyder?_

As Noah's mind grappled for a sensitive yet age-appropriate answer for his son, a reprieve arrived in the chime of his mobile. "Be right back, little dude. We'll talk in a minute," Noah said as he playfully tousled Ollie's hair on his way to the living room to get the phone.

After glancing at the caller ID, he answered the ring, "Dad, how's it going?"

"Hey Noah. Hope I didn't call at a bad time?"

Noah smiled, thinking that although it was impossible, Ollie must have inherited that I-know-something's-up radar from his granddad. "No, you actually bought me a few minutes." Noah paused. "Ollie just asked me why his dad died."

"Oh," came Holden's knowing reply.

"Oh?" Noah questioned.

"Well, Ollie's always been ahead of his time," the older man said with not a small amount of grandfatherly pride. "He hit all the milestones months before the other kids; walking, talking…"

"Macking on Marla Whitten's daughter…," Noah continued helpfully.

"What? Oh, wow," Holden couldn't help the laughter that escaped him. "And how did _that_ go?"

"I think little Sarah is recovered by now. Let's just say it wasn't a resounding success."

"Did you know Marla's mom used to have a crush on me?," Holden reminisced. "_She_ carried _my_ books for half a semester!"

"Yes, I _did_ know that, actually," Noah replied. "Which is why _you've _been elected to talk to Ollie about how to behave around girls."

"Nice try, son," Holden answered. "But I've already had that honor with my own kids. I wouldn't dream of depriving you of the same privilege."

"Yeah, _thanks _Dad," Noah laughed. Hey, it had been worth a try.

Holden paused, then broached the earlier subject. "So, what do you want to tell Ollie?"

Noah sighed heavily. "I don't know. The truth, obviously. But in a way that won't scare him. I don't even know if there's a way not to confuse him. Sometimes it still confuses _me,_" Noah admitted.

"Just keep it as simple and straightforward as possible. Don't sugarcoat, and don't hide what _you_ feel. Ollie will pick up on that."

"Yeah. You're right," Noah said in admiration. "You're _always_ right."

"Would you please send that memo to the rest of the family? Especially the grandmas - thanks," Holden joked.

"So, I appreciate the advice, Dad, but why did you call?"

"Oh, your mom wanted to know what we can bring to the picnic tomorrow. And if we can come early to help set up."

"Thanks, but no, it's all good," Noah said. "And tell Mom she can bring whatever she wants. Surprises are better, anyway."

So, a stalemate. Both men knew it. Lily had suspected there was _something_ behind tomorrow's picnic; the one Noah had only suggested this morning.

He'd invited the whole family, in fact, and _that_ had Lily's mother's intuition on full alert. It was obvious upon failing to get any information out of Noah herself, she'd enlisted Holden's help. Noah mentally chuckled at his mom's dogged persistence.

"Ok, then," Holden's response cut short Noah's reverie. "We'll see you tomorrow, then. Tell Ollie hi for us." A final pause, just in case Noah decided to spill something - nope. "Goodnight, son."

"Night, Dad."

Noah made his way back to Ollie, and mentally prepared himself for the talk he couldn't put off any longer. Ollie smiled up at him, both cheeks adorably engorged, having filled them to capacity with his ravioli. A look of expectation was etched across the boy's face. He hadn't forgotten about his question, then.

Like there'd ever been a chance of that. Noah began to form an answer in his mind. All the while, really, _really_ wishing Luke was here.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Five years after Reid's death

* * *

_August 2015 - Same day, continued_

Noah brought Ollie up into his arms, settling the boy in his lap as he returned to his own seat at the kitchen table. Still wondering how to plunge into the choppy waters of answering his son's difficult question. He began, "Ollie, a few years ago, there was a terrible accident…"

Noah stopped mid-sentence, and listened intently. There it was; a faint click, from the living room. Faint, but unmistakable.

Someone was entering the house. Noah mentally slapped himself as he realized he must've forgotten to lock the door once he'd finally wrestled Ollie inside with him. It was true they lived in a quiet suburb, and their neighbors all seemed tolerant and friendly.

Before buying this house, they'd lived in a seemingly family-friendly apartment complex. After a few months and a handful of anonymous, threatening notes left at their front door, it became clear not everyone in the building was supportive of _their_ family. While none of the promised threats ever materialized, Noah had experienced enough hate and ignorance since coming out to be cautious.

He was glad when they found this house two years ago; it was a new start for them. Mindful of Ollie, Noah was _always_ careful. His son's safety was everything to him, and Noah couldn't believe how badly he'd dropped the ball tonight.

Luckily, all these thoughts sped through his mind in a mere second, two at most. Noah held a finger to his lips, indicating for Ollie to stay quiet. For once in his young life, Ollie didn't question him, but remained silent, seemingly understanding that it was _important_, though of course not knowing why.

As he soundlessly scooped up his son and headed swiftly for the back door, Noah thanked God and the fates and even Dr. Reid Oliver for the small miracle. Just in case the guy really _was _some sarcastic angel on high, and had some hand in Ollie's uncharacteristic cooperation. Noah was halfway out the door to safety when he heard the voice burst forth from the next room.

"Noah… Ollie? Where are you guys?"

The sizeable breath Noah hadn't realized he'd been holding spilled out into his biggest sigh of relief in recent memory. For his part, Ollie jumped down from his father's arms and made a beeline to the living room. Noah followed just in time to watch his son become a human projectile, landing squarely in the other man's embrace.

"DAAAAADDDDYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Hey, monster!" joked the man, returning the tight hug. "MmmmmmmMA!" He peppered Ollie's cheeks with the kind of loud kisses that made the boy shriek with laughter.

By now Noah had caught up, and joined the family embrace. He kissed his husband as if the man had been gone for months, not a few days. This did not pass unnoticed.

"Noah, what's wrong?"

A smaller sigh. "You're home a day _early_!" At his partner's bemused look, Noah explained, "I thought I left the door unlocked. I thought… I don't know what I thought."

Understanding dawned. "Aww, I wanted to surprise you. I'm sorry; I didn't even think…"

"No, no - I was just telling Dad on the phone how awesome surprises are. And this is a _great_ one. The BEST," Noah continued. "It's just been a really long day."

"What, with _this _one?" The other man affectionately ruffled Ollie's disheveled hair. "No _way_!"

Ollie laughed, then began fidgetting; his non-verbal way of letting his parents know he was ready to be put down. While an extremely affectionate boy, Ollie was also equally active. After the ordeal of having to sit through an entire meal, he was ready to be on the move.

"Did you bring me anything?" the boy asked hopefully as his feet touched the ground. Noah rolled his eyes, and knew that they would really have to address Ollie's recent fervor for material things. Their kid was like a walking advertisement for conspicuous consumption.

"Maybe. Were you good for your dad this week?" came the reply.

"VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRY good!" Ollie declared with certainty.

Noah had to smile now. He loved the assured, absolutely _innate_ confidence their son possessed. It heartened him to know that no matter what challenges Ollie would face in life, he'd always have that to see him through.

"Ok, munchkin, get your pjs on, and brush your teeth. After Daddy tells me how well you behaved for him, I'll look in my suitcase and see if there's anything for you in there."

Ollie took off at top-speed for his room, but not before shooting Noah an adorably pleading glance. One that seemed to say, _you've got my back, right?_ Noah winked, and struggled not to laugh out loud until Ollie was out of earshot.

"Now, _that's_ better. I could listen to you laugh all day long."

"Then, you probably shouldn't scare the CRAP out of me like that again," Noah teased while pulling his husband into his arms. After stealing a soft kiss, he pulled back to say, "welcome home."

"Thanks. I missed you _so_ much, Bubby," came the half-whispered reply.

"I missed you too, Luke."


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A year after Reid died and Noah moved to L.A.

* * *

_September 2011_

"One final toast before I kick you all out of my apartment." Noah Mayer's pronouncement was met with jovial laughter from the guests assembled in his living room. "Seriously, guys, I just have to thank you. ALL of you. Without each and every one of you in this room, _From the Heart_ could not have been made."

The party guests applauded one another, and Noah himself, as he continued, "As clichéd as it sounds, this project truly was a labor of love. Before I came to L.A., I had visions of the ground-breaking film I would make. This wasn't it."

Noah smiled as his remark was met with good-humored laughter, then continued. "Like many of us, I imagined creating something so amazing, the world would have to stand up and take notice. All I wanted was to do a great movie, one that would open the doors for me to make any film I dreamed of.

But something happened before I arrived here. Something so traumatic, so profound, that it changed everything about the way I see the world; about the way I see my place in it." It was difficult to continue this story, but Noah wanted to. He felt like those who'd helped bring the most important effort of his life _to_ life deserved to know. "Last fall, there was a horrible accident. Someone very close to someone I love died because of it. As tragic as that was, something completely incredible happened.

After the accident, this man, he _knew_ he was going to die. I can't even wrap my mind around how scary that's gotta be. But somehow, in that moment, he focused on helping someone _else_ who was dying. He requested that when he passed, his own heart be given to the other man to save _his _life." Noah paused, his voice cracking slightly. He was never great at giving speeches, anyway, and relating this story was particularly difficult. While he collected himself, he heard the murmurs of awe and appreciation for the unknown man's actions filter through the room.

"You'll recognize the man's name from the dedications in the credits of our film. Some of you know it was the same man, Dr. Reid Oliver, who restored my sight. Ultimately, he was a man who died the same way he lived - saving lives.

The man who received Dr. Oliver's heart made a full recovery. He's a newlywed with a young son, and a baby on the way. All because of the incredible heart - literally and figuratively - of one man.

So, I absolutely didn't make the film I always thought I'd make. Together, _we_ made a much, much better one. And what I've learned is that it isn't important to make a movie that gets _my_ voice heard. What matters is using whatever voice I have to help _others_ be heard. To put a spotlight on those people in the world who are out there every day, making a real difference in people's lives. I believe that together, we've done exactly that in _From the Heart_. So I thank you all one more time, from the bottom of _my_ heart."

Noah concluded his remarks to thunderous applause. He took in the emotional faces of his colleagues, making eye contact with each of them in an unspoken message of gratitude. As his eyes scanned the room, they suddenly halted, full-stop, on the last pair of eyes he ever expected to see.

Standing at the back of his living room, tears trailing quietly down his cheeks, was Luke Snyder, in the flesh.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A year after Reid died and Noah moved to L.A.

* * *

_September 2011 - Same day, continued_

Noah stood stunned, his frozen brain trying admirably to catch up with his astonished eyes. Luke Snyder was in his living room. _Luke _was in his living room! He hadn't seen or heard from Luke since The Great Christmas Debacle of 2010 (as Noah now bitterly referred to it in his mind). All of his Luke updates since then came courtesy of Lily and Holden. Noah had even sent them a few notes to hold for Luke, for when they thought he was ready to receive them, but there hadn't been a peep from Luke himself.

And now, Noah couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Not just that Luke was here, though that itself was shock enough. But as he returned Luke's unwavering gaze with his own, Noah was astounded at the emotions he found there. And at the ones he didn't. There was no resentment, anger, or hurt to be seen. Instead, all Noah could detect was openness, joy, and what suspiciously looked a lot like… _love_.

Noah internally bitch-slapped the surge of hope that erupted within him at that thought. As soon as he'd had it, he realized the emotions he was seeing weren't for him. Luke had clearly heard the words Noah had spoken about Reid. No doubt it was the tribute to the man he _really_ loved that had brought up such feelings in Luke.

Still, Noah wouldn't waste time sulking about that. Luke was here; nothing else mattered. Had he come to tell Noah they could be friends again? Or the opposite - had he come to say they could never be friends again? No, that didn't make sense. If Luke didn't want to see Noah again, he could've just kept ignoring him. That he was here at all _had_ to be a good sign.

"It's time to step this party up a notch, people! Phase 2 starts at my place in 15 minutes!"

Noah turned to find Ben, his director of photography, coaxing the crew out of the apartment with his invitation. Since carefree Ben, a trust fund party-prince, had an eminently more palatial pad than Noah, no one objected to the move. People thanked Noah while they exited. In turn, Noah thanked Ben, still keeping one eye on Luke to insure he didn't vanish as quickly as he'd appeared.

"How'd you know, man?" Noah asked his friend.

Ben smiled knowingly. "Are you kidding me? Nobody - including me - has been able to get anywhere with you since you've been out here. That cutie walks in, and you lose the power of speech. Even I can do simple math."

Noah smiled back. "You're a good friend. Thank you, for everything. I mean it."

"No problem, sweetie. If I turn out to be a great wingman, you can return the favor sometime."

Noah laughed and clapped his irrepressible friend on the back. "You got it. Now, no offense, but get out."

Ben offered a dramatic huff, then a more exaggerated sashay towards the door. He stopped suddenly, however, next to Luke. "_That_ beautiful man is my friend. You be nice to him, got it?"

Luke, slightly taken aback by the stranger's impassioned words, could only reply quietly, "Yes. Of course."

Three words. They weren't much, but they were the first words Noah had heard Luke speak in nine months. As something clenched inside his heart, Noah realized how much he'd missed hearing that voice.

Ben seemed sufficiently satisfied with Luke's answer to make his exit. As the door closed behind him, Noah stared at Luke, still not completely convinced he wasn't imagining the other man there, like he'd done so many times before. After a few suspended moments of breathless silence, Noah's brain finally jumpstarted itself.

"Hey." Okay, so, not exactly oratory brilliance at its finest.

"Hey, yourself." Luke allowed a small smile in returning the greeting. "I heard what you said. About your film. About Reid. Thank you, Noah."

"For what? I didn't say anything that wasn't true."

"Yes, but, you didn't just say it, you meant it. And it was beautiful. Really. Just like your film."

Noah started at that. "You saw my film? How?" Then he realized, "you were at the screening. How could I have missed that?"

"Probably because you weren't looking for me. And also, because I snuck in when the lights went down. It wasn't easy getting a ticket to the debut of the hottest new documentary filmmaker in town, you know? I had to be shameless about using my connections. I hope you don't mind."

"Luke, of course not! Why did you hide? Why didn't you let me know you were there?"

"It was _your_ night. I didn't want to distract you from your adoring fans! Or from hobnobbing with all those important people on the film festival jury. I wanted them to drink in your brilliance without interruption!" Luke beamed while discussing Noah's realized dream.

"And your film. My God, Noah. I don't even know what to say. I was already amazed when my parents told me what you were planning, but _this_… it was just beautiful. _Perfect_. The stories you told, of the people whose lives were saved through organ donation, and of the families who made that sacrifice when they just lost a loved one…," Luke trailed off, collecting himself with great effort.

He continued, "You'll touch so many lives with this, you really will. I've never been more proud of you. And now look at you! You've really arrived; it's all really happening for you, just like we always knew it would. You have everything you ever wanted!"

Regarding the man standing before him, Noah's reply came softly: "Not everything, Luke."


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A year after Reid died and Noah moved to L.A.

Thanks to jberri79, BlueEyes444, and superlost for the encouragement.

* * *

_September 2011 - Same day, continued_

Noah held his hand out to indicate the sofa and chair in his living room. "Do you wanna sit down? Let's sit down." After answering his own question, a flustered Noah took a seat on the couch, expecting Luke to take the chair.

Instead, an amused Luke sat on the couch next to Noah. Somehow, Noah's obvious nervousness helped alleviate some of his own. Still, Luke didn't know how to broach what he'd come to discuss with Noah. Finally, he asked Noah, "So, don't you want to know why I'm here?"

It occurred to Noah that "yes" was probably the right answer only after he'd given his, "I don't care _why_ you're here, just that you're here." At the surprise on Luke's face, Noah amended, "I mean, of course I care why you're here. I'm just glad you are, whatever the reason."

Luke took a breath, and thought _I hope that's still true in a minute_. He answered Noah, "I came here because there's something I have to tell you. Something really important."

Noah's heart didn't know whether to soar or plummet, so it chose to alternate between the two, making him feel nauseous. Was Luke going to say they could be in each other's lives again? And if so, as what? Was he ready to date again? Or was Luke going to tell him he already _had_ been dating, and met someone? Or was he…

"WHAT?" Noah heard the panic in his voice and tried to calm it. "Sorry. I just, I'm sorry. I guess I _do_ care why you're here," Noah continued wryly. "So, please, go on, Luke. What do you wanna tell me?"

Luke took perhaps the biggest breath of his natural life. When that didn't fill him with the needed courage, he impulsively took Noah's hand. Noah would've been pleased at this, if not for the fact that Luke was practically crushing his hand. Whatever Luke was going to say, he was scared to tell Noah, and that, in turn, scared Noah.

_Is Luke sick_? The thought increased Noah's seasick feeling tenfold, and he gripped Luke's hand back just as tightly. "Luke, whatever it is, it'll be ok. I know you couldn't always depend on me before, but you can now, I swear. No matter what, we'll get through it, and I'll be there for you all the way; I promise."

A quirky half-grin escaped Luke, who replied, "Well, I'm really gonna put _that_ to the test now."

At Luke's bemusement, Noah became even more confused. If Luke was sick, wouldn't he take it more seriously? Noah responded, "Please, just tell me. I want the chance to prove myself to you. What is it?"

Luke sighed and turned to Noah, taking his other hand so that he now held both. "I came here to tell you something nobody else knows, except the other person involved. Something that's going to change my whole life; well, really, be the most important thing to ever happen in my life."

_Oh God_. Luke _had _found someone. And Luke was here to tell him, what? Was he getting _married_? How could that be? How could he be over Reid so quickly, not only to have found someone new, but be ready to marry that person? None of this made sense.

Noah was about to voice that thought when he realized, he'd promised to be supportive. No matter _what_. Holy hell. Luke hadn't been kidding when he told Noah he was putting that to the test now. As hurt ate away at his insides, Noah resolved not to let it show on his face.

"Noah, whatever you're thinking, I'm pretty sure you're wrong." So, too late to hide the hurt, then. "Of course I can tell. I _know _you. You're gritting your teeth!"

"Sorry - I never said I wouldn't be a work in progress," Noah quipped. "I'll do better. Go ahead; just tell me what you want to say."

"Ok." Luke smiled then, wanting to present this as the good news he believed it was. He just didn't think Noah would see it that way. Luke took one more deep breath, then finally let it out: "Noah, I'm having a baby."


	12. Chapter 12

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A year after Reid died and Noah moved to L.A.

* * *

_September 2011 - Same day, continued_

Noah was sure he must've heard wrong. Except, he knew that he didn't. "Whhhaat?" came the paltry retort he managed to summon.

Luke lifted Noah's hands into his own lap, not even realizing he was doing it. He needed to somehow get through to Noah, and make him understand. "Believe me, I know what it sounds like. It sounds delusional. But I'm serious, Noah. This is happening…"

"But you're..." Noah interrupted, his voice slightly shrieking. "To have a baby, you need a GIRL - I'm not telling you anything you don't already know here!"

"Yes," Luke responded, but resisted trying again to spell it out for him, realizing he needed to let Noah think it through, and work out the particulars for himself.

"So, you have a girl," Noah concluded, and at Luke's affirmative nod, elaborated with a stunned, "You're _with_ a girl?"

At this, Luke couldn't stop his famous eye roll from asserting itself. Still, it felt good to be comfortable enough to let it loose. He realized it was because although Noah was flabbergasted, he wasn't angry at Luke. Noah just couldn't fathom what to think.

"Hellooooo, paging Noah Mayer! Have you _met _me? Do you seriously think I'm with a _girl_?" Even in the haze of his confusion, Noah couldn't help give a small grin at Luke's cheek. He'd said the word "girl" as if it was "cooties". Ok, so Luke definitely wasn't with a girl.

"Are you adopting?" Noah asked. He was still grasping to make sense of it all, even though the headache it brought on was one for the ages.

"Yes, Noah, the state of Illinois recently announced a new program to encourage adoption by single gay men. Those of us who've rigged at least one election immediately get bumped to the top of the list." Now Luke was unashamedly teasing him, and it felt good. For both of them. As Noah took a turn to roll _his_ eyes, Luke decided to let him off the hook.

"I'm using a surrogate. She's great; actually, fantastic! Her name is Heather. You'd really like her. And she's done it before, so she understands how it works. I guess it's good one of us does!" Luke laughed both at his own lame joke, and at hearing himself ramble. "And, we just got the news. The procedure worked; she's pregnant!"

"Soooo…," Noah began, his voice calmer now. "You decided to have a baby. You're having a _baby_. Like, a miniature human _person_."

"It's not _like_ a miniature human person," Luke exclaimed with humor. "It _is_ a person."

"Well then it's a he or she, not an it," Noah volleyed back. As they simultaneously recognized how relaxed they'd become, they also realized that Luke was still holding Noah's hands. In Luke's lap. Noah wondered if Luke would remove them, but it didn't happen.

Heartened, Noah continued his prior train of thought. "So, what exactly made you decide to have a kid? And now? I mean... you're so young, Luke."

Noah could've predicted the eye roll that came then, along with the mock-exasperated reply, "you sound like my dad! Geez, I might as well have told him first."

"I guess, I'm just surprised. Shocked. I mean, wow. How did you get from Point A to Point B, I guess is what I'm asking. I know I haven't seen you in awhile, but it still seems kinda sudden, you deciding to have a child," Noah said, not so perturbed by his unanswered questions when his hands were so blissfully warm within Luke's.

Until Luke tensed. It was slight, but Noah felt it. He also felt like there was some part of the story he was still missing, a feeling that was confirmed when Luke answered.

"I didn't decide to have _a_ child. I decided to have Reid's child."


	13. Chapter 13

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A year after Reid died and Noah moved to L.A.

* * *

__

September 2011 - Same day, continued

Noah shot up from the couch so fast, it was a wonder he didn't jerk Luke up with him. As it was, he'd certainly startled them both. Noah hadn't meant to be so jarringly abrupt, but he'd been unable to suppress his body's reflexive move to wrench his hands away and flee. Immediately, Noah regretted the move, and let Luke know it. "I'm sorry. I just… I…," Noah trailed off, wholly at a loss to comprehend what was happening.

As he looked back at Luke, Noah discerned the fear in his eyes. The worry that _this_ would be the thing that was too much for Noah; the thing that would make him push Luke away again. Seeing this apprehension strengthened Noah's resolve. He didn't need to understand what was going on. Well, eventually he did, but first and foremost, he needed to show Luke he'd meant his earlier words. That there was nothing they couldn't work through together, and nothing that would cause Noah to push Luke away ever again.

Noah slowly sat back down beside Luke, but closer, this time, so that they were touching. This time, it was he that took Luke's hands into his own. Feeling no resistance, he went a step further, resting his own head against Luke's. From there, he whispered simply, "ok."

Luke was nothing short of incredulous. "Ok?" he parroted. Noah nodded slightly, because it was difficult to nod more vigorously with his forehead still resting upon Luke's, and he wasn't willing to move it. He needed to feel the other man's warmth, to draw upon his strength. The feeling calmed him, and made him believe he really could withstand anything, as long as it was by Luke's side.

"Ok, take your time," Noah responded. "It's safe to say, I don't get it." _Understatement of the year_, he thought to himself, but he could do this. He could fail to comprehend what was happening, yet still be there for Luke. "So, explain it to me."

Luke couldn't believe it. Noah had calmed so suddenly, it was almost like he'd never freaked out at all. "All right, who are you, and what have you done with Noah Mayer?"

"He's right here," Noah offered a half-smile in return, then grew more somber. "But he lost what mattered most once, and he grew up." Remembering what Luke had lost, he added, "I guess you can relate. And you grew up even more - you're having a baby!" It still seemed surreal to Noah, and again he tried to work the puzzle. "A baby you're naming after Reid?"

Luke pulled back to look at Noah. "Yes." Noah felt there was something more, but pushed the niggling thought aside to answer, "well, he'd _love_ that. Maybe not as much as having the hospital wing named after him, but…"

"Noah," Luke cut him off. Noah was momentarily concerned his gentle jab at Reid was taken badly, but soon realized that wasn't the problem.

"What?" Noah replied.

"I'm not just naming the baby after Reid. It… he or she… _is_ Reid's baby. Biologically," Luke finished the statement, and awaited a response from a stupefied Noah.

"How is that even possible? Reid's…," Noah halted himself mid-sentence.

"Yes, I know, Reid's dead. You can say it, Noah. It's not news to me," Luke added, though not unkindly. "I never knew this would be possible, either. Since I was Reid's power of attorney, I was getting his mail. In December, there was a bill from a fertility clinic. For storage…," Luke trailed off, feeling ill at ease.

"That's ok, got it, thanks," Noah interjected. He didn't, entirely, but nor did he want too much detail here. Luke continued, "I was shocked. I mean, Reid, of all people? Why would he have been storing… that?"

Noah grimaced. "I hope that's a rhetorical question." This conversation had taken the most uncomfortable of turns. Luke smiled inwardly at Noah's resolve to power through the awkwardness.

"I visited the place, and told them Reid was dead. I expected to have to pull the power-of-attorney card to get information, but they already knew who I was. They said all decisions about what happened with Reid's sample had been left to me."

As Noah listened, Luke continued, "The thing is, he only went there for the first time a couple weeks before he died. We never talked about it at all. I still don't know why he did it, or why he left that responsibility to me!" The confusion and frustration in Luke's voice was evident. "Why didn't he talk to me about it?"

Noah considered, before answering, "I'm sure he would've. There was a lot going on. Reid was fighting for the Chief of Staff job, treating Chris, and protecting the guy's secret from everybody. I guess he kinda had a full plate. I probably didn't help by accusing him of cheating on you."

Luke smirked at the memory. "You were looking out for me. I did make a fool of myself when I accused him, too."

Noah cringed. "I'm sorry about that." He actually was. He'd felt like an ass when he'd learned the truth.

"Thanks; it's ok." Luke reflected, then added sadly, "I just don't know what to think. I never thought Reid wanted a family. And if he changed his mind, why would he take that step without talking to me first? Was he planning on having a family without me?"

"No." Noah's reply was quick and firm, and surprised both himself and Luke.

"How can you know that?" Luke questioned, his voice rising, then decided, "you can't. You're just trying to make me feel better."

"Seriously, Luke. How often do I just tell you what I think you want to hear?" Noah had a point there. "Pretty much, never," Luke replied wryly, remembering when Noah refused to absolve him during the election fiasco, and when Noah had told him they couldn't be friends. So yeah, Noah wasn't exactly renowned for telling Luke what he wanted to hear.

"You asked me a question, and I answered it. And yes, I _can_ know that. I don't have to know how Reid thought. What I know is how it feels to love you. It makes a guy want all kinds of things he didn't imagine before. If Reid suddenly wanted to make plans for a family, it's because he wanted that with _you_."

Luke's eyes had welled with unshed tears as Noah spoke. As he looked at Noah, he said earnestly, "you are seriously the best ex-boyfriend. Ever." As they mulled Luke's words, they both spontaneously burst out laughing. "Um, thanks? I think," Noah responded with humor.


	14. Chapter 14

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and most recriminations are found in Chapter 1.

When: A year after Reid died and Noah moved to L.A.

Thank you to AcadianProud, Snowbeardolphin, and as always, BlueEyes444 for the kind reviews on the last chapter. It was my least favorite chapter, honestly, but I'm glad you found something to enjoy in there. Hopefully this one's a bit better. :)

* * *

__

September 2011 - Same day, continued

Luke was amazed they were having this conversation at all, let alone with Noah's initial discomfort now impossible to detect. With Noah cradling his hands to support him through this, it had been much easier for Luke to proceed than he could've imagined. Even in his most hopeful of moments, when he'd dreamed of Noah's understanding and acceptance, he'd never envisioned _this_. The two of them joking and holding hands and so at ease simply being together.

Luke was overwhelmingly relieved. Noah, while initially shocked, hadn't been angry or resentful. Luke knew Noah better than anyone, and he'd know if that was the case.

Noah's brain had finally caught up to the story he'd just heard. He could be jealous, he supposed - Luke was going to raise _Reid's_ baby - but that had never taken him anywhere good. So Noah instead focused on Luke. Luke was happy, Luke was _here_, and Luke was sharing something with him he hadn't told anyone else yet. Reviewing all this, Noah found it surprisingly easy to be happy, too.

"So, what made you decide to, you know, have a… Reid's baby," Noah began. Wow, it was so hard to say, but dammit, he could do this. If Noah had to practice saying those words without a stammer in his spare time, he fucking would. He was not going to do anything to make Luke feel bad, or like Noah might abandon him.

A thought occurred. "You found out about this around Christmas? When you were so… mad at me," Noah finished.

"That's a charitable way to put it. It wasn't about you. Well, not just you. I was a wreck. And a terror! Lucky you to show up then to visit." Luke felt sick remembering how he'd lashed out so brutally. "I'm _so_ sorry about that. The things I said, Noah, they were _awful_…"

"Apology accepted. But not necessary. It's how you felt," Noah said matter-of-factly.

"I didn't want you to go," Luke continued. "I'd just had this crazy news about Reid, and was struggling so badly. When you left, I wanted to run after you, and throw myself into your arms and beg you not to leave me alone."

"You could've."

"No, I couldn't. Even in my craziness, I knew I would've been using you. As out-of-my-mind as I was, I could never do that," Luke said with conviction.

"Next time ask me; I would've let you," Noah returned in a joking tone, but they both knew he meant it.

"I know! That's exactly why I wouldn't ask. You'd be an adorable crutch, but you deserve so much more. At least I had enough sanity left to remember that."

Sitting with Noah, Luke felt so amazing, and so safe. He was sure now he could say anything to Noah, and get his full support in return. That felt _phenomenal_.

They'd shifted positions slightly, so that they were no longer facing one another, but reclining back against the couch, still side-by-side, fingers entwined, two pairs of feet now propped up on the coffee table. Luke lowered his head to rest it on Noah's shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world to do. Yet sparks of excitement raced through Noah's veins at the return of the long-lost contact. He wondered if Luke felt it, too.

"Anyway, I didn't answer your first question. When I learned about the clinic, I couldn't even see straight. And a baby… it seemed like a crazy idea to even _think_ about. There was so much I didn't know about Reid. Would he even want me to do this?

And I knew nothing about his family. For the most part, I still don't. How could I purposely bring a child into the world who'd have no blood relatives? Even old Uncle Angus disappeared after Reid died. I don't know if he died, too, or just moved and didn't want to be bothered."

Noah considered what he'd heard. "Luke, you of all people know blood isn't everything. You're not a Snyder by blood, but you're no less a Snyder."

"And I know that. I do. But still, I have biological relatives. I know where I came from in that way. I have the Grimaldis, whether I want them or not. Most of all, I have my mother. I can talk to her about the family tree when I have questions. So it's not the same as not having anyone I'm biologically related to for that."

Noah didn't know what to say. Luke might have been talking about a potential baby, but he very well could have been describing Noah. The only blood relative Noah had was a psychotic father locked away for the rest of his life, and he sure as hell couldn't turn to him when he wanted to know anything about his family tree.

With his head still resting on Noah's shoulder, Luke read his mind, "Yes, Noah, I know who that sounds like. I didn't make this decision and somehow forget about you, and your life. In fact, I made it partly _because_ of you. When I think of you, I know that someone doesn't have to be a blood relative to be part of a family. You're a Snyder, too; all of us feel that way. And knowing that, I realized a baby wouldn't have to have blood relatives to be part of a family. Especially part of the Snyder family!"

Noah murmured his agreement. Although they were dealing with heavy issues, Noah felt light and free at Luke's side. He still had so many questions, but they weren't weighing down on him like such things used to. He had been through the ringer and back, and had somehow come out stronger for it. More sure of himself, and of knowing what mattered, and what didn't.

Friendship, family, love, _Luke_ - that mattered. All the things Noah had clung to before that had crippled him so effectively - stubbornness, pride, envy, fear - were now dutifully recognized as the bitter enemies they were. Noah was determined not to fall prey to their false comfort again. Not when very real comfort - and a very real Luke - was sitting so near on Noah's couch, somehow, miraculously, back in his life.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A year after Reid died and Noah moved to L.A.

Thanks to ArcadianProud and BlueEyes444 for the kind reviews on the last chapter. Your taking the time to read and comment seriously does keep me on task. :)

* * *

_September 2011 - Same day, continued_

Noah thought about their discussion so far, and still he wondered, "what made you want to do this now? I mean, I'm not saying you shouldn't…"

"No, no, I get what you mean. Because I'm too young, because I'm single, because it's probably clinically insane to decide to have my dead boyfriend's baby a year after his death, et cetera…"

"One of the above, anyway," Noah answered. "It just seems so fast. When you and I talked about having a family, we always pictured it years into the future. We were gonna be _really_ old before we had kids, remember? Like, _thirty_, I think."

They both laughed. Only in their early 20's now, they still realized that thirty wasn't so far off as they'd once imagined. It was fun to reminisce about their naiveté. With Luke's head still resting on his shoulder, close enough to catch the familiar smell of his shampoo, Noah felt the reflexive urge to place his arm around Luke and draw him closer. Unsure of the boundaries for this impromptu visit, however, Noah resisted. If Luke just needed him as a friend, that's what he'd be. He could do that. An hour ago, Noah hadn't known if Luke would ever want to be his friend again. Now that, at least, seem assured. No way was he going to mess it up.

"I don't know how to explain it. But the longer I spent with the idea of bringing Reid's child into the world, the more it made sense to me. I'm thrilled Chris is alive; you know I am. But I'll never think Reid dying was what was supposed to happen. As much as I could, I got past the grief - the anger, the sadness, and just the _loss_ - but what I can't shake is the wrongness, and the finality. That this thing that never should have happened did, and there will never be a way to fix it.

And I get that. I'm not trying to fix it by doing this. Or maybe I am, in some way. Reid had the _right_ to go on. He should be _alive_. He was so young! I know, young people die all the time. And it isn't any more fair then. But I also know, most of them don't have the chance to go on like this. Reid does."

Luke carried on while Noah listened silently, "Still, that wasn't enough to make me do it. When I figured out that I wanted to, I had to decide if I _could_. Would I even be a good father? I can barely commit to a job; because of my money, I don't have to."

Noah jumped in, "Luke, that's not the same thing at all. Not attaching yourself to one job isn't the same as being afraid of commitment. You're the most devoted person I know. Nobody is more dedicated to family than you."

Luke smiled, "That's kind of what I realized. Maybe I'm not career-driven, but I would never quit on my child. And who has a better role model for a dad than me? The more I thought about it, the more sure I was that this is what I want. I want to bring this child into the world and share the love I have to give. I'm ready. I know this is the right choice."

Noah marveled, "you sound as certain as I've ever heard you about anything, Luke. And I'm happy for you. I can see how happy this decision has made you."

"I am. Especially now, knowing you're not freaking out about this. How are you _not_ freaking out about this? Does this mean my parents are gonna freak out twice as much?" They shared a laugh.

Luke lifted his head from Noah's shoulder to look at him. His expression had suddenly grown serious, worried even. Noah opted not to question him, but to instead let Luke continue at his own pace. Finally, Luke voiced his thoughts.

"Is Ben your boyfriend?"

Noah balked, then dissolved into laughter. "Ben!" Noting Luke's still-solemn expression, Noah continued, "Seriously? That would be like dating the twenty-something male version of Lucinda Walsh!" Noah had said the right thing, and Luke choked on the eruption of his own laughter.

Once he got past the hilarity of the question, Noah couldn't help but to wonder why it mattered to Luke. Did he just dislike Ben? Noah wished he was more gracious, but knew he secretly hoped the thought of himself with someone else made Luke jealous.

"There's still something else I need to talk to you about," Luke said gravely.

Uh-oh. "I'm getting a whole new appreciation of the phrase 'go big or go home'. You're definitely going big, Luke," he added, bemused. Not sensing the dread that proceeded Luke's previous revelations, Noah assumed it couldn't be too earth-shattering; at least, not comparatively speaking. He released Luke's hands to raise his own in mock-surrender, then joked, "ok, hit me. What else you got?"

"It's more of a question, really," Luke replied tentatively. "I was wondering; how do you feel about dating a single dad?"


	16. Chapter 16

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: We've returned to the same day in August 2015 where Chapter 8 left off. Luke has just returned home from out of town, and the guys must explain to Ollie what happened to his birth father.

Thank you - to BlueEyes444 for the review of the last chapter. The encouragement is always appreciated!

If more folks who are reading this would be willing to post a review (or message me with your thoughts), and let me know what you liked/didn't like, that would be awesome. I have more stories in the works for all three guys, but want to know how I'm doing with their characters. Input is appreciated!

* * *

_August 2015, continued from Chapter 8_

With their son tucked snugly between Noah and Luke on the couch, it was time to answer Ollie's question. "So, Noah says you asked about Daddy Reid," Luke began.

Ollie responded, face upturned, "Why did he go to heaven?"

Noah brought his face to Luke's ear and mischievously mumbled under his breath, "_That_ might be optimistic…"

Noah flinched slightly as Luke playfully slapped the back of his head. Ok, he had that coming. Noah hadn't been able to resist taking a _tiny_ shot at the guy.

"He mighta thought it was funny," Noah mildly protested.

Luke couldn't help but to smirk now. Noah was right about that, the brat. Still, Luke understood that Noah had also been trying to relax him, and distract him a bit from the difficulty of this topic. Even five years later, remembering _still_ hurt. Luke had long since accepted that it always would.

"Ollie, like Noah told you, there was a very bad accident." Luke paused, half-expecting Ollie to request the details, but the boy waited patiently for his father to continue. "Because of the accident, Daddy Reid's body was broken, and it didn't work anymore."

"But why didn't the doctor fix it?" Ollie questioned gravely.

When Luke drew a blank (hell, he'd wondered the same thing often enough), Noah responded, "The doctors tried, but they couldn't fix it. It was time for Reid to go to heaven." Luke raised an eyebrow, which Noah studiously ignored. "But Reid did a really awesome thing first. He gave the doctors his heart to help Chris when he was sick."

"Because it wasn't time for Chris to go to heaven yet?" the boy concluded.

"Exactly. Chris is your friend Bobby's dad. But Bobby wouldn't have been born if Chris hadn't stayed here to be his dad." Noah actually felt smart for his logic here; he hoped it was understandable to a three-year-old. Luke nodded approvingly.

"But…," Ollie's brow furrowed. "Reid didn't stay here to be my daddy, but _I _was still born."

Well, _damn_. Noah should've known better than to wonder if Ollie would understand; he understood _too_ well. Leave it to Reid Oliver's kid to immediately spot the flaw in Noah's logic. Occasionally, Ollie's similarities to his biological father could be… frustrating.

Looking over to Luke, Noah noted his husband's face was now covered with his hands. At first Noah assumed he, too, was trying to mask frustration. That is, until the telltale shudder of his shoulders gave away the truth; Luke was valiantly attempting to contain his laughter.

As Luke finally raised his face to Noah, he mouthed "I'm sorry". Noah rolled his eyes, then smiled. The look Noah gave said _I really just walked right into that one_. Luke picked up the gauntlet. "Ollie, we were very lucky. Before Reid died, he left part of himself to help us make you." Noah tried not to visibly recoil, and wondered just how birds-and-bees this was going to get. Luke merely continued, "Because of that, we get to be your dads. And we're the luckiest dads in the whole world to have you!"

Noah regarded his husband with something close to reverence. He already knew Luke was amazing, but the guy never failed to remind him on a daily basis. All without even trying. Ollie, meanwhile, pondered this information for a moment. Then, his face lit up in comprehension. "So, Daddy Reid gave Chris a heart so Bobby could get born, and he gave you me so I could get born?"

Both men shared an awestruck look. Noah lamented his earlier frustration. He knew that even though parenting Ollie gave him a mental workout at times, he'd never want the boy to be less intelligent, caring, perceptive, and even challenging. Their son was _perfect_.

Luke answered Ollie. "That's right."

"Can Daddy see us?"

Neither father was surprised at the new question. Ollie's mind worked incredibly fast. When one curiosity had been satisfied, he would inevitably move on to the next at breakneck speed.

"I believe he can," Luke responded truthfully. "I think he's watching over us right now. I _know_ he loves you very much."

"Hi Daddy! I love you!" Ollie said, waving at their living room ceiling, in the direction he assumed the heavens could be found. "I hope you're having a good day!"

Both men smiled lovingly at their son. His relentless enthusiasm and loving nature always tugged at their hearts.

"Daddy Luke," Ollie queried anew. "Did you love Daddy Reid?"

"Very much," Luke replied without hesitation. "I still do. He was very important to me, and I'll always love him."

Luke looked from Ollie to Noah, who was unperturbed by the declaration. Luke marveled at how very far they'd come. Once upon a time, his husband couldn't stand to be in the same room with Reid. Now, Luke felt completely free to share his feelings about Reid in front of Noah. Best of all, it was Noah who'd given him that freedom.


	17. Chapter 17

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When/where: Los Angeles, five months after Luke showed up at Noah's apartment, announcing his plans to have Reid's baby, and asking Noah to start seeing him again

* * *

_February 2012_

Luke had immediately relocated to L.A. to start seeing Noah. They'd taken it slow at first, but eventually, that seemed silly. They had practically known everything about each other already, and in a few weeks' time, were equally acquainted with one another's new, improved selves - or Luke and Noah 2.0, as they jokingly tagged themselves. And while dating was fun, it was becoming impractical as their primary means of being together.

Heather had agreed to temporarily move to L.A. Luke wanted to be there for her doctor's appointments, and Noah wanted to be there for Luke. More and more of Luke's time was taken in preparation for the new arrival. Between that and Noah's work, little time was left for them to squeeze in dates.

It was Noah who'd nervously brought up the subject of Luke's moving in. He didn't want to rush Luke, but also didn't see the point of the acrobatics they were doing to try and spend time together. He'd willingly do them forever, if necessary, but it seemed if they were just living their lives together already, things would be so much simpler. His dreams had come true - he had Luke back - and Noah didn't want to waste that miracle by never being with him.

To his surprise, Luke was ready, and didn't hesitate before accepting Noah's offer. That had been a month ago, and things could not have been going better. They'd settled into an easy domesticity. Too easy, in fact. Luke may have been ignoring it, but Noah noticed the glaring absence of something significant. Something that hadn't been mentioned at all since Luke's first night in L.A.

One night, they were having a quiet dinner, after Noah had returned home from a doctor's appointment. Though his surgery had been a complete success, procedure dictated he make follow-up visits, just to insure everything was fine. Noah momentarily regarded Luke over the table, then offered, "That doctor Reid recommended is pretty good. He's thorough, but doesn't waste your time with unnecessary tests. He does all the same stuff Reid did when he gave me check-ups."

Luke looked at Noah like he'd grown a third arm. From his eyeball. For his part, Noah simply reached over, grabbed a breadstick, and continued eating as though the world hadn't shifted on its axis.

"Noah."

"Yeah?"

"You just brought up Reid," Luke pointed out.

"Yeah."

Noah offered no further explanation, and Luke hadn't asked for one. He was too surprised. Frankly, Luke didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.

And then, it continued. Some comic disaster or other would befall them, like when a daydreaming Noah misjudged the distance to the cupboard, and dropped a whole set of newly cleaned plates while trying to put them away. His response had been to smile crookedly, shrug his shoulders, and say, "Oh, well. Guess I really oughtta use that sight Reid fixed." Luke was appreciably more shocked by that statement than he'd been by the jarring sound of the crashing dishes.

Another time, Noah actually commented to Luke on an inane remark someone had made earlier by saying, "Reid woulda _loved_ him." Finally, Luke couldn't take it anymore.

He had to know. "Why?"

"Why what?"

Luke rolled his eyes, "You know what! Why do you keep bringing him up? Why did you say that about Reid?"

Noah paused. "Number one, it's true. And number two, I have to practice talking about him normally. For when the baby comes."

Luke stared in wonder as Noah continued, "and number three…"

"Oh, there's a number three?" Luke queried, amused.

"Yes. Number three is most important."

"I'm intrigued, Mr. Mayer. Do tell," Luke responded, his curiosity piqued.

Noah began, "Number three is, if this is gonna work, you have to know you can talk about him."

A stunned pause followed. "I _do_ know that," Luke protested half-heartedly.

"So, maybe you just never think about him. His baby that _you're_ gonna raise will be here in like, 4 months, and you never think about the guy."

"Of course I think about him!" Luke interjected with exasperation.

"Then?"

"Noah, I don't know, it's just hard. I don't know what's ok to say in front of you. I mean, I know you'll say 'anything', but I can't do that. I don't wanna say something that will hurt you!"

"Luke," Noah began, as he took Luke's hand and led him towards the couch. After they both sat, Noah continued, "I'm not just _saying_ you can say anything, to be noble or whatever. I'm pretty sure we've established over the years, I'm not noble. Stubborn, pigheaded, stupid even, but definitely not noble."

"Bubby…" At this, they both paused. Luke hadn't called Noah that since… since the last time they were a couple. _Before_ Reid.

Noah smiled, strengthened by the endearment. "It's not exactly easy for me to name-drop him, either. It's hard to forget the part where he was your _boyfriend_. But this baby's coming - you can't change your mind now," Noah joked. "And you want him to know who his father was; I know you do. That's the right thing, but it won't happen if we never even talk about the guy."

By now Luke's eyes were moist as he replied, "Noah 2.0 is pretty fucking fantastic, just so you know."

Noah laughingly retorted, "I know. He's a wonder of science. But seriously, Luke, if you're thinking about him, it's ok if you wanna talk about it. And ok if you don't. I just need you to know that you can."

"Can you honestly say that won't hurt you?" Luke questioned.

"Honestly? Hell no. You loved the guy, Luke. You're having his _baby_. Noah 2.0 isn't Superman," he added wryly. "I'm gonna be jealous sometimes, but I think that's normal? Not that we're the experts in normal. But I'm pretty sure it's ok. At least, if it's ok with you."

"It's more than ok. It's amazing. You're just so… mature!" They both laughed at this. "Really, Noah, I mean it. You're the guy who didn't deal with feelings, remember?"

"Painfully," Noah inserted.

"Oh, sorry. I just mean… I'm just so _proud_ of you!"

Noah smiled broadly. "Well that's good, because it just so happens I'm proud of you, too." As he spoke, he leaned into Luke, sealing this thought with a gentle kiss. Luke returned the favor, then pulled back briefly, flashing him a suggestive grin. "C'mon, Noah. Show me _exactly_ how proud you are." Noah happily obliged him, pulling Luke into a far more insistent lip lock.


	18. Chapter 18

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: We've returned to the same evening in August 2015 where Chapter 16 left off. Luke and Noah had just told Ollie about what happened to Reid. Again, sorry for the random jump.

Notes: This one is short, but in its original form was too long, and I found a good stopping point in the middle to break it up.

Thank you BlueEyes444 and ArcadianProud for the reviews on 16 & 17 :)

* * *

_August 2015, continued from Chapter 16_

It was past time to tuck Ollie into bed, and already possessing the ability to read clocks, the boy was positively victorious upon discovering bedtime had come an hour late. Ollie routinely fought to stay up later, which amused his parents, since he almost always fell asleep within minutes once tucked under the covers. It was like their son was afraid he might miss something important if he wasted time in sleep.

Upon jumping into his bed, Ollie began his nighttime ritual as his fathers looked on. He selected a favorite book from the nightstand, and dramatically declared it was Daddy Luke's turn to read tonight, since he hadn't been there to for _three__whole days_. Knowing how good Ollie was at keeping the math, they knew Luke would be on deck for the following two nights, as well. Ollie liked to keep things even and balanced that way. They didn't know if he was a little OCD, or just orderly, but both men found it an adorable quality in their son.

Both Luke and Noah sat perched on either side of Ollie as Luke read the story with his customary flourish. Regarding what Noah could only deem another tour-de-force by his husband, Noah wondered that Ollie _ever_ wanted him to read the bedtime story. He always tried to make it entertaining, but he possessed nothing akin to Luke's dramatic flair. Still, Ollie seemed to enjoy alternating between the two styles.

When the story concluded, Ollie reached over to the pictures on his nightstand, and kissed each one. The first was a family portrait of the three of them. They loved that he kissed their picture every night, even though all three of them were usually right there together. Ollie's rituals were unalterable, though, and pointing that out would only have annoyed him.

The second photo showed Luke with Reid, both sporting suits for Molly's wedding-that-wasn't. A bored Natalie had been given a camera to play with while they all waited for the nuptials to materialize, and she'd actually taken a terrific shot of the two men. Luke even remembered them posing for it, but at the time, had never expected to see it again. He was surprised when weeks after Reid's death, Natalie presented him with the picture, explaining that she'd found it on the camera, and thought he might want it.

Luke had few pictures of Reid, and even fewer of the two of them together. When he'd seen the photo, he nearly sobbed all over Natalie, but managed to restrain himself to a grateful hug. He loved the way they looked in the picture, so happy in each other's presence. Yes, even Reid looked happy. His smile for Natalie's benefit was natural, and beautiful. Gorgeous, really.

Luckily, Natalie emailed Luke the photo, too, so he could make more copies. He'd worn down the corners of the original within a week, just clinging to it and staring at it all hours of the day. Years later, when the time had come to set up Ollie's room, Luke had known this photo would be included. He'd wanted Ollie to see that Luke and Reid had been happy together. Luke knew eventually, explaining the whole dynamic between all three of his dads would be a challenge, but he planned to put off worrying about that until it came up.

Now, Luke smiled as Ollie moved from the family portrait to the Reid and Luke photo, bestowing a sweet kiss upon it. Noah then said, "Ok, now your prayers, kiddo", valiantly trying not to let Ollie's schedule get thrown off anymore than it already was. As Noah moved to retrieve the photos from Ollie and replace them on the nightstand, Ollie's next words stopped him short.

"Daddy Noah?" he asked. "Did you love Daddy Reid, too?"


	19. Chapter 19

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Immediately continues from previous chapter

Thanks always to BlueEyes444 for the feedback! There are some chapters I think only you read, but as long as you do I'll keep posting them - until the fic's done, anyway!

* * *

_August 2015, continued_

_All right then_, Noah mused. _So any hope of salvaging a reasonable bedtime is shot_. Noah looked up from Ollie to see that Luke's mouth had dropped open, and that he seemingly couldn't remember how to close it.

Luke couldn't believe he'd just had the thought about dealing with exactly this kind of a question, thinking it was far off into the future. Another reason he'd wanted a photo of himself and Reid in Ollie's room was to help him understand that it was Luke and Reid who'd once been together. Ollie, who was so precocious about so many things, apparently didn't quite understand that one.

"Ollie, Reid was somebody very special to _me_," Luke began. "_I _loved him very much."

"Yeah, I know, but I wanna know about Daddy Noah. Did you know Daddy Reid?" Ollie questioned.

"Yes, Ollie, I did," Noah replied cautiously.

"So he was very special to you, too?"

_Hell yes. He sent me a kid that would subject me to this line of questioning,_ Noah thought wryly. Instead he said, "Yes, Ollie. Do you remember we told you about when I was blind? And how Reid fixed me so I could see again?"

"Yes. I'm glad he did!" Ollie enthused. "So you loved Daddy Reid too?"

So much for avoiding that topic. The kid was like a dog with a bone. Or better still, a shark that could smell blood in the water. Ollie definitely sensed the hesitation on Noah's part, which somehow amused the hell out of Noah despite everything.

Noah took a breath to think this through. He couldn't lie to Ollie. They didn't _do_ that; not for any reason. Still, could he tell his son that he hadn't liked Reid? He would, if he thought it would only make himself look bad. But Noah knew Ollie's allegiance would be to _him_, and if his son knew Noah had resented Reid, then Ollie could decide not to like him, too. Influencing Ollie in such a way was patently unacceptable.

Luke looked on sympathetically as Noah regarded their son. Noah remembered his earlier internal joke, about Reid being special for sending him this inquisitive, relentless kid. Suddenly, Noah realized he'd found the makings of an answer, one he hoped would quell this particular line of inquiry. "Ollie, Reid is special to me," he said honestly.

Ollie pressed on, "So you love Daddy Reid?"

Noah noted the small change in the question, a slight but important shift from past tense to present. Noah sure as hell couldn't say he'd at all cared for Reid while the man was alive. He wouldn't tell Ollie such a bald-faced lie. But now, Ollie'd given him an out, of sorts; Noah could simply tell Ollie what it was he felt about Reid now.

Except, he needed to think for a moment. Apart from realizing he'd misjudged the man, Noah hadn't given the subject of his altered opinion of Reid Oliver much conscious thought. Now, he was forced to do so. What did he feel about Reid?

Reid had won Luke's love. That would _always_ be a source of angst. But Noah no longer blamed the guy for loving Luke; who wouldn't?

And, if he was being honest with himself, Noah knew that he'd never fully appreciated what he'd had in Luke until Luke had moved on. With Reid. Had there been no Reid, would Noah and Luke even be together now? Or would Luke and Noah have gotten back together and splintered apart a million more times, until they'd used each other ill and broken things irrevocably?

It had been seeing Luke happy and loved with someone else that had flipped the light switch for Noah. The one that said he couldn't just reunite with Luke whenever it suited his own needs, then push Luke away again when emotions ran too high. He had done that repeatedly in the course of their relationship, and it was a miracle Luke had put up with it for as long as he had.

It was losing Luke - not for a few weeks at a time like during one of their many breakups, but for good - that gave Noah the much-earned mental bitchslap he'd needed to become the kind of man who deserved Luke. And while Noah would like to think he would've matured eventually on his own, he couldn't deny it was Reid's involvement with Luke that had lit the fuse to illumination. It showed him that if Noah wouldn't treasure Luke like the amazing gift that he was, then someone else would.

Now, taking in Luke's supportive gaze, and Ollie's questioning one, Noah realized that everything in life he held most precious, he had in large part _because_ of Reid Oliver. The revelation knocked him for six; he could hardly believe he'd never thought of it before. If not for Reid, Noah probably wouldn't have Luke now. If not for Reid, Noah _definitely_ wouldn't have Ollie. Incredibly, Noah felt the beginnings of humbling tears stinging his eyes, and blinked forcefully to inhibit them while finally addressing his son's question.

"Yes, Ollie," he said truthfully, briefly meeting Luke's utterly shocked eyes. "I love Reid for bringing us you. And for giving me my sight back so I can see you. Most of all, I love you and Luke more than _anything_," Noah punctuated his point by kissing each of their foreheads tenderly.

Ollie smiled, Noah's answer seemingly satisfying the boy's need to make sense of absolutely everything. Luke shook himself out of his amazed stupor. Noah had meant the words he'd said, and for what felt like the millionth time in their relationship, Luke could only stare at him in wonder. What had he ever done to be so blessed to have a man like Noah? And a child like their son. He didn't know, but he was unendingly thankful to whatever it was that made karma decide to smile so blindingly on him.

Finally, Luke drew himself out of his reverie to remind Ollie it was time for prayers. Ollie began as he typically did, "God Bless my greatest grandma, Emma…" At some point, Luke knew Ollie would figure out that Emma was his great-grandma, not just his grandma who was slightly greater than his other grandmas.

He was so quick to learn, though, that neither Luke nor Noah wanted to correct this endearing little mistake. They had so few of them to cling to compared to other parents. Ollie was absolutely determined to be the best and the smartest at everything. It was nice for his parents to enjoy a little chink in the brainiac armor every once in a while.

It was also funny that in Ollie's regimented bedtime routine, Emma always featured first in his prayers. Luke and Noah suspected it was because the kid ate more than the rest of the family put together, and prized Emma's cooking over just about anything else. Luckily for his fathers, Ollie wasn't picky in his eating habits, though, and scarfed down the lesser fare at home just as well.

As they concluded with Ollie's prayers, Luke pulled up the covers to his chin the way he liked. He leaned down to kiss their amazing son goodnight. Noah, who'd mostly recovered from his own realizations, followed suit. As the two men exited and made their way to their own room, Noah surprised Luke by spinning him suddenly, and pulling Luke into his arms. "Now_ I_ have a question for _you_," Noah said impishly.

Luke, intrigued, replied, "Ok. Fire away!"

Noah smiled wickedly, before lowering his face to bring it right in front of Luke's. "Daddy Luke, do you love Daddy Noah?"

Trying to stifle his laughter until they reached their own bedroom, Luke pulled Noah by the arms down the hallway. As they made their way inside and Noah secured the door behind him, Luke wound his arms up around his husband's neck. "Hmm," Luke replied coyly. "I'm not really sure. I may need convincing."

Noah lifted a surprised Luke then, sweeping his legs out from under him before Luke could react. As he placed the smaller man on their bed, laying down to join him there, Noah whispered, "that's all right. I have plenty of time to make my case…"


	20. Chapter 20

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Eleven months after Reid died and a few weeks before Luke goes to see Noah in L.A.

Eternal thank you to BlueEyes444 for... well, you know why. :)

* * *

_August 2011 _

Luke shot up in his bed, his heart racing, his lungs desperately gasping for air. As he pulled in a few deep breaths and recognized his surroundings, his mind calmed, and he reclined back against his pillows. He was safe at home, not back in the nightmare.

Where had he been in the dream? At first, he couldn't recall. He grasped at hazy details, trying to remember the specifics of what it was that had terrified him so effectively.

_Noah_. The single word, a handful of letters that once again commanded his thoughts, his feelings, and if he was honest with himself, his dreams of the future. As he lay sprawled face-up in the middle of his bed, the thought of Noah prompted Luke to remember the details of his nightmare.

In the dream, Noah had been standing across from Luke on the banks of a tumultuous, dirty brown river. Overhead, the sky swirled with unnatural, menacing hues of ash grey and blazing auburn. Harsh, scalding winds blew rotting refuse through the scene, and not-so-distant howls of agony wafted through the thick, suffocating air.

Through it all, Noah stood steadfast, gazing adoringly at Luke with his most open, carefree, and loving smile. He was _beautiful_. In a world of horror and desolation, Noah was an incandescent ray of light, impervious to the bleakness and decay that surrounded him. He appeared to see nothing save Luke, and Luke wanted desperately to get to him; to cocoon himself in Noah's loving arms and escape the isolation of the petrified, rotting world in which they stood.

As if Noah innately sensed Luke's need for him, he began to move. He started across a perilous looking footbridge, one riddled with holes and barely-attached floorboards. Luke's heart sped in terror; Noah would surely fall into the river, which had morphed from a flood of brown filth into a torrent of scorching lava.

Luke screamed for Noah to stop, and turn back. Noah remained smiling and unconcerned as he continued to effortlessly navigate the crumbling bridge. To Luke's agonized horror, however, a plank upon which Noah had stepped suddenly gave, and he fell through the hole, hurtling towards the lava below.

At the last possible second, Noah's hand shot out to catch himself, and he grabbed onto the bridge above him, hanging precariously. As Luke crawled onto the bridge from his side of the fiery river and reached Noah, he tried in vain to grasp Noah's hand, but couldn't quite reach. "Noah!" he'd cried in tortured despair.

For his part, Noah simply looked up at Luke, still smiling serenely. "Luke, it's all right," he'd said calmly. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm still here. Whenever you're ready."

Luke had woken then, his traumatized heart pounding nails of crushing fear against his ribcage. And it was no wonder. The nightmare had felt _so_ real. It was 3 in the morning now, and it took everything in him not to call Noah, just to make certain he was fine.

Luke resisted, though. After all, he and Noah hadn't spoken since Christmas, and that had been… God. He'd been _such_ an ass to Noah. How Noah wanted anything at all to do with him after that, Luke couldn't fathom.

Still, Noah had continued sending a monthly letter for Luke, along with the ones he'd been sending Lily and Holden. Luke's parents had explained that Noah had instructed them to hold the letters for Luke until they felt he was ready to receive them, but they'd decided that Luke would be the best judge of that.

So unbeknownst to Noah, Luke had been reading his monthly letter, too. Each one updated Luke about Noah's life in L.A. - what he'd been up to, the friends he'd made, and how production on his film was coming along (though he was curiously vague as to its content).

Sometimes Noah would refer to an experience the two of them had shared, such as a movie they'd seen, or a funny memory that he'd been reminded of. But Noah kept things on a strictly friendship level. He wrote to Luke as if they had never been the love of each other's lives.

At first, Luke appreciated this. He'd had so much to work through, and adding walks down memory lane through the highlights (and lowlights) of their tempestuous romance wasn't something he was prepared to add to his plate. Yet, the complete absence of any allusions to what they'd been to each other began to bother him.

Particularly with the increased mentions of someone named Ben. Ben, apparently, was the Greatest Guy _Ever_. Ben knew everything that could be known about filmmaking.

Ben told the funniest jokes in the history of mankind. Ben was spoiled rotten, but it was ok because he completely owned it, and was so scathingly self-effacing about his silver-spoon upbringing that everyone loved him. Ben was gay, but could flirt so effectively with anyone, man or woman, that he never failed to get their film crew into all the best clubs in L.A.

Ben could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Ben could bowl a perfect game with both hands tied behind his back. Ben could stop bullets with his teeth. Ben this, Ben that.

Fuck Ben.


	21. Chapter 21

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues immediately from the previous chapter

Thank yous: While most readers aren't commenting, I can see this has gotten quite a bit more in the way of hits/views than I ever could have expected for a crazy Reid-heavy Nuke fic. Knowing how very much people are either Nuke or LuRe, not both, I can't even express my appreciation for those of you who have stuck with reading this. I am amazed and so, so encouraged by it. So, thank you!

P.S. Thank you specifically to snowbeardolphin and BlueEyes444 for the comments on the last chapter. :)

* * *

_August 2011, continued_

Luke knew why the thought of Noah seeing someone bothered him. Luke himself had come through his grieving period, for the most part. It had taken months to feel at all normal, and even more months to remotely entertain the idea of dating again.

It was Katie who'd brought it up earlier in the summer. She understood better than anyone what it was to lose someone you loved, and start over. One day, she'd broached the subject with Luke over their weekly lunch date.

"He would want you to be happy, you know," Katie had begun.

"I _am_ happy, Katie," Luke had replied. He was telling the truth, at least in part. Katie didn't know what Luke was planning, because he hadn't told anyone, but Luke had made the decision to bring Reid's child into the world.

Katie's next words soundly interrupted his thoughts. "There's a new producer at WOAK. He's completely new to Oakdale, a really great guy…"

"OH God, Katie. You're not seriously trying to set me up? You are," Luke concluded, half annoyed, half bemused. "You're setting me up with some random guy."

"He's not some random guy; his name's Trevor."

Luke balked. "Trevor! Are you serious? Does he take crumpets with his tea?"

"Luke!" An exasperated Katie continued, "Just give him a chance. Give _yourself_ a chance. I've been where you are, and I know you can find happiness again, but not if you shut yourself off from any hope of it!"

Luke wanted to tell Katie that she didn't have to be concerned. He _was_ happy about the decision he'd made; the one he wasn't ready to share with her yet. And he surely couldn't ask her how this Trevor character would feel about being set up with a guy who was planning a baby.

"Ok."

"What?" Katie asked, sure she had misheard.

"Ok. IF you explain to this _Trevor _that I'm _not_ looking to get involved with someone. I'll take him out, introduce him to some friends, help welcome him to Oakdale, whatever. But I'm not gonna romance the guy, Katie."

"Oh, Luke," Katie gushed enthusiastically. "This is great! I just want you to do something to remind yourself that life does go on. That you can live again and someday even love again…"

"Katie," Luke warned. "NOT gonna romance him. Do I need to write that in bold text across your forehead?"

"Ok, ok; I'm sorry. It's just, you have to start living sometime. And you going out at all is a first step - an important one! I'm so happy you're taking it; that's all."

As it turned out, Trevor _was_ a great guy, and good-looking, too. Luke had been concerned about the man's expectations, but it was obvious Katie had given him the 411 on how available Luke _wasn't_. He didn't make any physical overtures towards Luke, and this in turn relaxed Luke, and allowed him to just enjoy going out for a great dinner and even better conversation.

By the end of the non-date, Luke realized that he _was_ ready to think about moving on, and open himself to the possibility of love again. Though not with Trevor. For whatever reason, the connection between them fell squarely within the friend-zone. They even joked how funny it was to find a nice, handsome guy and be so thoroughly _un_attracted to him. Still, they made plans to meet again, and over the summer, Trevor had become something of a spare big brother to Luke.

Without telling Katie, though, Luke began accepting a few invitations for real dates. He wasn't so much as interested in any of his potential suitors as he was just to experience what it was to _date_. It seemed ridiculous, but he had never really just dated.

First there was Noah, and then Reid. Relationship, then relationship. Sure, he'd gone on dates with both men, but those came after he had already known and cared for them. He'd never dated someone as a means of getting to know them. It struck him that he'd missed some significant part of the human experience, and if Reid's death taught him anything, it was that he should try to experience everything with whatever time this life allowed.

So for the first time, Luke Snyder played the field. After his third or fourth date, however, he began to think this dating thing was incredibly overrated. Sure, his dates were nice enough, but he could never seem to form a real interest in learning about them. He felt like a prize jerk for only pretending to listen, after asking them about themselves solely for etiquette's sake.

It was on his fifth date, precisely, that Luke suddenly realized what he'd actually been doing every time he fought to pay attention. He hadn't been relishing the details of the lawyer's recent courtroom success, or the executive's impressive boardroom coup, that's for sure. He didn't even adequately appreciate the teacher's sweet story of his students' triumph in their annual spring production. What Luke _had _been doing is comparing each man who sat across from him with someone else.

Someone so infinitely more important to him, he wondered what the hell he'd been doing all summer. Who were these nobodies he'd been going to dinner with? Why had Luke thought this was a good idea?

Until he realized, it was. It had made Luke acknowledge what it really was he wanted now that he was ready to move on. It wasn't serial dating. And it wasn't finding someone new to love.

Luke _already_ loved someone. His most shocking revelation of all was that when he'd been unfavorably comparing his dates to someone else, much to his surprise, that someone wasn't Reid. It was Noah.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Immediately continues from the previous chapter; Luke continues reflecting upon the moment he realized he was still in love with Noah

Thank you to BlueEyes444 and snowbeardolphin for the continued encouragement.

* * *

_August 2011, continued_

Noah! How was that even possible? Why was he comparing every potential love interest to Noah Mayer? Hadn't Luke been the one to tell Noah they weren't right for each other? Hadn't Luke been the one to move on?

For weeks he tried to justify this inexplicable phenomenon to himself. Luke's fifth date had been his last; he hadn't seen the point of continuing them. He needed to work out what was going on in his head.

Luke attempted to pinpoint the exact moment in time when he'd fallen out of love with Noah. He tried, and failed. Because the simple, glaring truth was, Luke Snyder had _never_ fallen out of love with Noah Mayer.

He'd _wanted_ to. He'd put down that love, and left it behind, because clinging to it when he couldn't be with Noah had been killing him inside. And Luke absolutely _had_ fallen in love with Reid Oliver.

So how was it he hadn't realized, he'd been in love with two men at once? What kind of person did that make him? How could Luke feel the same thing for two people at the same time? Except, it wasn't the same. Not at all.

Loving Reid, as prickly as he may have seemed at first glance, had been easy. In truth, beneath his curmudgeonly exterior, Reid was open, accepting, and unreserved in showing Luke that he wanted him. For Luke, it was a whole new world. Being loved by someone amazing who _hadn't_ struggled with that desire felt incredible.

Loving Noah, on the other hand, had been the hardest thing Luke had ever done. Not _falling_ in love with him; that had been all too easy. But so much of what followed was so unendingly difficult.

Noah's refusal to acknowledge who he really was. Luke's pushing him to do so before he was ready. Noah's denial of their feelings for one another. His relationship with Maddie. Colonel Mayer's insanity. Ameera's plight. Luke's jealousy. Noah's near-miss of a military career. Luke's inability to let go of his Kevin issues. Luke's screw-up with Brian. The Z's machinations. The hundred-and-one other obstacles that littered their path to each other. Finally, the accident that took Noah's sight.

As much as he'd loved Noah, it was all too damn hard. Luke didn't know why, but they didn't seem to be equipped to handle whatever life threw at them. Time and again, the obstacles they faced broke them, and only the depth and scope of their love had been able to put them back together again, if with a few more cracks showing each time. Finally, they'd broken for good, and that had been the most singularly painful experience of Luke's life.

Of course, later Luke would discover a whole other level of pain. The agony that came when a relationship that _wasn't_ dysfunctional, but solid and wonderful, was brutally crushed beneath the one obstacle even a love as strong as his and Reid's couldn't fight. Death.

And so Luke had soldiered through that indescribable hell, and somehow emerged intact on the other side. He was irreversibly altered, of course. Knowing that kind of loss changed him permanently. It clarified a lot, for starters.

Pre-Reid, Luke had loved Noah so much, and wanted him back so badly, he'd nearly lost sight of himself. His only missions in life had been helping Noah get his sight back, and getting _Noah_ back. After those things were accomplished, Luke could then carry on normally.

Except that Luke had _never_ really carried on normally. In his entire (albeit brief) adult life, Luke had almost never put forth the effort to discover what it was that _he_ wanted from life; to find purpose within himself. He'd built his happiness primarily around loving Noah, and later, around loving Reid.

Now, Luke wondered what it was that made him look outside himself for happiness. He thought back to his high school days, and coming out. Especially in the face of his mother's less-than-supportive reaction, Luke had been so desperate to be not just tolerated, but accepted and loved. Maybe that need to be validated by someone else had never left him.

When Noah came along, it was like the heavens smiled on Luke. Even _with_ all the issues that Noah brought to the table. First, Luke had fallen for the seemingly-straight Noah, but even when Noah found out, he didn't freak out about it like Kevin had. Then, incredibly, Noah actually returned Luke's interest (though admittedly, he hadn't wanted to).

Finally, Noah's feelings for Luke asserted themselves so strongly, he actually _kissed_ Luke, right in the office at WOAK. Where _anyone_ could have seen them. One fact that Luke had never recognized before was that perversely, Noah's reluctance to acknowledge his own sexuality had actually increased Luke's self-esteem. He was heady with the thought that Noah wanted him so much, he couldn't even stop himself from kissing Luke.

And that kiss. My GOD, that kiss. Luke hadn't been at all prepared for it, but it hadn't mattered. At the touch of Noah's lips to his own, Luke was home. In that moment, for the first time ever, Luke was exactly where he was supposed to be, with exactly whom he was meant to be with.

Immediately afterwards, he'd been hurt and bewildered by Noah's rejection. Yet, when Noah apologized for trying to pass the kiss off as a joke, and explained about the demands of his uncompromising father, Luke had forgiven him. Thus began a pattern that would recur over the ensuing years.


	23. Chapter 23

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Immediately continues from the previous chapter; after his nightmare, Luke continues reflecting upon his relationship with Noah

Thank you as ever BlueEyes444 and Snowbeardolphin

* * *

_August 2011, continued_

Luke and Noah would get close, then Noah would retreat, distancing himself from Luke. It had started before the kiss, really, when the two of them had nearly locked lips after their first swim at the Snyder Pond. But Noah had pretended nothing happened at all.

After Colonel Mayer tried to kill Luke, Noah resisted coming to see him at the hospital, thinking it better for Luke's sake to stay away. When the Colonel seemingly committed suicide, again Noah pulled away from Luke. And of course, after the accident that took Noah's sight. Each time, Luke weathered the storm, and fought to bring them back together. Sometimes, though, it had felt to Luke like he was the only one fighting for them.

That feeling chipped away at Luke's sometimes precarious sense of worth. It also bred in Luke a resentment he hadn't seen at the time. These factors combined both to make Luke need Noah even more, and to feel even more devastated and angry when Noah inevitably fell short of Luke's growingly lofty expectations.

With Reid, things could not have been more different. Luke hadn't demanded so much of Reid. Possibly because part of Luke was still with Noah. But probably even more because Reid was unapologetic about the fact the only expectations he intended to serve were his own, at least at first. Whereas often, Noah had tried to be what Luke needed, Reid was content with who he was, and if Luke didn't like it, then fuck him.

Looking back, Luke realized how unfair he'd been to Noah. He'd not only expected Noah to love him, but often to do so entirely on Luke's terms. He'd actually wanted Noah to support his rigging of the school election, and when that didn't happen, he'd still demanded that Noah lie for him. To the dean of the college, no less; an action that could have gotten Noah kicked out of school!

Luckily, Noah's strong sense of right and wrong prevented him from taking that action. Later, Luke could see that Noah had not only resisted for his own sake, but for Luke's. Noah genuinely cared that Luke see his wrongdoing, and make amends. Because of his love for Luke, he expected the best from him, and even when Luke fell short, Noah still loved him.

Even when Noah pulled away from Luke during his blindness, Luke realized a big part of that had been Noah not wanting Luke to be saddled with an invalid boyfriend. Noah was determined to be self-sufficient, and couldn't bring himself to just let Luke take care of him. Luke knew much of that could be chalked up to Colonel Mayer's stringent lessons on what it was to be a man. No matter how they'd tried to move on from the spectre of Noah's father, the teachings he'd ingrained into Noah's psyche never really went away.

So Noah pushed Luke away. In turn, Luke began responding to the attentions of Reid. Still, in his mind, he'd thought it was only a matter of time before he reconciled with Noah. A hope effectively quashed when a newly-sighted Noah caught him kissing Reid, and told Luke they were through.

By then, Luke, while heartbroken, had truly come to care for Reid, so embarking on a relationship with him seemed a natural progression. It had barely occurred to him that maybe more time off between relationships was called for, but perhaps that had been a good thing. It hadn't given him time to transfer weighty expectations from Noah to Reid.

Eventually, Luke wanted more from Reid, but reasonable requests that came from the potential he saw in Reid, instead of from his own needy demands. Luke knew Reid had a heart, and encouraged him to use it more. Luke couldn't know how he'd regret that later, since it was Reid's concern for the Hughes family that ultimately led to his downfall.

Still, Luke suspected Reid would have done the same without his encouragement to reach out to others. It was why Reid was a doctor, after all. He was single-minded in his determination to heal his patients. He might have denied it was because he cared, but Luke knew better.

So Luke had loved and lost Noah, then loved and lost Reid. But the _way_ in which he'd loved each man was different. His relationship with Reid had been relaxed, caring, flirtatious, and shockingly _normal_. And it was true that Luke's relationship with Noah had experienced its serene, blissful, and _simpatico_ moments, where the two of them were absolutely on the same page, and wrapped themselves within a bubble containing nothing but them and their love. Still, their relationship had also been turbulent, passionate, and a lot like flying on a trapeze without a net.

The fact was, somehow the world had allowed Luke and Reid's relationship to blossom without throwing endless roadblocks in their path. They'd had their touch-and-go moments, like any couple, but nothing major that they hadn't been able to work through quickly. Of course, now Luke wondered if that was because fate had planned to throw the biggest obstacle of all in their path; the only one that couldn't be overcome.

At that thought, Luke's mind went straight to Noah. If death was the only obstacle that couldn't be overcome, was there any reason he and Noah couldn't be together now? Maybe there was. Maybe _that _had been the origin of Luke's nightmare.

Because earlier today, Luke and Heather had visited the fertility clinic for a first attempt at conceiving Reid's child. Was _that_ what Luke's nightmare had been about? That because of the choice he'd made, Noah wouldn't ever want him back?

Luke began to second-guess his decision to proceed before talking to Noah, then slapped those thoughts down. Even on the off-chance Noah _was_ still waiting, they couldn't go back to how they'd been before. If Luke was serious about this, he had to be the man he was now; not the desperate boy who'd made Noah responsible for the entirety of his happiness. Noah would either accept Luke for who he was now, or he wouldn't.

While it hurt like hell to think he wouldn't, being on his own had made Luke stronger. It had given him time to assess what it was _he _wanted in life. And he was sure about the course of action he'd taken. He _wanted_ to be a father to this potential child. Luke could only hope that Noah would accept what he needed to do out of his love for Reid, yet also understand that Luke was still in love with Noah, and even love him back.

Given their history, that seemed like an impossibly tall order, even to him. Still, Luke knew the events of last year had changed Noah, too; not just himself. Only weeks before Reid's death, Noah's hurt had caused him to tell Luke they couldn't even be friends. Yet, when tragedy struck, and the man Luke loved and Noah hated was killed, suddenly Noah had appeared at his side. Noah had listened to him mourn Reid, and helped Luke through his grief.

Even when Luke completely flipped out on Noah at Christmas, Noah simply took it. He never lashed back or tried to score points on Luke like they'd done in the past. Instead, he let Luke vent upon him uninterrupted, then shared his own regret with Luke, in a completely open, raw way in which Noah had _never_ shared his feelings before.

And still, Noah continued to write him. He never stopped checking in with Luke, letting him know Noah was still thinking about him. What Luke didn't know, though, was if it was just habit. And if Noah felt some sort of obligation to write Luke when he wrote to Luke's parents.

Was Noah still waiting? Or was he over Luke? Had Noah moved on with that man, Ben, who featured so prominently in his letters?

Who did this clown think he was, anyway? Elbowing his way into Noah's life; getting so _close_ to him. What were his intentions? Well, that was a dumb question. Noah _had_ written that Ben was gay.

So assuming that in addition to his countless other attributes, Ben possessed both eyesight and a pulse, Luke knew damn well what the guy's intentions with Noah were. Of course Ben would want Noah. Who wouldn't?

God, it made Luke sick. While he was a thousand miles away, this Ben character was moving in on _his_ Noah. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.


	24. Chapter 24

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: June of 2012, Los Angeles. Heather is several weeks overdue with Ollie, who should have been born towards the end of May.

* * *

_June 2012 _

"Can I get you anything?"

"No."

"Are you sure? A soda, at least? You're exhausted; maybe you could use the caffeine…"

"I said NO!"

_I'm not really helping here._ "Sorry."

"No, Noah. _I'm_ sorry," Luke offered, then extended a moist palm to Noah, who took it as they sat side-by-side. "Just because I'm going crazy doesn't mean I have the right to take it out on you." His fingers absentmindedly traced over Noah's ring, a gesture that subconsciously comforted Luke even while he was unaware he was doing it.

"Actually, you do. I _am_ your husband. Didn't I just sign up for 'better or worse'- or something like that. Does that ring any bells?"

Luke couldn't prevent the smile that crept onto his face. "You are _such_ a dork."

"And you married me. What does that make you, exactly?"

"Enough! Ok, ok, point made. I'm being a total spazz, I know."

"No, you're just worried," Noah replied. "It's normal under the circumstances."

Sudden laughter erupted from Luke. "Really? What part of these circumstances is normal? I'm a man, sitting in a hospital with my husband, waiting for a doctor to induce labor on our overdue surrogate, so she can give birth to my late boyfriend's baby."

"Well, geez, when you put it like that…"

Their shared laughter derived more from the nervous tension than from Luke's irreverent summation of the moment. The doctors had assured them they expected no complications from the baby's delayed arrival, but there were still risks involved with any childbirth. The lateness just compounded their concern for both the baby, and Heather.

Heather, for her part, had taken it all amazingly in stride. Especially considering that for the last month, she looked like she'd swallowed a watermelon whole. The guys felt awful about her obvious discomfort, especially at the start of a California summer, but Heather complained the least of the three of them. Luke and Noah liked to joke that she probably secretly cursed them both when they were out of earshot.

The non-arrival had also thrown a wrench into the Snyder family's plans to attend the birth. The whole clan had descended on L.A. for Noah and Luke's wedding, scheduled a week before the baby's due date. Both events had to take place in California, because Heather couldn't travel so close to the birth, and the marriage wouldn't be legal in Illinois. Luckily, appeals on the overturning of Prop 8 had recently been exhausted, resulting in the legal right to marry in California for Luke and Noah.

The Snyder clan, however, couldn't wait indefinitely for the baby to arrive. Jobs had to be returned to, and lives had to be resumed. After two weeks, even Lily had flown back to Oakdale, with a promise to rush back the second the baby was on the way. Now, she, Holden, Lucinda, and even Emma were en route back to Los Angeles. Emma wasn't exactly the private jet type, but nothing would stop her from welcoming her great-grandchild into the world.

So, the newlyweds sat nervously, awaiting the safe arrival of the baby, and keenly feeling the absence of the rest of the Snyders. As they silently prayed that everything would go smoothly, Luke spotted the approach of a nurse, and alerted Noah. They stood with barely restrained excitement and terror to hear the news she would deliver.

"How's the baby…" "Did everything go…"

They'd begun peppering the nurse with questions simultaneously, but stopped when the woman held her hand up. "The baby isn't here yet; sorry, guys."

Luke responded with not a small amount of agitation, "Then what is it? Is something wrong?"

"No, no; well, nothing like that. It's Heather's sister. Lara seems to have a bug of some kind, and is unable to continue as Heather's coach. They asked me to come get the backup," the nurse concluded.

On cue, the petite Lara walked in, managing to look both apologetic, and seasick. "I'm so sorry! It came on me so suddenly. One minute I was holding her hand, going through the breathing with her. The next, I was retching into the garbage can outside the delivery room.""It's all right," Noah assured her. "That's why Luke went to the classes, too. So no worries - we're covered." He turned to Luke.

"I can't."

Now everyone stared at Luke, who'd sunk back down into a chair. Finally Noah questioned, "what do you mean?"

"I'm sorry, Noah… Lara. I'm sick, too. I didn't say anything because I didn't think it would come up, but…," he trailed off, embarrassed. Noah kicked himself for not realizing Luke's outward distress wasn't solely a sign of nerves, but also of illness. And his reluctance to eat or drink anything all day made even more sense now.

Lara looked like she might cry, with Luke to follow soon thereafter. The nurse asked if there was anyone else they could call. "I got it," Noah answered, sounding appreciably more sure than he felt. "I'll do it. I didn't go to the classes, but I read the same books. And searched for information online. And watched instructional videos on UsTube."

Luke and Lara looked at Noah, impressed. Lara said, "Noah, that's amazing - my sister will be relieved to have you there!" The nurse, not excited at the prospect of an untrained Lamaze coach, seemed skeptical, but mumbled grudgingly, "Well, you'd better get in there, then."

Before heading off to the delivery room, Noah leaned down to Luke's chair. "Everything will be fine," he assured Luke.

"Noah, in case I haven't said it today… you're _incredible_." Luke knew that Noah had been reading up in preparation for the impending arrival, but hadn't had the slightest idea just how extensively. "What made you think to do that?"

"I just wanted us to be ready, no matter what."

With that simple statement, Luke understood. Noah had grown up having the rug pulled out from under him so many times, moving from place to place, never knowing what to expect. And later, any feeling of security Noah _had_ possessed was shattered when Col. Mayer went off the rails, and again when Noah had the accident that blinded him. One thing Luke had come to realize was that feeling prepared for any eventuality gave Noah comfort, and a sense of control. Luke hoped their recent nuptials would help Noah feel secure in the knowledge that they would always be a family. But he couldn't help but be grateful for Noah's over-planning at times; now being a perfect example.

"Noah, as long as you're by my side, I know there's nothing to worry about," Luke said, and meant it.

"Well, maybe one thing. Soon, you're gonna have your baby in your arms, screaming its head off, and expecting its father to change a diaper," Noah quipped, then started off towards the delivery room, sending a parting wink to Luke.


	25. Chapter 25

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Immediately picks up from the previous chapter; Noah has stepped up as a substitute Lamaze coach for Heather in the delivery room

Other: At the start, I estimated this fic would be about 19 chapters long. The new plan is to bring it in within 30. God willing. Thanks to those who've stuck with it. :)

* * *

_June 2012, continued_

An hour later, Noah wasn't so sure everything was going to be fine, like he'd promised Luke. Even though the doctors assured that everything was proceeding normally, and Heather herself compared her labor favorably to her previous surrogacy, the whole process made Noah as nervous as hell. He had taken comfort in the fact that the people who'd done this before seemed relatively calm.

But as Heather followed the doctor's instructions to push, the beeping of the fetal monitor changed from a soft ping to a louder, more pronounced alert.

"What's wrong?" she and Noah asked simultaneously.

"The baby's heart rate has dropped a bit, but don't worry," the obstetrician reassured them. "There seems to be some pressure on the umbilical cord, but it's not that unusual. The monitor's just letting us know to keep a closer eye on things."

Heather smiled weakly, probably as much for Noah's sake as anyone's. She could see the worry etched into his face, and it mirrored her own. As he caught her gaze, Noah smiled back, realizing his obvious concern wasn't what Heather needed to see.

Noah continued holding Heather's hand, encouraging her progress. She was grateful for the support, and felt that Noah's steadying presence was even more helpful than her sister's welcome but excitable coaching had been. As Heather continued to follow the doctor's instructions to push on command, the fetal monitor once again changed tunes, this time to a more urgent, insistent alarm.

Before she or Noah could even ask, the doctor explained, "The pressure on the umbilical cord has caused the baby's heart rate to drop below 100 beats per minute. Heather, it's important to stay calm. We're going to give you some oxygen and fluid, and move your position to try and help relieve the pressure."

"Noah," Heather cried out, now clinging desperately to Noah's arm. He leaned in, whispering into Heather's ear, extending words of comfort that neither of them would remember later. What mattered wasn't what Noah said, but that he spoke so softly, Heather had to focus entirely on his voice to hear him, distracting her from the ominous beeping of the fetal monitor.

As Noah continued to reassure Heather, his thoughts swiftly altered to prayers for both her and the baby. _Please, God, let everything be all right_, Noah pleaded silently. He wasn't a church-goer, probably because the Colonel had made sure they attended church regularly to impress others with his supposed righteousness, and it had all felt hypocritical to Noah. Still, Noah believed in a higher power, and hoped fervently that God would see the baby safely through this crisis.

As the monitor continued beeping, and the hectic nature of the attempts to correct the problem increased, Noah launched another desperate prayer from his heart, not even aware he was doing it. But this one wasn't to the man upstairs. At least, not _that _man.

_Please…_, Noah implored. _Help the baby… please, Reid… please…_

Suddenly, Heather gave a final, exhausted push, sending the newborn into the doctor's hands. Both Noah and Heather held their breath until the fluid was suctioned from the baby's mouth, and it gave a loud, strong cry. The doctor, up to speed on the unique family situation, addressed Noah.

"Congratulations - it's a boy! Would you like to cut the cord, Mr. Snyder?"

Noah momentarily stared at the scene before him, before realizing that it was he who was being addressed. He hadn't been Mr. Snyder long enough to be accustomed to the moniker. "It should be Luke," Noah replied to the physician.

A nurse was dispatched to retrieve Luke. She returned moments later with the news that the ailing Luke was currently indisposed, and had asked that Noah proceed. While he wanted to wait for Luke, Noah understood it was probably better for his husband to avoid this particular undertaking in light of his current condition.

Tentatively, Noah took the scissors from the doctor's outstretched hand, and began cutting the cord. It felt strange - the cord was tougher than he would have anticipated. Noah also avoided looking at the baby. He wanted to try and wait for Luke at least in that.

When Noah finished the task at hand, the baby was immediately whisked away to be cleaned and have his vitals checked. Noah returned to Heather's side, praising her strength and courage through the delivery. In turn, Heather thanked Noah for his support, and congratulated him on the new arrival.

Heather was then moved to her hospital room nearby, with Noah escorting her. After a short time, the baby was brought in. The newborn had passed all tests with flying colors, seemingly no worse for the wear after the drama of his birth.

The nurse who'd been reluctant to see Noah in the delivery room now beamed at him, as she rolled the baby's bed into the room. The young man had impressed her with his steadfast demeanor and caring nature during the not-quite-routine delivery. "So, who wants to hold him first?", she queried.

Heather immediately responded, "He should meet his family first. Noah? Take that chair by the wall. He'll be easier to hold if you're sitting."

Noah wanted to decline, not wanting Luke to miss another milestone. But, he also realized that Heather was right. There was no way to know how long Luke would be, and the newborn needed to bond with his family.

Noah had married Luke, and promised him he'd be there to help care for the baby. That made Noah family, though Noah hadn't yet defined exactly what his role with the child would be, and Luke hadn't pressed him to. Luke had been thrilled just knowing they'd be a family. He completely trusted that Noah would not only love him, but the baby, too.

"Can someone please check on Luke?" Noah asked the question as he moved to sit in the chair Heather had indicated. The nurse smiled understandingly, and told Noah that someone had already been sent to inform Luke that the baby had been brought to Heather's hospital room.

She continued, "Now don't be nervous, but I'll warn you that this little guy screams no matter who holds him. Of course, after his adventure today, who could blame him?" On cue, as the baby was lifted from its bassinet, he unleashed a roar that even caused Heather to flinch. She then joined the nurse in laughter, both astounded at the impressive volume of the sound.

Finally, the nurse placed the squawking newborn into an apprehensive Noah's waiting arms. Noah looked down at the baby, and immediately, amazingly, the squealing stopped. As did life as Noah knew it.

Upon the first connection of Noah's eyes to those of the child, he was lost. No; he was _found_. Noah hadn't expected it, and could never have anticipated it, but holding the baby was like coming home. In the mountain of books Noah had devoured in the last months, he'd read that the vision of a newborn was limited, and blurry. Yet, Noah could swear _this_ baby was looking right at him; sizing him up, even. And he felt powerless to do anything but return the child's gaze.

Later, Noah would wonder if either of them had even blinked in the moment. It was doubtful. Noah was simply, wholeheartedly, and irrevocably _awed _by the infant in his arms. The nurse might be talking to Heather. There might be sounds of passerby in the corridor. A fireworks display could be taking place right outside the window.

Noah wouldn't know. He heard nothing but the quiet sounds of the baby's breaths. He felt nothing but the soft fabric of the blanket covering the tiny weight in his hands. He saw nothing but the brightest pair of impossibly blue eyes. Somehow, the tiny human Noah held had instantly and decisively wrapped himself firmly around Noah's heart, never to let go.


	26. Chapter 26

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues immediately from the previous chapter. Noah has just met the baby, and Luke makes his way to the hospital room to see them both.

Thank you to jberri79 for reviewing the previous chapter!

* * *

_June 2012, continued_

A few minutes after Noah had been given the baby, a somewhat recovered Luke headed to Heather's hospital room, carrying the mask he'd wear to protect the infant from Luke's virus. Because he'd decided not to learn the baby's sex before the birth, he still didn't even know whether he had a daughter or son. When the nurse had come to announce the birth, Luke interrupted, explaining that he only wanted to know that the baby and Heather were fine, but wanted to wait until he was with his husband to find out the baby's gender.

After all, he and Noah were supposed to hear that news _together _when the baby was born. Luke's flu had killed that hope, but at least Noah could be the one to give him the news. He couldn't believe of all days, this was the one he'd be sick. He'd spent the majority of his child's birth in a men's room stall, wrapped around a toilet. Not really how he'd imagined this day.

Thank God for Noah. When Luke had made the decision to have this baby, he'd done so knowing he would more than likely be on his own, and believing he was now mature enough to handle that. But thank God he didn't have to. Having Noah with him both today and throughout the pregnancy had made everything so much better than he'd dared to dream.

Luke had never specifically asked for Noah's participation in the process. He knew it must be difficult for Noah that this was _Reid's_ child, and Luke never wanted to push Noah to become more involved than he was comfortable with. Yet from the start, it was Noah who'd thrown himself headfirst into the preparations for the baby.

It was Noah who surprised Luke periodically with some random baby item or other he'd picked up on his way home from work. It was Noah who suggested he adjust his schedule to join Luke at as many of Heather's appointments as he could. And it was Noah who held Luke's hand as they saw the baby on the ultrasound for the very first time, its heart beating sure and strong.

It had almost seemed to Luke like Noah was trying _too_ hard to prove himself. Luke worried that Noah felt he owed some kind of penance for not sticking by Luke in the past. When he broached the subject with Noah, though, Noah just smiled, telling Luke that learning from your mistakes isn't a punishment, but a gift.

Luke could hardly argue that point, so resolved not to worry about it. After all, Noah seemed as happy as he was. When they became engaged, Noah promised to stand by both Luke and the baby for the rest of their lives, and Luke knew that he meant it. Still, Luke wanted Noah to choose his own role in the baby's life. Luke understood that no matter his choice, Noah would be a positive influence for the child.

After all, Luke's siblings adored Noah. He was like another big brother in their eyes, and someone they knew they could always count on to have their backs. If that was the kind of role Noah chose with this baby, that would be perfectly fine with Luke. Still, in his heart of hearts, Luke daydreamed of the two of them parenting the baby together.

Now, as he walked to the hospital room where he would finally meet his child, Luke reflected that perhaps Noah meeting the baby first had been a good thing. Maybe having their start with just one another would be a nice memory for Noah. Luke smiled as he mentally envisioned an animated Noah standing over the baby's bassinet, excitedly giving the newborn tips about what constitutes a great film.

As Luke slipped on the mask and entered the room, however, that was not the scene that greeted him. He had expected to hear laughing, talking, a baby's cries; really, _anything_. Instead, the sheer silence Luke encountered made him feel like he had walked into a cathedral.

He first looked to the bed, where Heather sat serenely, her eyes trained on the opposite corner of the room. Luke followed her gaze to the rocking chair, in which Noah sat, cradling the baby. He waited for Noah to acknowledge his presence, but soon realized that Noah hadn't even heard Luke enter.

Luke almost spoke, but felt awkward about breaking what seemed like a sacred silence. Instead, he opted to wait for Noah to discover he was there. In the meantime, he contented himself to watch the two most important people in his life together.

And that's when he saw it. A look the likes of which Luke had _never _seen on Noah's face before. It was something between enchantment, and reverence. Noah was absolutely _transfixed _with the child in his arms. It almost looked to Luke like he couldn't believe such a creature actually existed. As anxious as Luke was to see the baby, he was glad Noah hadn't noted his entrance. He would never have gotten to see his husband's face in this moment otherwise.

Though Noah hadn't heard Luke, he finally sensed his presence, and looked up to meet his gaze. Luke felt his heart squeeze at the intensity of the emotion so plainly visible in Noah's face. He had never seen his husband more open than in this moment. Luke was so entranced that he wasn't even aware he hadn't moved yet, until finally Noah spoke to him softly, "Hey, baby. Come meet our son."

The floodgates opened. By the time Luke made his way to Noah's side, he was sobbing openly, though trying desperately to reign it in. Noah freed an arm to grab some tissues for him, and Luke reached under his mask to wipe the tears while he collected himself.

In the meantime, Noah indicated for Luke to sit in the nearby sofa, under the window. Then Noah stood carefully, and gently placed the child… _their_ child… into Luke's arms, before lowering to sit beside Luke, extending an arm around Luke's shoulders.

Being a Snyder, Luke had seen his share of infants. Yet he was instantly convinced that _this_ was easily the most beautiful child ever born. Expecting baldness, Luke was surprised by the tuft of soft, reddish-blonde curls the child possessed. And the baby's blue eyes positively glowed. While it was probably impossible, he seemed to alternate looking at both Luke and Noah. Almost like the baby comprehended that these were the people who belonged to him.

Luke understood now why Noah had been so mesmerized. He couldn't stop staring at the perfection that was their son, either. _Their _son! Luke knew now what Noah would be to the baby. The feelings that cascaded over him at the miracle of his fondest dreams coming true nearly overwhelmed Luke.

One thing Luke was good at was loving; he'd been doing it his whole life. First his family and friends, then Noah, then Reid. So how was it he hadn't know until this moment how very _big _love could be? Luke had never before experienced the kind of all-encompassing feeling that he knew now while looking at his son. Let alone the whole new love he felt looking at his husband. Somehow, Noah had battled whatever acrimony he still felt about Reid, pushing it aside to allow himself to love the baby unreservedly.

Luke couldn't help wonder why he was so lucky. He didn't know, but one thing Luke had learned was gratitude. Instead of endlessly questioning why he should deserve anything good, he knew now to simply be thankful for what he had, and to treasure it. And that was exactly what he intended to do for the rest of his life.

A short time later, the Oakdale contingent arrived at the room. By now, Heather had met the baby, too, and was dozing soundly in the hospital bed. Across the room, Noah and Luke still sat on the couch. Luke's exhaustion had caught up with him, and he slept curled against Noah, who held him in place with one arm. In his other arm, the baby slept blissfully. An attentive Noah had kept a watchful eye over them all, and smiled at the family in silent greeting as they quietly entered the room.

At the picture before them, Lily looked to Holden, who had already teared up right along with her. When Luke had broken the news that not only had he gotten back with Noah, but that he was expecting _Reid's _baby, they didn't know how Luke and Noah's relationship could survive it. Now, they marveled at the scene before them. Not wanting to wake anyone, Lily and Holden didn't speak, but the message they communicated to each other was evident. _Our boys are happy_, it said clearly. That was all that mattered.


	27. Chapter 27

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Immediately picks up the conversation from the end of Chapter 15. Luke had come to see Noah in L.A. for the first time, informed Noah that he was expecting Reid's baby, and finally, asked Noah how he felt about dating a single father. Sorry for it taking me 12 chapters to return to this scene, but, it comes how it comes. I appear to have little say in the matter.

Thank you ArcadianProud for your review of the previous chapter!

* * *

_September 2011, continued from Chapter 15 _

Noah's mind tried to catch up with the words his ears imagined him to have heard. _How does he feel about dating a single dad? _Is that what Luke said? Was he serious?

Luke smiled tentatively, trying to ease the apparent shock he read in Noah's features. He knew he'd thrown Noah for yet another loop, but hoped ardently that it would be a welcome one. Still, Noah's lack of response (save staring open-mouthed) was making Luke increasingly nervous. Finally, he reached out to take Noah's hand again, and flinched slightly when Noah jerked backwards, just out of reach.

"Wait," Noah started, trying to calm the tornado wreaking havoc in his brain. "It's… what… just… why?"

Luke's heart plummeted in record time. Only moments before, he'd been flying high, feeling Noah's acceptance wash over him. In the course of their conversation, his fledgling hopes couldn't help gain strength as they rose steadily with each passing moment. Even though he had prepared himself for the likelihood that there was no way Noah could take him back now, Luke didn't _feel _prepared for the rejection. Instead, he felt like his heart had just been dropped from a cliff, and smashed back to earth, splintering into a thousand tiny, broken pieces.

Yet, Luke _had _grown up. He recognized that Noah had already given him so much, accepting Luke back into his life in any form, and supporting his decision to bring a child - _Reid's _child - into the world. If Noah didn't want to pursue the connection that Luke, at least, still felt with all his heart, then Luke would accept that. He wouldn't cry or cajole or press Noah for more. After all, _Luke _was the one who'd moved on, and started over with someone new. He had no right to demand anything from Noah, and knew to be grateful for the understanding Noah had already shown him.

"It's ok," Luke finally said, a soft, sad chuckle escaping his lips. "I knew it was a long shot from the start. I just… had to ask."

Looking at him, Noah realized his inability to form coherent words had given Luke the entirely wrong impression. He had been so stupefied to hear the one hope he'd been dreaming of, _praying _for, actually spoken aloud by Luke, that Noah was completely thrown. At first he hadn't dared to hope it had actually happened; that Luke had really said he wanted Noah back.

Then, he couldn't help but wonder why. Luke _seemed _different; more mature and self-assured. Still, what if Noah was wrong? What if Luke was simply scared to be on his own with a baby on the way, and turned to Noah out of habit? And what if…

"Luke, it's not what you think!" Noah implored. "It's not that I don't want us to…"

"Noah, it's all right. I mean it," Luke interrupted. "When you said you'd wait, I didn't even know I'd want to hold you to that. Guess the joke's on me. Surprise!" Luke was trying to make light of his heartbreak, but his attempt at humor sounded bitter even to himself. He felt the prickling in his eyes, signaling imminent tears.

For once, though, Luke willed them to stay put. He was _not _going to cry, and manipulate Noah into feeling sorry for him. Ashamed he'd done so more than once in the past, Luke was determined not to repeat such antics. He wanted to be the kind of man who was worthy of Noah, even though Noah didn't want him anymore. And he _had _to be the kind of man who was worthy of parenting a child. So Luke would assure Noah that they were still friends, no matter what. Then he'd return home, and nurse his agonized heart on his own.

Luke rose to leave, attempting to form some sort of acceptable goodbye-for-now-but-we'll-stay-great-friends speech. As Luke stood, though, Noah's hands shot out, grasping Luke's arms to pull him back onto the couch. Except somehow, the action resulted in Luke being pulled bodily onto Noah's lap. When Luke opened his mouth in question, it was instantly covered by Noah's warm, soft lips.

_Oh my God - Noah is kissing me. Noah is KISSING me! Oh my God oh my God oh my God_. While his mind screamed the mantra over and over, his body responded instantly to the blazing heat and unadulterated desperation in Noah's kiss. As Noah's solid arms secured Luke's body tightly to his own, the ability to form thought of any kind left Luke, and he surrendered completely to the maelstrom.

Later, Luke would wonder that kissing Noah hadn't felt remotely familiar. When he'd wished for their reconciliation, Luke had expected any potential kiss from Noah would feel like coming home. While simply being with Noah had felt like that, being kissed by him was something else entirely. It was, in a word, _frantic_; as if Luke were oxygen, and Noah couldn't seem to get enough of him to keep breathing. Luke didn't know it, but it felt like that to Noah, too.

Finally, Noah seemed to realize the onslaught he'd unleashed onto Luke, and pulled his head back while releasing his hold on Luke. With Luke still perched upon his lap, Noah had to look up to meet his eyes. When he did, what followed shocked them both.

Out of nowhere, Noah began to tremble uncontrollably. As soon as he became aware of it, Noah tried to quell it, but he seemed to have no control over the violent shuddering that took hold of his body. Luke, immediately frightened for him, questioned, "Noah? Noah! What is it?"

"I… don't know," Noah forced the words out. He wanted to answer Luke, but he had no answer to give. No matter how he tried to calm himself, Noah simply couldn't stop shaking. He'd never had an episode like this before, so he didn't have the first idea what was wrong with him, let alone what to do to stop it.

"Noah, breath, baby…" Luke had moved off Noah's lap to sit beside him, pulling him close while stroking his back, trying to calm him. Again, Luke felt tears well up, and again, he battled them back for Noah's sake. No doubt Noah was scared enough; he didn't need Luke's fears thrown into the mix.

That thought prompted Luke to question, "Noah, do you know what just happened? Something freaked you out. Was it because we kissed? Just breathe, Noah… whatever it is, we'll work it out." Luke couldn't help but to realize how much his last words sounded like those Noah had given him earlier.

Noah thought back to moments before, when the shaking began. It started after he'd pulled away from Luke, and looked up into his eyes. At the realization of why he was so terrified, Noah began to cry. More accurately, he began to sob openly, in a wholly unguarded manner Luke had never seen before. Because Noah Mayer almost never cried, let alone like _this_, it took everything in Luke not to show how scared shitless he was. But he WOULD be strong for Noah, dammit.

At least Noah's tremors subsided as his sobs increased. Given the choice, Luke would take the tears, because he'd been three seconds from calling 911 moments before. Now, he simply held his arms tightly around Noah, who leaned into him. Luke rocked him gently, kissed Noah's hair, and let him cry.


	28. Chapter 28

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: August 2011; after Luke's nightmare about Noah, and shortly before Luke travels to LA

* * *

Luke navigated through a small crowd of morning shoppers in Old Town, toting his new purchases in several large bags. He placed his acquisitions on a bench, settling himself down beside them to check his messages. While he had one text regarding a minor detail of the Reid Oliver Memorial neuro wing, there was nothing of consequence otherwise.

"Luke!" Luke looked to his left to left to find Kevin Davis (of all people!) heading straight over to him. As Luke watched incredulously, upon reaching the bench, Kevin extended a hand towards Luke. Working on autopilot, Luke stood, offering his own hand to shake that of his … ex-friend? Past crush? Former rival?

Luke really didn't know how to quantify the guy now. Once upon a time, Luke had trusted Kevin with his biggest secret, and in return, Kevin had effectively spat in his face. Later, Kevin had stood by while his student government campaign manager, Mark, pulled every dirty trick in the book (inventing a few new ones) to humiliate Luke. Finally, Kevin actually stepped up (albeit belatedly) when Ellwood was killed, by helping Luke and Noah to catch his own friend, Mark.

"Hey," Luke said simply as he released Kevin's hand.

"Hey, Luke," Kevin replied. "I saw you over here and, I just wanted to see how things were going. I was really sorry to hear about your boyfriend's accident last year. I know this sounds lame, but I thought about sending a card. I didn't, but, you know, I didn't know if that would do more harm than good."

Luke was amazed to find Kevin seemed sincere. Still, there was little point in prolonging any conversation with him. Luke's response would be polite, but brief.

"It's ok; thanks for the thought, though. I appreciate it. So, how are you?"

Kevin smiled in response. "Actually, I'm pretty great. Well, _I'm _not great; I'm still pretty lame," Kevin laughed, and continued excitedly. "But, life is amazing. I can't complain at all. I just took the bar, and I've got an awesome gig lined up with a local firm. But most of all I've had the greatest thing happen…," Kevin trailed off as his face fell. "Geez, Luke, I'm sorry man. I'm just rambling on and, I guess I'm a little nervous to talk to you. I know, weak, right? I just… how are you? I hope… things are good. You look good!"

Luke didn't know quite what to make of this perplexing version of Kevin. The cockiness he would have expected from the guy seemed to be AWOL. What's more, Luke could tell Kevin genuinely _was_ nervous about talking to him, though for the life of him, Luke couldn't fathom why.

So he replied, "Things are pretty good, actually. The neuro wing is up and running, and it's a huge success. It's everything Reid would have wanted; well, except himself running it, of course." Luke didn't know why he had just shared even that much about Reid with Kevin. Maybe he just liked name-dropping Reid with someone who wouldn't be traumatized by the mention.

"That's awesome, man. Really great!" Kevin's easy smile was back, and again, Luke was struck by the difference in him. The other man seemed more at ease than Luke remembered. And not only with Luke, but with himself.

As Luke prepared to retrieve his bags and escape this odd encounter, a young woman appeared, slipping her arm through Kevin's and anchoring herself at his side. Luke watched with amazement as Kevin's entire face transformed, lighting up at the arrival. Kevin chastely pecked the girl's cheek, a surprisingly sweet action coming from the renowned ladies' man.

"Luke, this is my fiancée, Danielle. Danielle, this is Luke."

As Luke shook the girl's hand, her face registered recognition, though he didn't understand why. He was sure he'd never met the girl before.

"Luke Snyder?"

Luke started at that. While moments before, he'd been planning a quick exit, his curiosity was now peaked. "Yes; how'd you know?"

Danielle smiled warmly. "You were Kevin's best friend in high school! Since I'm gonna marry the guy, I make it my business to know this kinda stuff."

Both Danielle and Kevin laughed, and Luke couldn't help but to join them. He couldn't believe Kevin had told the woman he intended to marry that Luke had been his best friend. Luke wouldn't have thought that was something he'd want to advertise.

Luke was also amused at the hen-pecking nature of Danielle's joke. He never would have pictured Kevin with a girl who was so, well, _not _deferential to him. If anything, it seemed that Kevin was so smitten, he likely deferred to Danielle more often than not. _Will wonders never cease? _

Scrapping his plan to be perfunctory with Kevin, Luke responded to Danielle's friendliness. "Yeah, Kevin and I were quite the threat on the basketball court. The other schools shook in their sneakers when they had to play us!"

Kevin interjected, "Yeah, you shoulda seen this guy shoot hoops. He could make the craziest shots no one else would even dare try. We always knew we could win with Snyder on the floor."

At the compliment, Luke decided he'd entered some kind of Twilight Zone episode. Why was Kevin Davis acting like Luke's friend? Surely, the guy must be trying to impress his fiancée. A past version of Luke (circa the student government election, perhaps) wouldn't have stood for this. That Luke would've blown Kevin's act out of the water, as he let Danielle know in no uncertain terms just what an ass her intended really was.

Luke had changed a lot since then, thank God. Perhaps Kevin had, too. But it didn't matter if Kevin's about-phase was genuine. He seemed happy, and his betrothed certainly was. There would be no justification besides spite to behave badly. Luke would wish them well, and be on his way.

As Luke once again prepared to say his goodbyes, Kevin's mobile beeped. He excused himself apologetically to take the call. This left Luke alone with Danielle, and not knowing what to say, he attempted small talk.

"So, you and Kevin… you make a nice couple. How long have you guys been together?"

"Luke, I know you just met me. But, could I talk to you about something kind of personal?"


	29. Chapter 29

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues immediately from the previous chapter, when Kevin's girlfriend Danielle asks to speak with Luke about a private matter

Thanks to BlueEyes444 for your comments on the last SIX chapters (!), and as always, for reading!

* * *

_August 2011, continued_

Luke was taken aback by the request. What in the world could this girl he'd never met want to speak with _him_ about? Not knowing what else to say, Luke answered, "Sure." He then wondered why he'd agreed, but supposed he was curious, at least.

"I'm not really sure how to say this. Or even if I ought to. But I think you should know… well, maybe I just _need _you to know, because I love Kevin. But he is so, so sorry for the way he treated you."

Once again, Luke was surprised, this time to learn that Kevin had mentioned any of their rocky history to Danielle. Luke tried to be gracious, but knew it sounded hollow as he said, "It's ok, we were kids; that stuff was a long time ago."

"A couple years isn't that long. Especially not to Kevin. I have gotten to know him really, really well Luke. One thing I know is that he'll hate that I talked about this with you." At the slight eye roll Luke couldn't quite contain, Danielle continued, "No, not because he isn't sorry. Because he wouldn't want me or anyone to try to plead his case that he's a changed man."

Luke couldn't help being impressed that Danielle had read his mind exactly about doubting Kevin's remorse. If she was that perceptive, it could be possible she was right about Kevin, too. Luke himself had already noticed a difference in the guy. Still, why should any of it matter to Luke? Did Danielle want him to absolve Kevin of his past offenses?

Luke had to ask, "So, why _are_ you pleading his case?"

Instead of being affronted at the question, Danielle laughingly replied, "Kevin said you always speak your mind! And the answer is, Kevin is a wonderful man. But he's told me everything about his past, so I know that wasn't always the case."

"I doubt he's told you _everything_," Luke responded wryly, then immediately wanted to kick himself. So much for taking the high road.

"Oh, it may be hard to believe, but he has. I wouldn't agree to marry Kevin without knowing who he is, and who he was. I know about all of it, Luke… the homophobia, the election, the dirty campaigning, how he covered for Mark before turning him in… and most of all, how he behaved towards you when he was supposed to be your friend. He's lucky you didn't let him drown! And for that, I'm lucky too," Danielle finished sincerely.

Wow. So Kevin really _had _covered it all. It dawned on Luke that the amazing girl he was talking to probably had a huge hand in the new-and-improved Kevin Davis. No wonder the guy had been nervous speaking to Luke. If he really was reformed, it made sense that Kevin would feel awkward around the person he'd been cruelest to.

Still, Luke would be happy to make his exit soon. It would be rude to leave Danielle by herself, so he planned to wait for Kevin's return, then offer some pretend excuse of a non-existent appointment he was late for. After all, reformed or not, Kevin Davis wasn't Luke's problem. He already had his hands full preparing for a possible baby, not to mention the few minutes he liked to set aside daily to sulk over Noah moving on without him.

Thankfully, before the disquieting conversation about Luke and Kevin's past could continue any further, Kevin returned from taking his phone call. "That was Jared. He's not gonna make Chicago tonight."

"Oh, no! And you guys were really looking forward to the game! What happened?" Danielle then turned from Kevin to Luke in explanation, "They were supposed to be going to the Cubs game tonight."

"Jared's boss called him in for this big meeting someone else was supposed to be covering. The other guy called in sick. There's nothing he can do about it," Kevin said. "It's no big deal; I'll just hang at home with my beautiful fiancée!"

"No, you will not! You know I have to study for my last final. I don't see that happening with you under foot!" Danielle's playful jibe didn't seem to bother Kevin, who only smiled all the more. "You'll just have to get someone else, or go on your own."

The most unreal part of Luke's already surreal day happened then. Kevin looked at Luke as if they'd never been estranged, and posed the question. "Luke, you in? This game is HUGE - it's for the division lead!"

Luke knew immediately he'd decline, but Danielle's response beat his own, "Kevin, do you think that's appropriate, considering?"

For his part, Kevin looked mortified. "God, I'm really sorry, Luke. Just because you're being so cool with me doesn't mean you want to be my friend again. I should think before I open my mouth…"

"No, it's fine. I'll go."

WHAT? What the hell did Luke just say? He didn't want to go to a baseball game with Kevin Davis. He definitely didn't want to spend several hours driving to and from a baseball game with Kevin Davis! What in the world had possessed him to agree?

He supposed it was the awkwardness of the moment when Danielle pointed out Kevin's mistake to him. Even though she meant it kindly, Luke could read Kevin enough to realize he'd felt like a complete tool. Some dormant high-school-best-friend reflex must have kicked in, and Luke hadn't been able to stop himself from wanting to ease Kevin's discomfort. He decided then and there that compassion and loyalty may be highly overrated. All they'd bought him today was a ticket to what would probably be one of the most excruciating evenings in his memory.


	30. Chapter 30

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues immediately from the previous chapter; Luke is regretting his impulsive decision to accompany Kevin to a baseball game in Chicago

Thank you BlueEyes444 for the endless encouragement!

* * *

_August 2011, continued_

Two hours later, Luke was riding shotgun in Kevin's pickup as they headed for Chicago. He was also mentally berating himself for having spoken so hastily, and accepting the invitation. Damn his impulsiveness! Just when Luke thought he had matured enough not to make stupid, rash decisions, he goes and does a dumb thing like this!

At least Kevin had agreed when Luke made the request to listen to a favorite radio station. It had kept them from having to make uncomfortable small talk. Half an hour into the trip, Luke was optimistic that between the music, then the game, the need for conversation would be kept to a bare minimum.

A hope that came to a jarring halt along with the truck they were riding in, when without warning, Kevin suddenly pulled off the road and into a shopping center parking lot. At first, Luke assumed Kevin must've forgotten something for the trip, but as Kevin reached over and turned off the radio, Luke realized the other man had something he needed to get off his chest. The only question was if Luke could stomach hearing it!

"I know you didn't want to come to the game with me," Kevin began. Luke made no attempt to argue. It would be pointless, since they both knew Kevin spoke the truth. Kevin continued, "And I don't blame you at all. I wouldn't want to hang out with me if I was you, either."

"Well, that's big of you, Kevin," Luke let slip before realizing he hadn't been able to check the sarcasm from seeping into his voice. He immediately felt childish, and added, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a jackass; I just don't know what you want from me!"

"If it makes you feel any better, I don't know, either!" At Luke's confused expression, Kevin continued, "What I do know is, it's never sat right with me, how things were left between us. And I know it's my fault." At Luke's failure to respond, Kevin went on, "I guess maybe I do know what I want, but I'm too chicken to ask. I want you to believe that I'm sorry. And it's not like I think I have a right to it, but I want you to forgive me."

"Oh, is that all?" Luke's sarcasm reasserted itself, but this time with an edge of humor Kevin couldn't help detect.

"Are you making fun of me, Snyder?" Luke detected the glimmer of hope in Kevin's question. For whatever reason, it was now apparent to Luke that his forgiveness was important to Kevin. Would he really be so petty as to withhold it?

"Yeah, I am, a little," Luke smiled. This discussion wasn't as hard as he would've imagined. They had both grown up, he and Kevin. Luke had been given his fair share of second chances in life, and he realized that he could hardly begrudge Kevin the same. But he also didn't want to be dishonest. "I wish I could tell you what you want to hear. It took me a long time to get over what happened with us. We were best friends, and you just threw that away when you found out I'm gay!"

It surprised Luke that he still felt that hurt, even all these years later. But hurt it did, and pretending it didn't wasn't an option. The last time Luke had tried to pretend he was completely over it, he ended up rigging the student government election, so consuming was his need to stick it to Kevin Davis.

"It's not that I don't want to forgive you," Luke added. "I do - at least, I do now. Since you actually seem sorry…"

"I _am_ sorry! I should've said that first. I'm messing this all up. I guess it's because, I know how bad I blew it. But I don't know how to fix it," Kevin finished dejectedly.

Luke took in this altered, repentant version of Kevin. Even to his skeptical mind, it was obvious the guy's apology was sincere. But where did that leave them? Luke was surprised to find he actually was serious when he told Kevin he wanted to forgive him. He just wasn't sure that he felt that in his heart, and Luke didn't want to make a promise he didn't feel.

After a few moments, Luke finally spoke. "It's not like you were the only one to make mistakes. There were things I could've done better. Stealing the election from you wasn't my finest hour."

A half-smile appeared on Kevin's face. "I kinda had that coming, though." Then he grew serious, and said, "the things I let Mark do on my behalf - I didn't deserve to win."

"Agreed." They both laughed at Luke's remark. "But neither did I. And whether you deserved it or not, you did win. I had no right to rig the results." Kevin didn't want to appear churlish by agreeing, so he said nothing. But Luke smiled, because while he may have forgotten it, he did know Kevin pretty well - enough to read what he _wasn't _saying. "That's nice of you not to agree out loud," Luke finally stated.

At that, Kevin couldn't contain a chuckle. "Well, it's not like I'm gonna point out your mistakes when I'm trying to get you to forgive me for mine. Strategically, that would just be stupid."

"Ah, so you were just gonna wait 'til later to list my flaws," Luke joked.

"Exactly!" Kevin teased back. Suddenly, they were both laughing, and it felt like high school all over again. _Before_ everything went wrong.

After a few moments, there was once again silence in the truck. But this time, it wasn't awkward; just comfortable. Finally, Luke spoke. "Kevin, all I can tell you is, I think I forgive you - mostly. But I can't say there's not some part of me that isn't there yet. Still, I'm actually glad I came today. I think it's good for both of us, to move past this. And that's the best I can do for now. I hope it's enough."

Kevin listened quietly. At the end of Luke's remarks, he exhaled a breath Luke hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Luke, that's more than I expected, really. I … thank you. I don't know what else to say. Just, thanks." After a pause, Kevin quickly added, "Oh, and one other thing. Do you still want to go to the game?"Luke impishly replied, "No, not exactly." As Kevin prepared to gracefully take the rejection, Luke continued, "I don't _still _want to go, because I never wanted to go in the first place. But, I actually do want to go now. So, you still in?"

Kevin's face lit up in relief, and the friend Luke once knew seemed to have reappeared instantaneously. "HELL yeah! Division lead, baby!"

Luke laughed as Kevin maneuvered the truck out of the lot, and back onto the road. Luke couldn't believe he was now looking forward to this excursion! And in the end, they had a terrific time at the game, the Cubs won, and most amazing of all, Luke had back in his life the one friend he never expected to see again.


	31. Chapter 31

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: This takes place two weeks after the previous chapter, when Luke and Kevin attended the baseball game. And a mere couple of days before Luke goes to L.A. to try and win back Noah.

Thank you to BlueEyes444 for reviewing the previous chapter!

* * *

_September 2011_

"What's your damage, Snyder?"

Luke shook himself from his thoughts; all right, his _sulking_, to answer Kevin. "Nothing. I was just thinking." The snort of disbelief he received in response from across the table at Al's told Luke his answer wasn't being accepted at face value.

"Sure. Thinking, moping, same dif."

The predictable eye roll fired back at Kevin. "I'm sorry I didn't give your compelling tale of riveting contract disputes the undivided attention it's due. Please go on. I wouldn't wanna miss one spine-tingling moment."

Kevin had chosen that unfortunate moment to take a sip of his soda, and Luke's scathing sarcasm was all it took to start him choking on the beverage. This eventually resulted in some of the carbonated liquid making its way out through Kevin's nose, which sent Luke sputtering into his own fit of laughter. As they eventually calmed from the soda-spewing hilarity, Luke knew he'd been caught out.

"I'm sorry, Kevin. I'm glad you're excited about your new job. I'm happy for you. I'm just distracted."

"Distracted, pining, same dif."

"I am NOT pining. Don't be an ass."

Even though Luke was enjoying their renewed friendship, he somewhat regretted the overshare of a few days ago, in which he mentioned that Noah may or may not be waiting for him in L.A. Since then, it struck Luke that Kevin seemed to be holding back an opinion on the matter, which was driving Luke crazy. On the one hand, he wanted to know if Kevin thought Noah might still be waiting, because he wanted a more objective opinion than his own. On the other hand, Luke feared that Kevin's response would be to question Luke's sanity, and point out that most guys wouldn't wait around very long.

"Excuse me. I thought that staring off into space while you're supposed to be listening intently to my adventures in litigation indicated pining. My mistake."

So, they could both do sarcastic. Luke couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face. Nor could he fail to recognize that in two short weeks, Kevin had easily resumed his old role in Luke's life as friend and confidant. Luke suspected it had a lot to do with the fact that Kevin never looked at him with pity.

The rest of his friends and family _still _did sometimes, so that made Luke feel like he had to always paste on a smile and put up a positive front to keep them from worrying. Even Luke's new friend Trevor, who hadn't known Reid or Noah, would sometimes look at Luke as though concerned he might break. Luke chalked this up to Katie having given Trevor just enough details to invite his pity. Luke wasn't depressed, but constantly felt the need to put on a "happy" show to prove it to all and sundry. It was, in a word, exhausting.

With Kevin, Luke could be in a great mood or a dismal one, and either was fine. Kevin never tried to "fix" his bad moods, like everyone else would. They would be well-meaning in their attempts to cheer him, of course, but only Kevin just let him be. It was refreshing, but now Luke wondered if that was about to change. Kevin certainly seemed to have something to say, and Luke wasn't so sure he wanted to hear it. But he suspected he needed to, if he wanted this fledgling rebirth of their friendship to stick.

"All right, just say it."

Kevin actually had the nerve to affect an innocent look, which made Luke want to chuckle all over again. "Say what?"

Now it was Luke's turn to snort. "Whatever you're trying to say that you're not actually saying. You clearly have some opinion you want to share, since you're calling my deeply meaningful reflections 'pining'. So just come out, and say it."

Kevin looked positively wicked as he quipped, "I wasn't really planning to come out today. I don't think I have that much time left on my lunch break."

A rolled up napkin hitting him squarely between the eyes was the immediate reply, followed by Luke's exasperated, "Dumbass!"

Kevin smiled, then paused as his face became more serious. Finally, he spoke, and had the gall to sound aggravated. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Whatever Luke had expected, it wasn't that. "What are you talking about? _You _asked _me _to lunch!"

"That's not what I mean, Luke. Why. Are. You. _Here_?" Kevin drew out each individual word for emphasis. "In Oakdale?"

Increasingly confused, Luke replied dumbly, "Because I was born here. Because I live here. Because everyone I know is here…"

"Not everyone."

Ah. _Shit_. NuKevin was a perceptive little bastard. Luke wasn't sure he liked this new facet of his old friend.

"I told you; he's seeing someone else."

"You told me, you _think _he _might_ be seeing someone else."

"It's almost a year since he asked me to fly out there. And eight months since our fight…"

"Not that you're counting." That earned Kevin a withering glare.

Luke protested further, "I haven't even called him. There's no way he's hanging around waiting for me."

"Just like there's no way you're still hoping to get back with him. Yeah. Got it."

"Kevin, it's not the same! He was ready a year ago. I wasn't. And ever since I have been… well, I can just tell; it's too late. He's moved on!"

Luke decided he didn't want the objective opinion anymore. He just wanted to drop the subject. Kevin didn't seem to be cooperating with this plan, however.

"You just said you haven't even talked to the guy. How do you know if he's moved on? Because he talks about a friend in his letters? What about the part where, you haven't talked to him in eight months and he's still _sending _you letters? How do you explain that?"

Luke didn't have a quick comeback for that one, but finally offered weakly, "I don't know. He probably just feels sorry for me, and obligated to be nice to me. He's a nice guy."

Kevin raised an eyebrow, and replied, "Look, it's not like I knew the guy well. But from what I remember, he didn't seem the type to do stuff just to appease you. Not to bring up the election…"

"DON'T you DARE bring up the election!"

They sat in the booth staring one another down for a few moments, adversaries in this discussion, at least; each weighing his next move. Finally, the absurdity of the standoff sunk in, and both men smiled simultaneously.

"Ok, so, I won't go there. All I meant was, Noah seems like a person who doesn't do things for show. He strikes me as the kind of man who says what he means, and does what he wants. So writing to you out of pity doesn't really gel with my impression of the guy, I guess."

Luke sighed heavily. Damn Kevin. Damn Kevin for being right.

"I never knew you paid any attention to what kind of guy Noah was in the first place."

"Well, he was your boyfriend. Even when I was being an ass, I was glad you weren't dating one. And, you weren't. He's a good guy. I remember he tried to keep _you _out of trouble. A full-time job, if ever there was one," Kevin finished with humor.

"Oh, shut up. It's not like you were a choirboy!" Luke tried to sound exasperated, but he had grudgingly accepted that they were having this conversation. And talking about Noah wasn't as hard as he would've thought. It actually felt nice to let some of his million-and-two thoughts of Noah see the light of day. Luke felt lighter, somehow.

"Touché! And true. Ok, so we've established that we've both had our brat phases in life. And that mine was worse. Even though I didn't French kiss any of my grandparents."

"KEVIN!"

Ok, Luke had _definitely _overshared when they were catching up over dinner the other day. And yes, he was completely sober. What the hell? Falling into his old pattern of telling Kevin almost everything may have backfired.

Still, they were both laughing. At least now, Luke knew exactly what Kevin was up to. He was ribbing Luke to distract him. Soon enough, Kevin would revisit the topic that started their heated debate in the first place. Noah. Luke figured he might as well not put off the inevitable, and spoke quietly.

"I just don't know. What if I call him, and he doesn't ask me to come to L.A.?"

"Then don't call him. Just go."

Luke balked. "I can't just show up on his doorstep! How would I explain that? What if his _boyfriend _is there? What if the door opens and it's obvious they've been making out - or more - and…"

"LUKE! Quit being such a girl. You want him, go get him. "

"You did _not_ just call me a girl." Luke tried to project annoyance, but he knew that Kevin was actively trying to piss him off to light a fire under him. In his own weird way, Kevin was trying to help.

"You know damn well I'm not making some homophobic remark. What I'm saying is, quit talking it to death. Stop sitting around by the phone waiting for the boy you like to call. You're not 15, and you're _not _a girl. This is a stupid conversation. You know what you wanna do. You'll either do it, or you won't."

"Who are you - Dr. Phil?" This enlightened Kevin took some getting used to. Luke knew he was right, but the fear of Noah's rejection was palpable. Luke and Heather's appointment to find out if the in-vitro procedure worked was days away. Whatever the results were, could Luke really just show up in Los Angeles, and tell Noah he wanted him back? The idea was crazy… wasn't it?


	32. Chapter 32

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A few days after the previous chapter, and the evening Luke shows up in L.A.

* * *

_September 2011_

Luke stood stock-still, staring at the door in front of him. He could hear the sounds of jubilant voices coming from the other side. There was no doubt; the party celebrating the triumph of Noah's film was in full swing.

Noah's film. Only yesterday, Luke had walked in on his recently reconciled parents and his grandma sitting around Emma's table, discussing what Noah had written about the project in his latest correspondence. At the sight of Luke, however, they'd abruptly fallen silent.

Of course, this alerted Luke to the fact that whatever they were talking about, they didn't want Luke to hear it. Which predictably made Luke all the more curious as to the topic of conversation. Holden tried to quickly tuck the letter away out of sight, but Luke spotted the action, and knew immediately that whatever they were talking about, it had to do with Noah. Nobody else they knew sent letters via snail mail in the 21st century.

"What is it? Is Noah all right? What's going on?" Luke tried to remain calm, but his mind had instantly jumped to various doomsday scenarios involving the man he still loved. Did something go wrong on Noah's film? Had Noah been mugged in L.A.? Oh God, had Noah had a relapse with his eyesight?

As his parents and grandma looked at one another, trying to decide how much to reveal, Luke couldn't stand the delay a moment longer. "You _have_ to tell me! I LOVE HIM!"

This outburst prompted astonished looks around the table, which melted into smiles from all concerned. Both Emma and Lily positively beamed, and Luke was amazed to see Holden's eyes wet with tears. He'd always known they loved Noah, but until that moment, hadn't realized how deeply each of them had been wishing for a reconciliation.

It suddenly dawned on Luke that these people who meant the world to him had effectively held their tongues for an entire year. Only days ago, Luke had felt resentment when he thought of the front he'd felt obligated to put up in their presence. Suddenly, he was incredibly ashamed of himself. The entire time, his family had clearly wanted him to get back with Noah, and yet, had never said a word. They'd never tried to pressure him to contact Noah, or to do anything at all he wasn't ready for.

With this thought, Luke took in the emotional trio sitting around the table, and one by one, walked up and embraced each, whispering a simple "I love you" within every hug. Then, he seated himself down beside them, and asked calmly, "Please, tell me what's going on with Noah." He knew that whatever it was, it couldn't be bad if his family was smiling. They loved Noah as much as Luke (maybe more some days, Luke used to joke).

The three looked at one another once again, and somehow non-verbally decided that Holden would share the news.

"Noah's film is premiering tomorrow," Luke's father began.

"What? That's fantastic! Why all the secrecy? And why didn't he mention it in my letter?" With that last thought, Luke's spirits began to fall.

Noticing this, Holden added quickly, "It's not that he doesn't want you to know, Luke. It's that… well, he wasn't sure how it would affect you."

Luke didn't understand what Holden meant by that, and said as much.

"Luke, Noah was concerned that the subject matter might be difficult for you."

"What? Why? I read the script, remember? Why would Noah think that would bother me?"

Holden took a breath. "Because, he didn't use that script. Noah got permission to change the project he was using the grant for. He made a documentary instead."

Luke tried to process this information. Admittedly, it was a surprise that Noah had dropped his original idea, but he must have just had a better one. Luke was proud that Noah was able to convince the grant committee to back his new vision, which was…

"What is it about?" _And why can't I know about it?_

Holden looked at Lily, who picked up the gauntlet. "It's about organ donation, Luke."

Luke could not have been more shocked if Lily had said Noah's film was a tribute to the life and times of Lady Gaga. Organ donation? _Oh my God. Oh my God. _What did this mean? Did Noah do this for Luke? No, that couldn't be right. He didn't even want Luke to know about it.

Luke realized he hadn't replied, except with an incredulous gaping open mouth, when Lily continued, "He didn't know if you'd be ready to see it. Noah didn't want to pressure you or, in his words, to rip open wounds that are still healing."

"But why did he make a movie about… _that_? I don't understand why he did it if he doesn't even want me to know!"

Emma interjected, "Luke, he didn't tell us a lot about why. Noah just said that he needed to do this. And that, after everything that happened, he felt different; changed. He wrote that he needed to make movies that mattered. And that's all we know."

Luke thanked his family for their honesty, and didn't have to fake a smile as he told his parents he'd see them at home, and wished Emma a goodnight. His mind was spinning with what this new information could mean for he and Noah, but there was one thing he was sure of. It meant _something_.

The next morning, Luke took Heather to the doctor's appointment, where they learned that the in-vitro procedure had taken, and she was several weeks along with Reid's child. _Luke's child_. Luke was going to be a father, and the joy he experienced at this news confirmed in his heart that he had made the right decision.

After driving Heather home, and thanking her profusely, Luke continued on to the Oakdale airport. Lucinda's jet stood ready to transport him to L.A. While he had already all but made the decision to show up in California (following his lunchtime chat with Kevin a few days ago), the information he'd learned about Noah's film had jumpstarted that plan, from a date undetermined, to _now_. Luke was going to be there in time to see Noah's film debut, come hell or high water.

Only Lucinda knew of his plans, a necessity both in procuring the plane, and a last-minute ticket to Noah's premiere. She had been sworn to secrecy, and was happy to comply in her excitement to see the boys reunited. An excitement which just reinforced to Luke how much his entire family loved Noah, and that it wasn't only Luke who had suffered in the other man's absence.

They _all _missed Noah terribly, and Luke couldn't help but hope Noah missed them just as much. Maybe it would make Noah more receptive to a reconciliation, realizing he'd get the whole Snyder clan (and Lucinda!) in the deal. At that thought, Luke had giggled, realizing he wasn't above shamelessly using his family as bait to lure Noah back to him. He would feel bad, except that he knew two things: his family wouldn't mind a bit, and Noah would see right through him should he attempt such a tactic.

So Luke landed in Los Angeles, and made his way to Noah's screening. It wasn't as crazy Hollywood as a major studio release, but Luke recognized various film celebrities in attendance. Luke was amused to spot the one and only Jude Law, who Noah had claimed to have met during his student film project trip with the lecherous Mason.

At the time, Luke half-suspected that Noah hadn't met the real Jude Law. Black-and-white-movie-loving Noah had likely never seen a Jude Law film, and Mason had probably just convinced the trusting Noah that's who he'd met. It would seem that Noah had been right, however, if Mr. Law's attendance was any indication of their prior association. There were other less-famous but recognizable faces to be seen, as well.

Luke did his best to mill about outside the theater until the start time of the film, and he'd managed to avoid seeing Noah (and therefore, Noah seeing him). Luke slipped into the darkening theater and the first unoccupied seat he could locate, which was quite possibly the only seat remaining, based on the crowd that he'd witnessed going inside. As the opening credits began, Luke had to restrain the urge to whoop loudly upon seeing Noah's name on the big screen several times, including under "Written By", "Produced By", and finally, "Directed By". That last one made Luke's heart swell the most. Noah's lifelong dream had been to become a director, and now he _was_ one.

As the real-life tales onscreen began to unfold, however, Luke was so engrossed in what he was seeing, for awhile he forgot it was _Noah's_ film he was watching. The stories he was witnessing were absolutely _heartwrenching_, and only when he almost began to sob did he remember that this was the project that Noah had poured his all into over the last year. He realized now why Noah was concerned the film might be too much for Luke, and remembering his protective nature just made Luke love Noah all the more.

That, and the film that he'd made. Luke was gobsmacked. He always knew Noah was talented; it never even in question. But that Noah had made _this _film, and that it was so incredible, stunned even Luke.

He still didn't know why Noah had done it, but Luke knew that considering everything that had happened, it must have been an incredibly difficult thing for him to do. And yet Noah had flown across the country, set down roots in a place where he knew nobody, and threw himself heart and soul into this project. Luke could imagine all the Reid issues the subject matter must have brought up, but Noah had somehow dealt with them, even with no one who loved him there to support him.

Luke wished fervently he'd gotten his head together sooner, and joined Noah in L.A. months ago to just be there for him. Immediately, though, Luke realized that he had needed the time to get to know himself again. He would've been no good to Noah without that. He just hoped he hadn't waited too long.

And now, he stood staring at the door of Noah's apartment, having made no move to knock. Luke was startled out of his reverie when the door suddenly opened of its own accord, and a young woman appeared. He was trying to think of something to say, but luckily, she spoke first.

"Oh, a late arrival! Well come on in. Mr. Big-Shot Director's about to give his speech! You won't want to miss this; he's not exactly known for his love of public speaking! This is probably a once-a-millennium kinda thing!"

The woman laughed good-humoredly as she waved Luke inside. He was heartened by the teasing warmth with which she spoke of Noah. Of course people would love Noah, no matter where he was. He was just so kind and caring and _good_; it was why Luke had fallen so hard for him in the first place.

As Luke entered the apartment, he took in his surroundings. Though he tried, he didn't spot Noah immediately through the crowd. Luke's mind couldn't help but to imagine himself living in this place, back with Noah. At that thought, Luke scanned the room for signs of anyone who could be the hideous man-snatching pariah called Ben. It was at that moment Luke's attention was drawn by the clink of spoon hitting glass from across the room.

_Noah_. There he stood, preparing to toast those assembled in his home. Luke couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath he needed to gulp in at the sight of the other man. Noah looked _incredible_. His previously pale skin was positively bronzed from his time in L.A. His dark hair was longer, and made Luke itch to run his fingers through it. And Noah's suddenly built body… _My God_, thought Luke.

However superficial a thought it was, it was also unavoidable. _He is waaaayyyy out of my league_. Luke had always been amazed that someone as gorgeous as Noah was interested in _him_, but _this _Noah - wow. Luke had half a mind to turn and flee, but fortunately Noah began his speech. And as he spoke, nothing on Earth could have moved Luke from the spot.


	33. Chapter 33

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Immediately continues from Chapter 27, when Luke helped Noah through some sort of panic attack, after Luke told Noah that he wanted him back. As a refresher, the previous L.A. reunion chapters were 9-15, and 27.

Dedicating this to chrissty34, because reading all previous 32 chapters deserves some major recognition! Thank you Chrissty!

* * *

_September 2011_

"Are you ok?" Luke had been holding Noah close for the last ten minutes, murmuring words of comfort to him. He was more than willing to hold Noah forever, if that's what it took, but Luke also needed to know that Noah was all right.

"Yeah," came the quiet response.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

A small sigh escaped Noah. "I can try."

"That's all I'm asking, Noah. Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." Luke emphasized the point squeezing Noah in his embrace more tightly.

Noah hesitated, almost embarrassed to look Luke in the eye again. But with a deep breath, he finally pulled himself from Luke's arms and met his gaze. In turn, Luke laced Noah's fingers with his own, wanting Noah to physically feel his support.

"When you said what you did, and we kissed. And I looked at you, Luke; it was like…," Noah paused, struggling to find the words. "Everything since we broke up crashed down on me. All of it just, like, hit me. And… I said I would wait."

Luke squeezed Noah's hand, not exactly sure where this was going. Had Noah waited, and kissed Luke just now, only to find he didn't want him anymore?

Luke's thought was interrupted as Noah went on, "The more I waited, the less I thought it was ever gonna happen. I thought since you hadn't come by now, you weren't going to. Ever. I was so damn scared that… I'd lost you for good," Noah's voice broke slightly on his last words, and he paused to gather himself before continuing.

"After we kissed, it just hit me so hard that I damn near pushed you away forever. But then you looked at me like… you _love _me. And I'm scared out my mind to even hope it and be wrong, but Luke… do you love me again?"

Luke felt an overwhelming sense of relief in the hopeful tone he heard in Noah's voice, and didn't hesitate to answer. "No, Noah. I don't love you again." Noah tensed, dread rushing into his heart, but Luke quickly continued, "I love you _still_. I have _always_ loved you, Noah Mayer."

Noah wanted to believe Luke's words, to cling to them, but doubt was fighting for a foothold in his mind. "But you loved _him_, Luke. Not me. You told me. You said we weren't right for each other…," Noah trailed off, not wanting to review that particular memory any further.

"We weren't right for each other for awhile, Noah," Luke answered. "God, we had so much thrown at us from the start. And we were just kids - sometimes I'm amazed we even held on as long as we did. After three years and so many roadblocks, and finally the accident - Noah, it broke us. I didn't want it to, and for the longest time I wouldn't accept that it happened, but it did."

"I know. You were still fighting for us when I wasn't," Noah replied solemnly. "I wish to God I would've handled things better; I wish I would have fought…"

"Noah, you were _blind_. Every day was a fight for you. I wish _I _would have understood better. I tried to so hard to. I've thought about it a lot since then, and wondered what it must have been like for you. You must have felt so powerless."

"That's exactly how I felt. But the way I reacted to it was completely messed up. There was so much I had no say in, I tried to control everything I could. Including you. If I let you get close, or sent you away. Sometimes I couldn't stand the thought of depending on you. I wanted to be your boyfriend, not your burden."

Luke nodded. "I know; I know that now. You needed space, and I needed you. It just couldn't work. We couldn't get on the same page, so we couldn't be together. But it wasn't just you, Noah. You weren't the only one to push the other one away."

Luke held up a hand to halt the protest he could see forming on Noah's lips, and continued, "for a long time I pretended you were. I told myself that everything would've been fine if only you never pulled away from me, but that isn't fair. Because I did it to you, too, Noah; more than once. I pushed you away when you wouldn't lie for me about the election. And when we thought my dad died; I even told you not to come to the funeral. And when I was paralyzed and you wanted to help me, I tried to push you away."

Luke couldn't help the chuckle that arose with his next thought. "You just wouldn't go! You showed me you could be as stubborn as me. Still, after we broke up, I put all the blame on you for not fighting for us. I never wanted to admit that sometimes, it was _me _that didn't fight. That it was me that wanted you to be there when I needed you, and to back off when _I _wanted space."

"But I understood…"

"I know you did. I wish I would have done the same for you," Luke said softly.

"You did for a long time, Luke. I just made you wait too long. That wasn't fair to you. I shouldn't have tried to cope with everything myself. You kept telling me we needed to deal with problems as a team, but when _I _was the problem, I thought I had to fix myself; to make myself whole so I could be someone who deserved you."

Luke smiled sadly. "Noah, you _were _whole. Maybe you didn't feel like it, but blind or not, you were already all the man I needed. I just wanted you to lean on me, the way you let me do with you. And when you wouldn't, it broke my heart."

Noah's own heart broke at Luke's words, though he'd already figured out what he'd put Luke through.

"And I did move on. I really thought that because I fell in love again, I couldn't still be in love with you. But Noah, I was wrong." Now Luke was smiling through watery eyes. "Even though we were apart, even though I was with someone else, I still thought about you. I still worried about you. And I told myself it was only natural that I'd still care, but that wasn't all it was."

Luke was reluctant to bring up Reid again, but he needed to make Noah understand. "After Reid died, and you found me at the pond… I told you things. Things about Reid and I."

"I remember," Noah said simply, understanding Luke was going somewhere with this.

"I told you Reid and I never made love. I made it sound like it was because we thought there was time. And that was part of it. But there was something else in the way. You."


	34. Chapter 34

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Immediately continues from previous chapter at Noah's apartment in L.A.; Luke just told Noah that he never stopped loving him, and that part of the reason he'd never made love to Reid was Noah.

* * *

_September 2011, continued_

Noah didn't really know how to reply. He felt selfishly celebratory and oddly guilty all at the same time. The war of emotions must have played across his face, because Luke couldn't contain a soft laugh.

"Don't be too smug! I'm not saying it wouldn't have happened, because it _totally_…"

Noah quickly injected, "Ok! I get it; I'd just rather not hear it out loud, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I've been kinda stewing in the jealousy pot myself, just so _you _know."

"What? Why?" Noah was completely lost. He'd never been anywhere close to moving on from Luke.

"_Why_? Why do you think? 'Ben is amazing; I'm so glad he's on the project.' 'Ben said the funniest thing.' 'You'll never guess what Ben did!'…"

"You're quoting my letters back to me?" A look of amazement descended upon Noah's face. "Wait, you _memorized _what I wrote about Ben?"

Luke felt a little silly, but since they were putting it all out there, he might as well come out with this, too. "Well I didn't do it on purpose! It's just that I read your letters… maybe more than once. And you kept talking about this 'Ben' guy and what was I supposed to think?"

Noah, who only minutes ago had been breaking down in Luke's arms, was now positively glowing, his smile possibly the biggest Luke had _ever_ seen it. While Luke was happy about that, he wasn't as thrilled that Noah, while silent, seemed to be amused by Luke's Ben issues. "What? Noah, just say it."

Noah chose his words carefully, sensing this was a sore subject for Luke. "All right. He probably is the best friend I have out there, but I didn't write that much about Ben."

Luke immediately protested. "What? Of course you did! I _have_ the letters, Noah!"

Noah just continued smiling. "Then we'll read them together sometime. But, I don't think I wrote more about Ben than anyone else on the film. I think," Noah added cautiously, "that maybe you just read those parts the most."

Luke let Noah's claim sink in, and realization dawned. _Shit_. He was almost certain, Noah was right. Luke had been _obsessing_ over the Ben references in Noah's letter. All it had taken was the mention that Ben was gay, and Luke had immediately pegged the guy a threat, and read and re-read every line Noah had written about the other man.

Luke was tempted to wallow in his own idiocy until Noah spoke again. "So, you were jealous. Because, you love me." Although it was a statement, Luke heard the need for reassurance along with the burgeoning hope in Noah's voice.

"Yes Noah. I am so _in love _with you."

The joy on Noah's face showed that he'd finally let go, and accepted Luke's words without reservation. When next he spoke, Noah's tone was teasing. "You loooooooovee me," he said, giving Luke the adorable crooked grin he'd missed so much. Luke couldn't help but to smile back, as he man gave the other's hands an affectionate squeeze.

Without warning, though, Noah released Luke's hands, and sprinted towards his apartment's balcony, throwing the sliding door open. _What in the world? _Luke didn't know what to think, until he (and probably the entire block) heard Noah's shouts. "Attention Los Angeles! My name is Noah Mayer, and I just want you to know that Luke Snyder loves me! I repeat, Luke Snyder…"

His impromptu declaration was interrupted when Luke threw himself around Noah, and dragged him bodily back into the apartment, all while shaking with laughter. "Noah, what the hell? _What_ are you _doing_?"

Noah just turned around and wrapped Luke into his arms, replying, "What does it look like? I'm sharing the good news! I thought everyone should know!"

Luke loved being back in Noah's arms, but couldn't help to look up at him with astonishment. "It's just… you never…"

"I know. I was never much for PDAs, let alone shouting about the love of my life from my balcony."

"Well, Romeo, I guess I'll go easy on you. It's been kind of a big night."

Noah shook his head. "It's not just that. I've had a lot of time… _a lot_ of time… to think. And on the off chance you'd ever want me back, I made a list." Luke was intrigued as Noah went on.

"A list of all my stupid hangups, and all the mistakes I made that I'm gonna try like hell never to make again. The first being, I will never, _never _be afraid to show my love for you."

Now it was Luke's turn to cry, and since it was from happiness, he didn't feel the need to keep the tears in check anymore. As Noah drew him tighter to himself, Luke's eyes met his as Luke whispered, "We have to get it right this time. We _have _to. I just can't ever lose you again, Noah. I _can't_."

Noah nodded in agreement. "You won't. I swear it. I'm not kidding about my list. We'll hang it on the fridge and if I start to be a dumbass, sit me down at the table and make me read it." Luke smiled and interjected, "Do that for me, too. I'm sure I'll have some dumbass moves of my own to add to it."

Noah's answering smile soon faded into a serious expression. "We're gonna do it this time, Luke. We'll take it slow, and get to know each other again; learn who we are now."

Noah's words washed over Luke. It was exactly what he wanted to hear, but he needed to be certain Noah really realized what this would mean. "Noah, are you sure? Because right now it's just me, but in eight months or so, there'll be someone else, too. And I've had plenty of time to make this choice for myself, but you didn't sign on to have a boyfriend with a baby, let alone…," Luke didn't finish pointing out the obvious; _whose_ baby.

Noah merely smiled again, and answered, "I just had some kinda nervous breakdown because I realized how close I came to losing you forever. I get that this is gonna be different than the life I imagined for us, but I said I'd be there for you, and I meant it. Not because I have to; because I _want_ to. Because there isn't anywhere else I want to be but by your side."

An impish expression then descended upon Noah's face as he added, "Besides, with me around, at least the kid will have a fighting chance of developing a decent taste in movies."

This last statement was met with a light punch to Noah's gut, just enough to get Luke's message across. "Not so fast, mister. If we leave it up to you, the child won't even know they make movies in color!" As they shared the joke, Noah led Luke back over to the couch, where they sat again and held one another.

After a few minutes of silence, of just basking in the reality of being together again, Noah broke the quiet with a fervent pledge. "Luke, I promise you. I'll never push you away again, and I'll never leave you." In response, Luke remembered some words that had meant so much to them once upon a time. He looked up at Noah, and with every bit of emotion he felt, replied simply, "Same here."


	35. Chapter 35

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues the morning after the previous chapter, when Luke finally reunited with Noah in L.A.

Thank you BlueEyes444 for the review of the last chapter!

* * *

_September 2011 _

Early in the morning after their reunion, Luke received a perplexed phone call from his mother. Lily was both mystified and worried when she realized Luke had never come home the night before. "Where _are _you?" was the anxious question that greeted Luke when he'd quickly scrambled to answer his ringtone.

"Mom," Luke responded groggily. He looked over at the man whose warm embrace he'd had to extract himself from to grab the mobile. Noah was waking now as well, having heard the ring before Luke had been able to disable it. Upon meeting eyes with Luke and remembering that he was here, _finally_, Noah's lopsided smile appeared, and Luke's heart clenched at the sight.

Luke's grin answered Noah's as he simultaneously replied to Lily, "I'm in L.A., Mom." As his suddenly excited mother began to pepper Luke with questions (_What's happening? Have you seen Noah? Are you two…_), he sported a mischievous look and passed off the phone. Lily's stream of inquiries was halted with Noah's simple, "Hi, Lily."

"Noah!" Lily's joy was so effusive, it sounded like she hadn't spoken with Noah in months, let alone the day before yesterday. "How are you? Is everything… ok?"

As he regarded Luke in his bed, Noah's answer was easy enough. "Yes. Everything's great." Luke warmed at Noah's words, and at the fact his boyfriend was better at vaguely satisfying Lily's questions without revealing much. He listened as Noah replied to Lily with a series of short answers. "Thank you." "It's ok." "I'll tell him." "Say hi to everyone for me." "I hope to see them soon." "Ok." "Love you too." "Bye."

After disconnecting the call, he placed Luke's phone atop the nightstand on Noah's side of the bed. _My side of the bed! _While they hadn't made love last night per their mutual decision to take things slowly, Noah was just elated to _have _a side of the bed. Still, it was decidedly too spacious at the moment. He clinched Luke back to himself, nuzzling his face into the crook of Luke's neck, simply _inhaling _the scent he'd missed along with everything else about this man.

"Sorry for passing the buck to you," Luke said in regards to Lily's call.

"No you aren't," Noah immediately returned.

Luke chuckled. "You're right; I'm not. You got her off the phone in 30 seconds. She would've interrogated me for the next half hour!"

"In that case, _I'm _not sorry, either," Noah joked as he tightened his hold of Luke.

It was just after six a.m. West Coast time on a Saturday morning. Noah reasoned there was no need to do anything but remain wrapped up in his boyfriend for the rest of the day. Noah gently tilted Luke's head up so their eyes locked, and pushed back the long strands of dirty blonde that had fallen to obscure Luke's gaze. Noah couldn't seem to stop there, and repeatedly stroked Luke's face, partly because it felt damn good, and partly to tactilely assure himself this was all real.

In response, Luke's eyes fell closed, as he soaked in the joy of experiencing Noah's touch once again. His thoughts marveled that he had ever gone without it for so long. Luke vowed silently to himself that he never would again. They remained in bed the rest of the morning, clutching one another in a physical manifestation of a shared thought: _mine_.

* * *

A few weeks later, an exhausted Noah made his way back to his apartment after a long day of promotion for _From the Heart_. As much as he loved making the film, promoting it was another thing altogether. While he was proud of his work, pressing the flesh and making small talk with celebrity types wasn't exactly Noah's forte.

As unbelievable as it was to Noah, his film was already garnering Oscar buzz around town. While Noah hadn't made it for that reason, _From the Heart_ turned out to have just the right mix of tear-jerking drama and social commentary to become a darling of the Tinseltown set. Consequently, it was frustrating for him not knowing whether those he was talking to were really interested in the subject matter, or just in being photographed schmoozing with Hollywood's newest "It" boy in documentary filmmaking.

Still, there was a promotional tour Noah _was _enjoying. The idea, not surprisingly, had been Luke's. He'd realized that while Noah was proud to talk about his work, it was difficult for him to discuss what the film meant to him with people whose motives weren't always straightforward.

So Luke had suggested getting out of L.A., and going on the road to promote the movie. Noah would visit various cities, and appear at the first showing of the film in each town. These screenings were special, because the audiences consisted of doctors, nurses, organ recipients, and organ donors and their families.

Therefore, Noah never had to wonder about hidden agendas with these audiences. They were there because they _cared _about the issue, and that meant everything to him. As did Luke's suggesting it in the first place, showing that he still knew Noah better than anyone, and knew exactly what would make him happy and fulfilled.

Luckily, the film's distributor had loved the idea, thinking it a public relations home run. So much so, they even agreed to Noah's suggestion of donating a portion of the proceeds from these screenings to causes promoting organ donation awareness. Better still, since these showings were always on Friday nights and weekends, they didn't conflict with Heather's doctor's appointments, and when Noah asked Luke to accompany him, Luke accepted.

While life for Noah on the whole was _phenomenal_, this particular day had been draining. Culminating in a ridiculous interview with a plastic and silicone fashion doll with the Stargaze network, known more for its trashy reality shows about promiscuous teens than for its concern about important issues affecting humankind. Stargaze had decided to mount a "Yes We Care" campaign this week in order to better its image, and his distributor determined putting the eye-catching Noah on the network to discuss the film would help incite interest within the valued 18-34 demographic.

The only problem was, Candy Cody didn't exactly know her stuff. Ted Koppel, she wasn't. The interview had to be stopped briefly when Candy had asked Noah, in all doe-eyed earnestness, whether people should donate their organs to Goodwill, or somewhere else. A network executive immediately yelled "CUT!", while a stunned Noah sat open-mouthed. The exasperated exec then addressed his 'reporter', explaining that was an _idiotic_ question, and that Ms. Cody needed to stick to the pre-set questions and not try to _think_, as it wasn't her strength.

Predictably, this prompted a chivalrous Noah to intercede. "That's enough!" Arguing with a network honcho was probably not the best tactic for film promotion, but Noah couldn't stand by and say nothing. He put a hand on the executive's shoulder to turn his attention from Ms. Cody, and to try and get the man to see reason. "Maybe you guys should've prepped her on organ donation instead of just feeding her questions."

The interviewer regarded Noah with gratitude and amazement. She had clearly never seen anyone take issue with her boss's behavior. Nor had her boss, who looked up at Noah with anger, ready to unleash a heated reply (something about how Noah would _never_ work in this town again, no doubt).

That is, until the man actually _looked_ at Noah, meeting his eyes. To Noah's surprise, the man's anger dissipated, and he actually smiled at Noah. Like _that_. Uh-oh. Not knowing what else to do, Noah smiled back. Then he mentally kicked himself, realizing he also still had his hand on the guy's shoulder, and that he could be misinterpreted as returning the older man's obvious interest. Trying to cover any discomfort, he let go of the exec's shoulder, and offered a handshake, which was happily accepted.

The interview then continued, and concluded without further incident. The exec, who introduced himself as Brian, chatted Noah up afterwards. Noah internally quashed a laugh at the irony of an older man named Brian coming on to _him_. He wondered with amusement what Luke's reaction would be.

Once Noah had chatted long enough to sufficiently smooth any ruffled network exec feathers (making a point to mention his boyfriend Luke several times within the conversation), Noah parted amicably with Brian, having received an invite for both himself and Luke to a glitzy Hollywood party. Something Noah would probably hate, and Luke would probably encourage him to attend, for the sake of getting his name out there and promoting the film. Noah knew he'd at least enjoy walking in with Luke by his side.

Since their reunion, one thing Noah loved best was going anywhere with Luke, hand-in-hand, just blatantly boasting to the world that yes, this incredible man was _his_. Realizing it was kind of obnoxious, he'd admitted this weakness to Luke, but Luke just laughed. Furthermore, the next time they'd gone out together, Luke had practically wrapped himself around Noah at every turn. It was Luke's way of silently answering to the world, "And yes, _this_ incredible man is _mine_!"

Now, a tired Noah was glad to be home. He even had time for a short nap before it was time to pick up Luke for their date. Noah knew an hour would do the trick, leaving him refreshed and alert for their dinner tonight. He couldn't wait to crawl into bed.

That sentiment was still true, but in an entirely different way, after Noah opened the door to his apartment to find a smiling, gorgeous, and very _naked_ Luke lounging on his sofa.


	36. Chapter 36

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: A brief flashback to 2009; then we pick up exactly where the last chapter left off. Which would be, when Noah comes home to his apartment in L.A. to find a naked Luke on his sofa. So, yeah.

Thank you GypsyGrl77 for your awesome encouragement!

* * *

_November 2009_

Trying to finish up his student film project, Noah had managed to get enough accomplished by Saturday evening to put him ahead of his goal for the day. He'd been tempted to press on, wanting to make further progress still. But his thoughts had predictably gone to Luke.

Noah's boyfriend had experienced a tough few months, not the least of which involved his dad supposedly dying, only to walk in on his mom's remarriage to his birth father. Add to that most of Noah's time being sucked up by his student film project, spent under the guidance of the amorous Mason, who had finally admitted his very personal interest in Noah. While Noah would never return Mason's feelings, he knew it wasn't easy for Luke to see Noah spend every day with the guy, even for school purposes.

So he made the decision to surprise Luke. Noah called his boyfriend, who was at Lily's house, trying to help the family cope with its never-ending drama. Noah pretended he'd forgotten script notes at home that he needed for the shoot, and asked Luke if he would go by his place to pick them up. Luke readily agreed, glad for the excuse to visit Noah on set.

But when Luke arrived at Noah's, it wasn't script notes he found. It was Noah. Sitting in his living room. In his boxers, and nothing else. Luke briefly wondered if he'd fallen ill, but it didn't make sense that an ailing Noah would've gotten home and… undressed in such a short time.

When Luke stopped gaping at Noah's bare chest long enough to look him in the eye, he understood. Noah was an adorable shade of red, but also sported a determined look. He slowly rose to a standing position, and even more slowly, stalked over to Luke. The anticipation of Noah's arrival made Luke's heart nearly beat out of his chest.

What followed when the two bodies finally met was breathtaking, soul-connecting, and almost painfully beautiful. It was a visceral reaffirmation of their love despite the difficult times they faced. And part of the reason why Noah would be so utterly crushed when he found out about Luke going behind his back to Damien with the incriminating DVD.

Later, he'd realize that Luke was trying to protect him, and future students like him, too. But at the time it only felt like regardless of everything they'd been through together, Luke didn't trust Noah. He'd never given Luke reason to think he would cheat on him. They were supposed to be a team, and Luke's behavior felt like a betrayal of their partnership. The devastation Noah felt manifested itself into anger, as usual, and led to the argument and accident that had broken them.

* * *

_September 2011, continued immediately from previous chapter_

Drinking in the sight of Luke sprawled across his couch, Noah at least _assumed_ he was nude. Luke was fastidiously holding a pillow in his lap, but why would he need to do that unless…

"Close the door, Noah."

_Door? What the hell is a door? _It slowly dawned on Noah that Luke was instructing him to shut the front door, which Noah had failed to do upon taking in the vision that greeted his arrival. He reached behind himself to push at the door, never taking his eyes off Luke's form languidly draped across his sofa.

Being a military brat, somehow the term "shock and awe" popped into Noah's brain. An apt description for the effect Luke's display was having on Noah's equilibrium. Which was pretty much shot.

The instant tightening of his pants indicated the effect Luke was having on something else, too. Which only intensified when the door closed, and Luke blithely tossed the pillow over his shoulder, revealing all. Noah stood rooted to the spot, momentarily too shocked to move, or even breathe.

"Baby, I think keeping your gorgeous mouth open just like that's a great idea, but it'll go to better use if you come over here."

A quip that corny shouldn't have been sexy, but in the breathy tone Luke only used when he was very, very turned on, Noah sure as hell wasn't laughing. He actually heard the clink of his apartment keys hitting the floor before he even realized he'd dropped them. It was like Noah couldn't feel his fingers anymore. In fact, all of his extremities seemed suddenly non-functional, save one. One that was quite insistent upon functioning _soon_.

Annoyingly, Noah's brain seemed to kickstart itself at that moment. While he would rather have just ignored it, their resumed relationship meant too much to him to risk sabotaging it, in what would doubtlessly be a very enjoyable fashion. Though Noah's tongue felt heavy and foreign in his own mouth, and speech didn't come as easily as it should, he managed to force out, "But, I thought we were taking things slowly?"

Luke feigned careful consideration of the point, before replying coyly, "That's true. Maybe you can help me with something I've been wondering about. When was the last time we made lo-"

"Saturday November seventh two-thousand nine." Noah's tongue had miraculously recovered, and he shot the answer out before Luke even finished the question, adding "at 7:30. And 8:30. And quarter to ten" for good measure.

At Noah's precise "quarter to ten", Luke's seductive persona broke slightly, pushing him into a spontaneous chuckle. "So, it's not like you're counting, or anything."

Noah paused. "I remember because it was special. Even before we knew it would be the last…," Noah trailed off, a note of sadness tingeing his voice.

"I remember, too," Luke whispered softly.

It finally dawned on Noah. Luke was recreating their last day of intimacy, except that…

"I was wearing boxers, if you recall."

"Oh, I recall perfectly. In _vivid_ detail. But you know me. I'm competitive."

Noah smirked at that. It was true. If Noah had been waiting stark naked on that day so long ago, God knows what Luke would have pulled to outdo him now. Perhaps he'd be wearing strategically-placed tassels. Or nipple rings. Or tassels _on _nipple rings. Noah's mind raced at the possibilities. What were they talking about again?

"Luke, about taking it slow-"

"Noah, what month is it?" Luke interrupted.

"September. Well almost October. But, September." Noah's still poorly-functioning brain wasn't following Luke's train of thought.

"And what year is it?"

"2011?" It was posed as a question not because Noah didn't know the year (though frankly, Noah wasn't sure of his own name at the moment), but because he didn't know where this was going.

"And like you just said, the last time we made love was November 7th, 2009. So… are you shooting for a 2-year anniversary here?"

"No!" Noah's response was immediate. "I just… I don't wanna rush you into anything."

Luke gave his sexiest smile, before deliberately uncrossing his outstretched legs and replying unrepentantly, "Baby, exactly _how_ slow do you want it?"


	37. Chapter 37

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1.

When: We pick up immediately from the previous chapter, in which a sofa-lounging (and naked) Luke has just said something very suggestive to a shell-shocked Noah, who's standing a short distance away.

Warnings: This is my first time writing any kind of scene like this, so, I hope it's ok. Pretty nervous about this particular chapter, so constructive feedback (good or bad) would be especially appreciated.

* * *

_September 2011, continued_

Noah flew across the room so quickly, Luke couldn't guarantee his feet had even touched the floor. Luke closed his eyes and tipped his head back, expecting to be ravaged, and then… nothing. In confusion, Luke blinked his eyes open, to find Noah kneeling on the floor beside him, his upper body hovering over Luke's, unmoving.

Instead, Noah was staring, unblinking, at Luke. Almost _through_ him. Luke wondered dimly, could ice blue eyes catch fire? Because Noah's seemed ablaze with heat. Yet he hadn't even touched Luke. Something Luke meant to remedy as he lifted his hand to pull Noah-

"No."

One word. Spoken softy, but with steel behind it. Noah meant what he said. He did not want Luke to touch him. Further still, he grasped Luke's outstretched hand, pushing it away from himself, and back down over Luke's head, against the couch. Just as Luke's heart prepared to plummet from the rejection, Noah ground out through clenched teeth, "not yet."

The faint growl Luke detected within these last words sent a thrill of excitement through him. While Luke had often initiated their lovemaking, it was usually Noah who took over the lead. Yet, Luke could not recall a time his boyfriend had ever sounded so _commanding_. Between that, and the fact that Noah was still pinning Luke's wrist above his own head, Luke felt as if he was at Noah's mercy, and that feeling increased his anticipation tenfold.

Suspecting he might actually die of want if Noah didn't touch him somewhere else _right now_, Luke resorted to begging, in a whine he didn't even recognize as his own voice. "Noah, please… _please_… touch me… I can't wait… I _can't_ wait anymore-"

Luke's fervent pleas were cut short by the sudden press of Noah's tongue to Luke's neck. As Luke tried to predict Noah's next move, Noah surprised him by releasing Luke's arm, only to begin dragging his tongue down the entirety of Luke's body. He drew a trail from the crook of Luke's neck, traversing his collar bone, trekking down Luke's side, over his hip bone, down his leg, and finally to his foot.

Incredibly, as it traveled its chosen path, the texture of Noah's hot, wet tongue transformed every innocuous body part Luke possessed into an erogenous zone. Now _convinced_ he was going to die of the fire tearing through his body, Luke's remaining thoughts were incinerated when Noah's wicked tongue changed course in its expedition. It crossed over to the other side of Luke's foot, then turned once more, to chart a return trip _up_ Luke's body.

This time, the route began on the inside of Luke's ankle. Noah's pilgrimage continued higher and higher, up Luke's leg to his inner thigh, nearing what Noah absolutely knew was the Promised Land. Noah's already enflamed libido was further stoked by the unstoppable stream of Luke's mindless moans and frenzied whimpers.

When Noah's mouth finally descended upon its target, he was half-surprised that he and Luke both didn't spontaneously combust then and there. Noah thought he'd remembered acutely what it had been like to be with Luke, but now he wasn't so certain. Had it always been this intense; this _extreme_? Noah felt like every inch of his body was burning up - had there always been this much sheer, unadulterated _heat_?

After long moments bound within the scorching bliss, Luke knew he couldn't take any more, or he would be completely spent before gaining what he needed most of all. He'd been clutching Noah's hair through the euphoric onslaught, and now pulled back on it to send Noah the memo. "Stop… please Noah… I want you…"

Noah immediately pulled back, and lifted himself over Luke so they were eye-to-eye. He leaned down, pressing his mouth to Luke's own in desperation, causing Luke to slightly taste himself on Noah's tongue. Then, excruciatingly slowly, Noah lowered his still fully-clothed body, until at last it was resting upon Luke's bare one. Luke felt the warmth through his boyfriend's crisp white shirt, an item of everyday apparel that was now somehow unbelievably sensuous contrasting with the bronze hue of Noah's tanned skin.

When Noah's pelvis finally brushed across his own, unintelligible babbles were Luke's only available reply. If he'd ever known the English language, Luke had no capacity to form words with it now. As Noah emitted a host of sounds ranging from "gahhhhh" to "fuuuuh", Luke distantly realized Noah was experiencing the same difficulty. Or, Luke would have realized, had he not also lost the ability to piece together a coherent thought.

Fortunately, Luke's hands didn't need an assist from his brain. They instinctively took action, with one deciding to strip away Noah's shirt, while the other sought to rid Noah of his pants. While their joint efforts were clumsy, Noah got the hint. Straddling Luke's waist, Noah raised his upper body to whip his own shirt off over his head in one swift move, leaving Luke staring at the flawless perfection of Noah's chest.

Before Noah had even disengaged both of his wrists from the shirt sleeves, Luke shot up into a sitting position. He tightly wrapped his arms around Noah's waist to hold him in place, leaning forward to lick one of the enticing pink nipples in front of him. Noah gasped both in surprise and arousal, then fumbled to unzip his pants, shoving them and his boxers to his knees. It was the most he could manage to strip in their current position.

As Luke's mouth transferred its attention to the other nipple, Noah's now free hands thrust into Luke's hair, anchoring themselves to his scalp for support. Noah watched Luke, and the feel and sight of his boyfriend's tongue sliding across Noah's nipples while Luke's impassioned eyes met his own felt like possibly the most erotic thing Noah had _ever _seen. At least until Luke laid back down on the couch, pulling Noah forward so he would be perched above Luke's face. As Noah moved up, he managed to kick off his shoes and scoot out of his pants. He reached Luke, who wasted no time in taking full advantage of the position, sliding his ardent mouth over Noah, all the while looking up intently at his boyfriend, never breaking eye contact.

In short order, Noah was forced to look away. The combination of Luke's talented mouth, masterful hands, and unwavering gaze was just too much, and Noah knew he couldn't hang on long if he continued to watch the scene before him. Even so, closing his eyes only bought a little more time, and soon it was Noah pulling Luke away.

Noah needed to be fully connected with the one person who meant everything to him. Luke was right; twenty-two and a half months was beyond too damned long. It was time to come home completely.

Noah retrieved the small bottle that had been placed upon the coffee table, and took utmost care in preparing Luke, thoroughly reducing him to nonsensical gibberish and uncontrollable writhing. He discovered they were lacking something else, however. Noah began to rise up off the couch for what he vowed would be the speediest condom search in recorded human history. But Luke stopped him, running his hands over Noah's chest while pleading, "Noah… baby… you know there's never been anyone else. Please, just make love to me. I want all of you… please, Noah…"

While they'd never been intimate without protection before, Conscientious Noah stood no chance in a battle of wills with Fuck Yes Noah. As it was, both Noahs were in total agreement that Luke's logic was sound. Noah knew that both he and Luke were healthy, exclusive, and absolutely spending the rest of their lives together, even if that last subject hadn't technically been discussed yet.

Noah nodded his approval, and Luke took the initiative to pour from the bottle into his own hand, stroking the palm over a bare Noah. Already, this felt different to both men; more vulnerable, somehow. Noah reached his hands behind Luke to draw him closer, then ran his hands down Luke's legs while simultaneously raising them to rest around Noah's torso.

Luke drew his knees up further, and curled his toes demandingly into Noah's sides, a silent invitation that read simply: _NOW_. Noah carefully pushed forward, _finally _joining with Luke in the perfect, primal, forever way they were meant to be together. Noah studied the exquisite beauty of his boyfriend's face, reveling in the sight of Luke's eyes rolling back into his head in pure ecstasy as Noah entered him.

As arousing as that picture was, Noah couldn't resist the pull to look down, and watch himself disappearing into Luke over and over again. The visual set off fireworks in Noah's brain. He briefly wondered if he might pass out from the impossibly heightened level of unbridled sensation. Soon, though, the whole of Noah's thoughts consisted only of an endless word that went something like _OhYesOhYesOhYesOhYesOhYes_.

If only Noah had been psychic in that moment, he would've heard the answering thought: _OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod_. Luke's mind was suspended within some place between prayer and debauchery, ping-ponging from exultations of gratitude to guttural demands of _harder… faster… more…_. Before they had broken up, their lovemaking had always felt like two halves amazingly coming together with a shared goal. Now, though, Luke didn't feel like half of anything, but that he and Noah were simply one entity, climbing, _soaring_ rapidly towards their own private nirvana.

When they reached the summit, the explosion that followed rocked them both to the core. Sex between them had always been electric, but never quite like _this_. As Noah kissed him hard and senseless, Luke wasn't surprised to feel tears sliding down his cheeks. What did surprise him was the realization they were Noah's.


	38. Chapter 38

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When/where: September 2015; continues from Chapter 19, the evening Luke returned home to Noah and Ollie in Oakdale after a business trip

* * *

_September 2015_

Luke woke with a start. He glanced up to make sure he hadn't disturbed a sleeping Noah, then looked over Noah's shoulder to the clock on the nightstand. 3:23. So, not exactly morning yet. Luke deduced the time change and jet lag must have affected him, and caused him to rouse at such an hour.

Until he heard an undefinable sound coming from somewhere distant in the house. He sat up, and listened unmoving for noise again, but heard none, apart from the breathing and faint snore of Noah. Luke smiled at that. His husband wasn't a regular snorer, but anytime they were separated even for short business trips, Noah slept poorly. Once they reunited, Noah's body seemed to relax and let go, always falling into an especially deep sleep.

As that thought drifted through his mind, it was interrupted by another faint disturbance. Luke carefully crept out of bed, making an effort not to stir the still-slumbering Noah. Quietly, Luke threw on a t-shirt (Noah's, he realized) and some pajama pants, exiting their room. He shuffled groggily down the hallway, first checking Ollie's bedroom. As suspected, it was empty.

Luke reversed course, passing his own room again before continuing on through the living room, and back to the kitchen. Where he found, as predicted, a not-so-stealthy Ollie conducting a clandestine refrigerator raid. For a moment, Luke delayed announcing his presence, just bemusedly watching his son in action.

The island counter in the kitchen was covered in assorted food items. Luke observed tonight's menu included Grandma Emma's secret recipe chicken wings, corn on the cob, three-bean salad, and several other items he couldn't identify in covered bowls and containers. At the image of Ollie contributing one final item, marshmallow fluff, to his chosen feast, Luke couldn't stifle a laugh.

"Daddy!" Ollie quickly placed the jar with the other food, then hurried across to throw his arms around Luke's legs in a jubilant embrace. "You can have a snack with me!"

Luke smiled, lifting Ollie into his arms while sitting down at one of the stools by the counter. "Ollie, this isn't a snack, it's a smorgasbord!"

Ollie considered what _that_ word meant, then decided, "Yes, it's a big snack! I'm _very_ hungry!"

"Is that so?" Luke returned. "Did Daddy forget to feed you? Because I seem to remember something about ravioli…"

"Oh, that was good! But we ate it all. And my tummy's hungry again," Ollie added matter-of-factly.

"Ollie, I don't think even _your_ tummy could be this hungry!"

"But it is! It told me so!" Ollie replied insistently.

Luke had to smile at his son's ever faultless logic. Of course if Ollie's stomach rumbled, he would go all out to answer its call. This wasn't his first late-night snack excursion, but normally, their fridge wasn't stuffed so full of Emma's delights. She had brought some food by before Noah and Ollie had returned home, getting a head start on tomorrow's picnic. Naturally, Ollie wouldn't see reason to leave anything untouched.

Technically, Ollie hadn't been given permission to pillage the refrigerator in the middle of the night, but he hadn't been explicitly told not to, either. This was his third or fourth such expedition, and each time, it had been Luke who'd discovered him. Luke knew there hadn't been any such outings that escaped detection, because Ollie was neither quiet, nor would he have cleaned up sufficiently to cover the evidence. And while Ollie's dad supposed he should probably be nixing the behavior, Luke enjoyed these impromptu visits with just the two of them too much.

It wasn't that Luke didn't love every moment the three of them spent as a family. But since the day Ollie was born, the boy had formed a special connection with Noah. Not that Luke and Ollie didn't have a different bond all their own; of course they did.

Yet somehow, Noah and Ollie had an understanding that Luke sometimes felt outside of. Just last night, he'd seen that look pass between them; the one in which Ollie sends Noah a message, and Noah wordlessly answers. It hadn't been difficult to determine that particular message, in the context of Ollie's hope for a present, but sometimes, Luke simply had no idea what they were silently saying to one another.

He didn't mind that, not at all. In fact, Luke was thrilled that they shared such a closeness. Had it not started pretty much from the outset, Luke would suspect Noah's surprising leniency with their son was the cause. _That_ had been a development Luke had honestly never seen coming.

Considering Noah's strict upbringing and Luke's more go-with-the-flow attitude, Luke had assumed he'd be the "easy" parent; the one their son would run to when the only answer he was interested in hearing was "yes". Ollie had thrown a wrench into those expectations by immediately wrapping Noah around his little finger. Add to that Noah's determination _not _to be like his own father, and Luke was amazed to find himself the stricter parent of the two. Something that amused Holden greatly, since while growing up, Luke had given his own dad a healthy dose of hair-pulling moments.

As Ollie graduated from infancy to toddlerhood, and finally the pre-school years, his similarities to Reid increased. Luke knew that Noah's feelings for their son wouldn't change despite that, but what surprised Luke was the result he did witness. Namely, that the more pronounced Reid qualities in Ollie seemed to slowly transform Noah's opinion of _Reid_.

Even before Luke and Noah had gotten back together, Noah had done his level best to put aside his resentment of Reid. Noah had explained it was something that he'd needed to do for himself. Blaming Reid for 'stealing' Luke and painting him the villain hadn't brought Noah any satisfaction, and he'd been forced to confront that truth when Reid had died.

Still, Luke knew when they reunited that for Noah, not resenting Reid had been a work-in-progress. Certainly, making his first real film had helped. Telling the stories of families who'd decided to donate a lost loved one's organs, as well as those of the patients who'd been saved, had gone a long way in helping Noah appreciate what Reid had done in his last moments.

Yet Noah had acknowledged his struggle in accepting the way Luke had felt about Reid. That was the real crux of any residual animosity. Noah couldn't stop the jealousy that throbbed within him at the knowledge Luke really had loved another man.

Luke had suspected as much, and it caused him not to mention Reid for months after their reunion, until finally it was Noah who encouraged him to talk about Reid. As awkward as it was for the both of them at first, by the time Ollie was born, they were fairly comfortable mentioning Reid in everyday conversation. And Luke had felt that was more than he could have wished for.

So the real surprise had been that as Ollie grew, Noah suddenly appreciated the qualities in him that he had loathed in Reid. The sheer audacity, the absence of socially-dictated humility, the utter lack of an internal censor… all were characteristics Noah regarded as part of Ollie's unique charm, as did Luke. And that unflagging honesty - Ollie had a propensity to cut to the heart of the matter, no matter how ill at ease it might make the adults in the room.

Occasionally, their son unnerved even Luke with a statement or question he uttered. Last night's query to Noah, asking whether _he_ loved Reid, sprang to mind. Simply because he'd felt for Noah having to field such a dicey issue. But as usual, Noah put aside any discomfort to really weigh Ollie's question, and give him the most honest, complete answer that he could.

Luke had been astounded, thinking Ollie had finally come up with a question even Noah couldn't tackle. But Noah's considered, heartfelt answer brought Luke to a realization. While Noah might always regret the fact Luke had loved another, he had let go of his enmity towards Reid. Something about that moment had felt like a shift; like it was the first time Noah realized it, too.

Now, sitting in their kitchen with Ollie in his lap, Luke was glad to have this time with their extraordinary son. While Luke had mentioned Ollie's occasional snack-runs to his husband, Noah never let on with Ollie that he knew. This helped make these moments feel like Luke and Ollie's secret - something for only the two of them.

Luke's train of thought was cut short by the sight of Ollie grappling to open the jar of marshmallow fluff. Luke couldn't detect any food item in front of them which would require such a condiment, so asked, "What exactly is that for?"

"The three-bean salad!" Ollie replied, in a tone of speech that indicated he might as well have said "DUH!"

Luke tried to suppress the laughter he could feel bubbling up as he answered, "Um, buddy, I don't think that would taste very good together."

Ollie responded without missing a beat. "How do you _know_ Daddy? Did you _try_ it yet?"

Well, no, in fact - he hadn't. Leave it to Ollie to level Luke's own recent argument for sampling broccoli back at his father. Luke offered no further debate as he watch Ollie carefully spoon some three-bean salad onto a paper plate, then dip the same spoon (ugh!) into the marshmallow fluff, doing his best to spread it across the food already on the plate. At least Ollie had abided the house rule prohibiting him from using a knife.

Luke was fairly disgusted at the sight of this particular food combination, but also amused at Ollie's adventurous way of thinking. Besides, let the kid find out for himself how gross this concoction would taste. That would be more effective than Luke telling him "no" and making him want to proceed all the more.

Ollie finished his painstaking preparation of this probably heretofore unseen-on-planet-Earth dish. He took a sample onto the spoon, then surprised Luke by offering the first taste to him. _The little stinker_, Luke thought humorously.

"Daddy, you said you have to try something to see whether you like it!"

Ollie had him there. With trepidation, Luke opened his mouth to take a taste as Ollie generously offered the spoonful to him. It was, in a word, wretched. In all his years, Luke must have tasted something more god-awful at some point in his lifetime, but he couldn't think when.

At the twisting in disgust of his father's face, Ollie dissolved into peals of laughter.

Enjoying Ollie's delight, Luke played up his appalled expression. He brought his hands up to his own neck to make choking motions, eventually letting his head drop to loll on his chest, feigning that Ollie's creation had poisoned him.

"Daddy, you're so silly!" Ollie had loved every second of the exaggerated performance. "But you did a good job trying it! It's good for you!"

Luke wasn't so convinced of the health benefits of three-bean salad with marshmallow fluff, but knew that Ollie was parroting Luke's praise from a few weeks ago, when Ollie had tried (and dismissed) broccoli. Still, Luke hadn't forgotten whose crazy idea this recipe had been in the first place. He spooned a sample for Ollie, offering it to him. Silently thinking, _see how YOU like it, kid_.

Ollie tasted the food with a thoughtful look, seeming to compare the odd blending of tastes. Finally, he took Luke aback by emitting an "mmmmmmm" sound. _What?_ If Ollie had been anyone else, Luke would have thought he was just trying not to concede the point that three-bean salad and marshmallow fluff tasted horrendous.

But Ollie was unfailingly direct. If he disliked his own idea, he would have simply dropped it and looked for a better one. Luke's assessment was confirmed when of his own volition, Ollie took the spoon from him to retrieve another bite.

As Ollie's dad watched his son continue to eat something he wasn't entirely sure the boy should even ingest, Luke began to suspect it wasn't that Ollie especially liked the taste. With every bite, Ollie got that same pensive expression on his face, like what he was enjoying most was the pure test of trying to wrap his mind around the incongruous flavors. Ollie pushing himself to conquer yet another challenge was all so indisputably _Reid_-like.

Luke's heart twinged just a little at the thought. He hugged Ollie to himself, gaining an adorable upturned smile in the process. Feeling the unabashed love in that smile, Luke was once again reminded that four years ago, he had made the absolutely right call in deciding to bring Ollie into the world.


	39. Chapter 39

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When/where: November 2011, Snyder Farm - two months after Luke and Noah reunited in Los Angeles

* * *

_November 2011_

On Thanksgiving, Noah and Luke were back in Oakdale, seated at the table in Emma's kitchen. They were joined by Holden, Lily, Lucinda, and Emma. There had been great fanfare when the reunited couple had returned home for this visit.

Predictably, the Snyder clan had welcomed them with delight and affection. After enjoying the holiday dinner and quality time with the family, Luke's younger siblings had eventually been sent (under great protest) to bed, save Faith, who'd gone out with friends. This left Luke and Noah alone with Luke's parents and grandmothers, and they knew the time had come to tell them… everything.

Which is how they came to be sitting at the table wordlessly, while the older adults at the table simply _stared_ at them, attempting to process what they'd just been told. Luke had finally explained the baby situation to his family. And he had expected the conversation would be a difficult one, but he hadn't expected this. Oppressive, nearly _deafening _silence. Luke was very close to saying something, anything really, if only to break the tension as the moments dragged by with no words from anyone.

The quiet, however, was suddenly broken by Lucinda's harsh reproach. "What on earth are you thinking? _This _is how you treat poor Noah? Luke Snyder, of all the rash, ridiculous, _selfish _things you have ever dreamed up in your life-"

While Holden was still struggling to comprehend what they had just learned, he didn't have to understand it yet to defend his son. He took in a breath to speak, preparing to halt Lucinda's tirade in its tracks.

"STOP."

The voice was strong, steadfast, and authoritative. And most decidedly _not _Holden's.

All heads at the table whipped to look in Noah's direction. Noah met Lucinda's shocked gaze with a steely one of his own, as he continued. "With respect, Lucinda, I can't let you speak to Luke like that."

While Luke and his amazed family looked on, Lucinda's mouth dropped open. Predictably enough, though, she regrouped quickly, stood up, and shot back at Noah, "Let me? _Let _me? Young man, I do not require _your_ permission to speak to _my _grandson in any way-"

"I'm sorry, but when you're out of line you do." Now all mouths at the table - save the stalwart Holden's - had fallen open, both at the fact the usually well-mannered Noah had interrupted _anyone_ mid-sentence (let alone Lucinda), and at what he'd said. For his part, Noah's stomach flipped at his own gall, but he was determined not to back down. Losing Luke had been a learning experience, at least. He knew now that he needed to stand by his boyfriend not just when it was easy, but especially when it wasn't.

Taking on Luke's formidable grandmother definitely didn't fall under the "easy" column. Noah loved Lucinda, but she was going too far here. Luke hadn't done anything wrong to invite the tongue-lashing he'd received, and Noah wouldn't sit by quietly and permit it to continue.

Noah took his eyes from Lucinda's looming form across the table to regard an astonished Luke beside him. He opened his hand in invitation for Luke to take it, which Luke did. They shared a silent conversation within their shared look, in which Noah seemed to be saying, "I've got your back", with Luke's answering "_thank you_."

Watching this wordless communication not meant for anyone but them, Lucinda's ire receded, and she lowered back into her chair. The main source of her anger had been concern that Luke's harebrained idea to bring Reid Oliver's child into the world would destroy her grandson's renewed relationship with Noah. She knew he loved Noah, and that losing him again would hurt Luke terribly. Lucinda loved Noah, too (_at least before now_, she thought wryly), and she worried that the paternity of this baby would be particularly upsetting for him.

Somehow, that didn't seem to be the case. Noah wasn't just going along with Luke's decision, but defending and supporting it. And talking back to Lucinda herself! The nerve! Lucinda finally responded to Noah's impudence by addressing Luke evenly. "It would seem I have overstepped, darling. And for that, I am sorry. I do hope you'll forgive me."

As the still-stunned family looked on, Luke reached across the table with his free arm to take Lucinda's hand. "Of course, Grandmother! I know this was a lot to take in."

"I can relate," Noah joked to Lucinda, hoping to dissolve any tension between them. As Lucinda appraised her grandson's boyfriend, she couldn't help but to be impressed. This wasn't the uncertain boy she'd first met years ago. This young man was made of sterner stuff. He'd even taken _her _on in Luke's behalf.

Lucinda tried to project an air of annoyance at Noah. Still, everyone watching knew it was an act, especially since she couldn't contain the ghost of an amused smile that escaped her. Finally, she released Luke's hand, pointing at Noah as she replied, "I'm glad he has _you_."

Noah smiled back in relief. It was heartening to get the Lucinda Walsh Seal of Approval, particularly after how he'd spoken to her. He still couldn't quite _believe_ he'd done it, but he didn't regret it. Noah knew he and Luke were going to do whatever it took to make it work this time, and that included standing up for one other.

* * *

"Well, _that_ was interesting," Holden offered.

He and Lily had just returned home after the eventful (even for the Snyders) Thanksgiving dinner, and were preparing for bed, having let the kids stay the night with Emma at Snyder Farm.

"Interesting? That's one way to put it," Lily returned. Knowing each other since their teen years, the note of disapproval in Lily's voice couldn't escape Holden's notice.

"The boys have to live their own lives," Holden pointed out, pulling back the covers to climb into their bed.

Lily, who'd been brushing her hair, turned on the seat of the nearby vanity to face her once-and-future husband. "I know that! But _they_ didn't make this decision. _Luke_ did, by himself! You know I don't condone the way my mother spoke to him, but she had a point."

"Whatever you do, just don't tell her that. Let's not ruin all the work Noah did to calm her down," Holden quipped.

"Holden, this isn't funny!"

"Oh, come on. That part was. You know I love Lucinda! We may not have had the best start once upon a time, but she's been my number one champion once she decided no one else was good enough to claim her fair daughter's hand," Holden finished, mischievously winking at Lily. "But when was the last time you saw her _that_ shocked? You could've flown a plane into her mouth…"

"Stop!" Lily was laughing now. "Ok, I'll admit - that was something to remember. But _you're_ changing the subject."

"Which was?"

Lily rose from the chair and walked the few steps to their bed. Once there, she picked up a pillow, and promptly thumped it over Holden's head.

"You _know_ what," she added in exasperation. "Luke went off on his own and decided to have Reid's baby! Without talking to any of us first! Poor Noah. He's so in love with Luke; what can he do but go along with it?"

"_Poor Noah_? Are we talking about the same Noah that just took on your mother - and won?"

"I know, but-"

"But nothing," Holden interjected. "Lily, Noah isn't the same shy kid we met four years ago. He's a grown man, and he knows what he's doing. The same as Luke!"

Lily replied quickly, "_Does _Luke know what he's doing? Does he really? He didn't even talk to any of his family before going through with this!"

Holden tried to contain an emerging smile. "Is the problem that Luke made the decision on his own without talking to anyone? Or that he made it without talking to _you_?"

Lily bristled. "Holden Snyder, that's ridiculous! I just think… I mean, it's a huge decision… shouldn't he at least…," Lily trailed off under Holden's unwavering, and yes, amused gaze. There was little point in protesting that Holden was wrong when he wasn't. He knew it, and they _both_ already knew he knew.

"Ugh!" Lily sighed, then whipped back the covers on her side and plopped down onto the bed with a huff. An action that unmistakably evoked Luke, just as Luke reminded of Lily in his dramatic moments. Risking another pillow to the head, Holden leaned over to nuzzle Lily's neck, peppering kisses there that broke her resolve to be aggravated.

After a few moments, Holden spoke softly, "I worry about them, too. I'm sure it was a lot for Noah to process. But he knew about this when he took Luke back, and you heard him. He's committed to Luke and the baby."

"I know; you're right," Lily responded. "But what if the baby comes and it's too hard? What if he can't help but resent who the baby's father is?"

"He won't," Holden said with assurance.

"But how can you know?" Immediately, Lily realized the stupidity of the question. "Oh, Holden - of course _you_ would know. By the way, I'm an idiot."

Holden chuckled, wrapping his arms tighter around Lily while answering, "Don't talk that way about my wife!"

"Hey, mister, I'm not your wife yet!" Lily smiled, reveling in the feel of being back in the only arms she would ever belong in.

"Lily Walsh, you've been my wife in my heart since the first moment I laid eyes on you." Now Holden's voice was rough with emotion. "Whether or not our papers are up-to-date doesn't change that."

"Our papers!" Lily joked, "You make us sound like a pair of border collies!"

A gleam appeared in Holden's eyes, just before he let loose with a playful bark. And as he pulled a now-giggling Lily under the covers to take full advantage of their alone time, he gave an even more impish reply, "I ain't nothin' but a hound dog…"


	40. Chapter 40

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When/where: Valentine's Day 2012; Oakdale

Special thanks to AcadianProud and GypsyGirl77 for the kind comments!

* * *

_February 14, 2012_

Luke woke mid-morning, after sleeping soundly curled around Noah back in his old room at Lily's. He knew immediately from the lack of warmth in the bed that Noah had already risen. He was surprised, however, when he rolled over to find a note placed on Noah's pillow, along with a single red rose. The envelope read simply, _Good morning, Valentine_. He smiled as he realized this must have something to do with Noah's big plans for the day.

It was Noah's idea to come back to Oakdale for Valentine's Day. He'd cited the concerns the Snyders had raised at Christmas - namely, that they would only see the boys and the soon-to-arrive baby on holidays with them living so far away. Noah thought it might reassure the family if they visited home a few more times before the baby was born.

Luke loved the idea. In fact, since the discussion Noah prompted last week, letting Luke know it was ok to talk about Reid, Luke felt more relaxed and happy overall; like he'd finally been able to exhale a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He put it down to finally completely realizing - not just in his head, but in his heart - that Noah was sticking with him, no matter what.

Opening the envelope, Luke read: _I'm buying you breakfast. Or lunch, Sleepyhead. You know where. Love, Noah…_

Chuckling that the _Love, Noah_ was pretty unnecessary (unless there'd been a rash of break-ins in which mysterious strangers left rendezvous invites on the pillows of unsuspecting Oakdale citizens), Luke pulled himself up out of bed. He wasn't much of a morning person, but he was excited to see what Noah had scheduled for their day. In addition to suggesting the trip, Noah had asked Luke if he could plan their Valentine's Day.

He'd pointed out that most of their previous ones had involved over-the-top drama, life-and-death situations, crazy people, or some combination of the above. Noah told Luke he wanted to make this Valentine's both special, and _normal_ for them. Luke thought that sounded pretty much perfect, and happily agreed. But try as he might, he could not get Noah to tell him what they were doing today.

Showering and dressing in record time (for Luke, anyway), he quickly made his way to Al's for his "date" with Noah. His excitement was a bit deflated walking in only to find that his boyfriend hadn't arrived yet. Luke took a seat at their favorite booth, and retrieved his mobile to text Noah.

And that's when the envelope caught his eye. It was standing against the napkin dispenser, and read: _Hello, Beautiful_. Luke hurriedly tore in, pulling out the card and read:

_First, please don't get mad at me. I know, great opener, right? Second, enjoy your meal. You're gonna need it; plus, you don't get the next card til you eat. Third, and most important - trust me. I want to make this Valentine's Day special for you - for US… _

Luke was both heartened and confounded by the message. What was Noah up to? He was warmed that Noah wanted to make the day special for them, but how could that happen without Noah _there_?And Luke was supposed to eat? Fine, he would just go with it and follow Noah's instructions, hoping that his curiosity was satisfied along with his hunger.

Just as Luke opened the menu, a waitress appeared with a tray full of Luke's favorites. As she set the plates before him, Luke regretfully began to explain that he hadn't ordered anything yet. The waitress beamed, and handed Luke a small white card sans envelope that read simply: _EAT_.

Like with the other messages, Noah's handwriting was unmistakable. It was the script he used when he wanted his writing to appear more formal than his normal scrawl. It, too, was still scrawl, but at least slightly more legible than his standard fare.

A still perplexed and now amused Luke tucked into his feast. While part of his haste was due to hunger, most of his hurry came in knowing the sooner he finished, the sooner he'd get the message telling him where to find Noah. On cue, when Luke pushed his last cleaned plate away, the waitress returned to his table, delivering another note card with a single red rose.

Luke blushed, thanked her, and opened his wallet. The waitress waved him off, explaining it had already been taken care of. _Noah_. She wished him a happy Valentine's Day before leaving to see to her other customers. Luke speedily read through the new note:

_I'll never forget that moment. I'd been having feelings for you for awhile. Ok, pretty much from the start. But that day, we were alone, and it was the first time something happened between us. I looked into your eyes, and you made me forget that I was supposed to be hiding how I felt about you. With my body pressed to yours, I was on fire. I knew you felt it, too…_

Luke could swear his own skin heated even now at the memory. He had invited Noah and Maddie, Noah's _girlfriend_, for a swim at the pond. Maddie'd had to opt out at the last minute to help her brother with his latest crisis. As cool as Noah had been with the dual revelations that 1.) Luke was gay, and 2.) Luke liked Noah, like _that_, Luke expected Noah would drop out, as well.

He'd been surprised when Noah still wanted to go for the swim. And more than a little nervous, to be honest. The idea of being all alone with a wet Noah clothed only in swim trunks was daunting. Luke had worried he might drool or say something dumb, or drool _and _say something dumb.

Yet Luke's stupid, stupid heart also couldn't help its excitement. Though he had crushed on Kevin once upon a time, it was nothing like _this_. Kevin and Luke had been best friends already, and when Luke finally began to accept his own sexuality, it made sense he would feel drawn to the boy he was already closest to.

But Noah… when Noah walked into a room, it thrilled Luke and devastated him all at the same time. Noah was so kind and funny and sweet. His easy acceptance of Luke had made Luke's heart soar, only to plummet each time he'd realized he could never be with the wonderful but straight Noah.

While Luke had been riddled with nerves at the start of their swim, soon he was relaxed, laughing, and having the best time he'd had in memory. They'd played with the freedom of ten-year-olds, dunking one another and competing to see who could create the biggest cannonball splash. Eventually, they'd bounded into the house, dripping wet and out of breath.

Then Noah had teased him about creating a flood in Emma's kitchen, and the towel fight had ensued. With one playful but strong tug, Luke pulled Noah's towel forward, and Noah with it. When Noah landed bodily on top of Luke, trapping him against the counter, time as they knew it had ceased to exist.

Eyes locked, and they were suspended in the moment. Luke might've expected to be embarrassed, had he not immediately seen in Noah's eyes what was surely displayed in his own. Unabashed, naked _want_.

Luke could hear nothing but the heaving sounds of their breathing, as they stood chest-to-chest, arms still held around one another where they'd fallen. Yet neither boy moved away, lost to the pure _sensation_ of the moment. The sudden thought had struck Luke; _oh my God, we're gonna kiss_.

Until Maddie walked in. Noah had pulled away from Luke quickly, as if he'd been suddenly snapped out of a trance. And Luke had been left to wonder if he'd imagined the whole thing.


	41. Chapter 41

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When/where: Resumes from previous chapter - Valentine's Day 2012; Oakdale

* * *

_February 14, 2012 continued_

Luke shook himself from his bittersweet reflections, and began the drive to Snyder Farm. Between the messages and the waiting, Luke found he was even more excited to get to Noah, and spend their Valentine's Day together. He couldn't help but be amused at how good his boyfriend had gotten at the whole anticipation-building thing.

When Luke walked into the kitchen at Snyder Farm, he immediately noticed something was off. Specifically, there wasn't a sound to be heard. Already feeling it was pointless, Luke called out, "Noah? Grandma? Is anybody here?"

He ventured in to check the living room, which was empty. Luke was starting to understand Noah's previous request that he not get upset. On his way back through the kitchen, though, Luke spied it. _Another_ note, along with another rose.

The placement of the card quashed any hint of annoyance. Noah had taped it to the _exact_ spot on the side of the counter where his body had pressed against Luke's that day so long ago. Luke was touched by the thought put into the gesture.

As he removed and read the new clue, Luke couldn't have stopped the giddy smile that took over his face if he'd tried.

_My heart had never beat as loud or as fast as it did in that moment. Once again, being with you made me forget about everything that was expected of me. When I finally let go, and acted on the strongest feelings I'd ever had for anyone, it was more than I had even dreamed it would be. And believe me, I'd been dreaming of it a lot…_

Of course, Luke knew exactly where this message was meant to send him. He practically raced back to the rental car to head for WOAK. Glancing over at the ever-growing pile of messages on the passenger seat - along with the three red roses - Luke had to give Noah credit. Whatever he'd imagined they'd be doing for Valentine's Day, it wasn't _this_. Honestly, he was loving it, realizing the effort Noah had gone to, and the emotion that he'd put into the notes he'd left for Luke.

It meant the world to Luke that these moments had been as special for Noah as they had been for him. Still, he couldn't help but hope Noah would be waiting for him at WOAK. Perhaps holding a big heart-shaped box of candy, and wearing a tuxedo. Or better yet, holding a big heart-shaped box of candy, and wearing nothing. Luke laughed out loud at his own silliness, while inwardly acknowledging that any scandal that ensued from such an action would be _totally_ worth it.

When he arrived in the office the station's interns used, however, Luke wasn't surprised to find no Noah. He had resigned himself to the fact that this would take as long as Noah had decided it would, and all Luke could do was insist upon making _next_ year's Valentine's plans. He checked the desk for a possible message, then the walls, thinking maybe Noah had taped it to one.

Upon finding nothing, Luke started back towards the door, thinking maybe he'd missed something placed there. Within two steps, Luke heard the slight crunch of paper beneath his feet, and looked down to find a card taped to the floor. _What the heck?_

Almost as soon as he'd formed the question, the answer dawned on Luke. It was where they were standing when Noah first kissed him. Or at least, very near, since there was no way to know for sure.

Something about the simple fact that Noah had gone to the trouble to try and locate the precise spot made Luke's heart clench. He could feel the tears sting his eyes as he opened the slightly crumpled envelope. The note inside read:

_So many ups and downs since this moment. So many things that worked to keep us apart - sometimes our fault, sometimes not. But finally, one day, we came together in the most beautiful experience I'd ever known. And for the record, it was absolutely worth the wait…_

There was no help for it. The tears were falling freely now. If Noah's mission had been to make Luke fall in love with him all over again, it was completely working. Though as he headed _back_ to his parents' house, Luke planned to tease Noah that next Valentine's, they should try to show their love without making such a big carbon footprint.

Luke didn't even bother to look for Noah at the house. Like Snyder Farm, the place was quiet, and it was clear no one was home. Luke positively ran up the stairs to look for his next treasure. Because he knew now these messages weren't just clues; they were love letters, and each one was precious to him.

Luke sat on the bed to read the note he found lying there; once more, beside a single red rose.

_In some ways, I wish we could have trapped this moment in time, and stayed in it together forever. But real life doesn't work like that, and OUR real lives were crazier than most. We never seemed to have enough time. But you made time. How often did you schedule your day around my lunch breaks just so we could eat together? No matter how my shift was going, seeing you walk through the door always made everything so much better…_

While all this running around was physically tiring, any fatigue was drowned out by the joy that coursed through Luke with each remembrance. His cheeks even ached just a little from the grin that refused to subside. Arriving at Java, Luke wondered where his next dispatch might be found. He headed for the counter once he recalled that's where Noah had usually been when Luke first arrived.

Sure enough, a barista met him almost immediately, delivering his favorite cappuccino along with the next anticipated note and rose. Luke opened the envelope, only to find a smaller envelope contained within, which read: _Sit. Relax. Drink. THEN open me. You've earned a Java break…_

Luke giggled at the fact that Noah had now scheduled both a meal and a coffee break for him in this crazy excursion. And Noah had been right. Luke was refreshed by the short break in what was literally a journey through their love story.

After emptying his mug, he opened the smaller envelope, which read:

_How much time did we spend here holding hands, just being there for each other through whatever problems came our way? I never told you this, but after we broke up, I used to come here and sit alone. Hoping somehow, just maybe, you'd need to do the same - that you'd finally return to our spot to sit beside me, and I'd hold you in my arms again…_

Luke made his way out of Java as quickly as possibly. Both to hide his teary eyes, and because his next stop was so thankfully close. It was their favorite bench in Old Town, where they'd spent so much time talking about everything under the sun.

As he rounded the corner to his destination, his already full heart leapt at the sight of Noah awaiting him, holding one red rose. Noah was wearing neither a tuxedo nor his birthday suit, but the simple form-fitting pair of beige slacks and the same white shirt he'd been wearing the day they'd made love again after such a long time apart. Upon seeing Luke, Noah's hugest grin emerged, and he stood up from the bench to greet Luke's arrival.

Coming home to Noah's arms, Luke melted into the embrace. "Happy Valentine's Day, Bubby," he said softly. "Thank you so, so much. This was amazing."

"I hope you still think so in a moment," Noah returned, pulling Luke down onto the bench and offering him the flower. He gently kissed Luke, who was surprised upon opening his eyes to find they now had company.

"Mom… Dad? What are you guys doing here? Oh my God, Noah… are we going on a double-date for Valentine's with my _parents_?" Luke said in mock horror. Then he regarded the naked emotion on his parents' faces, and suddenly, he wasn't laughing anymore.

"Noah?" Luke breathed his name in question form, but he already knew in his heart what was happening. A feeling that was confirmed when Noah took his hand, and slid off the bench to rest upon one knee in front of Luke.

Before Noah answered, Luke's attention was averted by the sounds of more people approaching. Sure enough, Luke's grandmothers, siblings, cousins, friends, and much of his extended family approached the bench, each person clasping a single red rose. Upon noticing that detail, plus the realization that people had _flown in _for this, the reality of the moment hit Luke, and he began to tremble slightly.

Noah soothingly began to stroke the hand he was holding, which snapped Luke's gaze back to him. Now, Luke spied the dampness in the sky blue eyes, which triggered his own waterworks. They weren't the quietly dignified but beautiful tears Luke would've liked to pull off in such a moment, but rather heaving, sniffling, _vociferous _sobs.

The gusto of which triggered laughter in the both of them, as well as the assembled family. Collecting himself, Noah spoke.

"I didn't know this news would be quite _that _bad," Noah joked. Luke playfully smacked Noah's shoulder with his free hand, prompting more laughter from their family.

Noah went on, "I think by now, you've maybe figured out what's going on here. Or, I'm really doing this _all _wrong." He winked at a smirking Luke. Noah's wisecracks may have been corny, but they were serving their intended purpose. Luke marveled that Noah knew him so well, he'd know a few of his uniquely dorky quips would help calm Luke in this most overwhelming of moments.

"Luke, as I sit - ok, kneel - here holding your hand, there are so many feelings inside me, more than I can ever express to you in words. So I'm gonna just pick two to talk about right now, if that's ok."

Luke nodded, even though he knew it was unnecessary. He was at least breathing semi-normally again, but Luke's heart was still thumping as though it desperately needed to jump out of his chest and be set free to fly. He took another deep breath to steady himself, and to start committing every detail of this cherished moment to his memory.

"The first emotion is gratitude," Noah continued. "I always thought I knew what that was. Growing up, the Colonel drilled into me, 'Noah, be grateful for what you have!' But the way he taught gratitude, I thought of it as a duty - something you owed just because you were alive and had a roof over your head.

Being here with you now, I know better. Real gratitude isn't an obligation. It's what you feel naturally when you realize in your heart how thankful you are for everything good in your life. There's no doubt; the best part of my life has always been you. And I am so, so thankful for that."

Unbeknownst to Luke, he really _was_ doing the beautiful, silent crying thing now in response to Noah's heartfelt words.

"The second feeling I need to mention is love. Because Luke Snyder, _I love_ _you_. With every fiber of my being; everything that I am.

And there won't be a day in the rest of our lives where I don't do everything I can to make you feel that completely. I know I haven't always been there for you when you needed it. I hope I've shown you over these last months that I've changed - hopefully for the better," Noah added wryly.

"We've come so far and gone through so much to be together. For me, every second has been worth it, because it was the path that brought us here today. My deepest hope for the future is that we commit ourselves to each other forever, and officially become the family we already are in my heart.

I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and the baby, and doing everything I can to make you both happy. I hope you want that, too. So the question I'm about to ask probably won't come as a shock…

Luke Snyder, will you marry me?"


	42. Chapter 42

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When/where: Oakdale; first, New Year's Day of 2012; then, the autumn of 2007

Thank you AcadianProud for the kind review of the last chapter - and thanks to all who are (still!) reading :)

* * *

_January 1, 2012_

Noah quietly made his way downstairs at dawn on the first day of the new year. He'd managed to slip out of bed and throw some clothes on without waking Luke. After they'd rung in 2012 with the rest of the family, Noah had slightly roused Luke's suspicions by wanting to take a shower before bed. But a tired Luke just shook his head and turned in, not analyzing it too much.

Noah was glad. By the time he'd finished, Luke was sleeping soundly. The premature shower was actually just the first part of him getting ready in the morning. If Noah waited to do it when he arose, he knew he'd wake Luke then, which was exactly what he wanted to avoid. Noah set some clothes out for himself, knowing he'd need them in just a few hours.

Holden was an early riser. He naturally woke in the wee hours after growing up tending the animals. And even though he'd hired someone to help on the farm, it was both Sunday and a holiday, so a day off for the young worker.

Noah knew if he wanted to catch Holden alone, he would have to be _early_. Noah made his way into the kitchen. Luke's dad was pouring a freshly brewed cup of coffee at the counter, facing away from Noah.

As Holden turned and spotted Noah's presence, he jumped in surprise. "Noah!" Holden managed to regain a grip on the mug that had been jarred to dribble a few drops onto the floor. Noah cringed, realizing he'd almost made Luke's father spill hot coffee on himself. _Not _really the start he was hoping for.

Holden recovered quickly and smiled wide, saying, "I never expected to see anyone at this hour! What's got you up so early, son?"

Noah's heart warmed at the endearment. Holden really _did _treat him like a son. He shouldn't be nervous, but he didn't know for sure how Holden would feel about what Noah was going to say. As soon as he mustered the courage, that is.

"Oh, I couldn't sleep," Noah replied. That was true, anyway. Since setting an alarm would have woken Luke, Noah had left their door ajar, in the hopes he'd hear Holden pass by in the morning. Noah needn't have worried about oversleeping, though. He could swear he'd woken every 15 minutes in fear that he'd been too late.

"Something on your mind?"

Noah wasn't ready to explain himself yet, so he just nodded and said, "Yeah, kind of. Nothing bad, though."

"Well that's good. Anything you want to talk about?"

Noah shook his head. "Yes. I mean, no. I mean, not yet…"

Noah trailed off at Holden's good-natured laughter. He realized he _did _sound pretty silly. Noah returned Holden's smile as he was offered a second coffee cup. He took it, and hoped the caffeine shot would not only help wake him, but that being more alert would boost his nerve.

Once they sat at the table, Noah also accepted a danish from the plate Holden pushed at him . If food could help fuel his physical reserves, perhaps it could fortify his emotional ones, as well. The two men ate in a comfortable silence.

It was nice for both of them. Neither was the kind of man who was frivolous with words. While Luke and Lily loved to discuss (sometimes, to death) everything of consequence - or not - Holden and Noah didn't feel the same need. And unlike many people, they never searched for something to say just to speak; rather, they spoke when they had something to say.

Holden enjoyed this silent meal with Noah. If most anyone else in the family had sat down with him, they would expect to be spoken to with regularity. With Noah, Holden knew he could just relax and enjoy a quiet breakfast, knowing Noah would enjoy the companionable silence, too.

When they'd finished eating, Holden took their plates and mugs and placed them in the sink. He addressed Noah. "Time for me to feed the critters. The furry ones this time," he joked, impulsively ruffling Noah's hair as he passed by the chair.

Noah laughed, but felt the love in the simple gesture. As he realized Holden was putting on his coat to leave, Noah hurriedly asked, "Can I help?"

Holden looked surprised, then sought to clarify the question. "At the farm?"

"Yes. If that's ok, I mean. If I wouldn't get in the way."

"Of course not!" Holden beamed. "I'd love to have you! We'll finish twice as fast. Plus, it's been a long time!"

* * *

_Fall 2007_

It had been. Holden had shown Noah the ropes around the farm early on. After Colonel Mayer attacked Luke, he wasn't able to help his dad on the farm. Noah had visited almost daily to be with Luke, and help in his physical therapy. Once, Luke happened to mention his regret that he was no longer able to help Holden with the chores.

Noah arrived bright and early at Snyder Farm the very next morning. Holden was more than a little surprised to find the boy waiting outside. Noah explained that he wanted to do Luke's share of the chores until he was better. Holden informed him that it wasn't necessary, but despite his reluctance to argue with Luke's dad, Noah insisted.

Impressed with the young man, Holden relented, deciding to allow Noah to help. He knew that while Noah was blameless in what happened to Luke, the boy felt responsible. Holden hoped doing Luke's chores would help Noah to work through his guilt.

What Holden hadn't expected was the relish with which Noah took to farm life. While it was true he needed to be carefully instructed how to do everything, once he learned a new skill, Noah excelled at it. In addition, he seemed to enjoy it all very much. Consequently, it was a joy for Holden to guide the boy in learning Luke's duties.

The memory of those times was special for Noah, too. His own father didn't know the meaning of patience and encouragement. Colonel Mayer valued following orders to the letter. With him, if Noah tried and fell short, he would get chastised for what he did wrong.

Holden could not have been more different. The first morning Noah showed up to help him, he'd been given the simple task to remove eggs from the henhouse. Yet, the jerky movements and incessant clucking of the chickens made him jittery. As he finally collected the last of the eggs, Noah stepped away in relief, glad to have accomplished the task successfully.

Suddenly, an irate mother hen launched an attack on Noah from behind, startling him by pecking his ankles. He couldn't stop his surprised body from jumping in fright, just enough to upend the painstakingly retrieved basket of eggs. Noah watched in horror as every last egg hurtled to the ground, and the sounds of splintering shells and splattering yolks rung out through the barn.

Noah's heart sunk immediately. He'd come to help out, and all he did was destroy the whole day's worth of fresh eggs. When Holden walked into the barn, he nearly laughed at the scene of a shell-shocked Noah surrounded by a basket's worth of broken eggs and a gaggle of affronted hens.

Until he saw the look on the boy's face. Devastation. Holden was mystified as to why some broken eggs would cause Noah such trauma, but then he realized. Colonel Mayer. _Damn him_, Holden silently cursed.

That nutjob had the boy so terrified of even making a small mistake, it was no wonder Noah had been so afraid to come out. When Noah became aware of Holden's presence, and noticed Luke's father staring at him with a frown, he flinched at the reproach he expected to come. Seeing that Noah had misinterpreted his anger, Holden walked over to him, and without hesitation, embraced the frightened boy.

Noah automatically tensed, unaccustomed to such an action. Holden simply held him tighter, adding a soothing, "It's all right, son." At the sincerity in those words, Noah relaxed. So much so that he began to quietly cry.

Despite everything that had happened, Noah had never let it out. The Colonel never permitted such displays. But the Colonel wasn't here, and he didn't care about his son, anyway. Noah was tired of trying to please him; of trying to be what he wanted; of trying to be strong all the time. Hell, Noah was just tired, period.

Holden continued to comfort him, telling Noah, "you're safe here. It's going to be all right." When Luke's dad said it, Noah believed it. After a few moments, Noah's tears subsided, and he bashfully pulled away from Holden. To ease the boy's embarrassment, Holden crouched down to pick up the one remaining intact egg from the barn floor.

Holding it up for Noah's inspection, he suggested, "breakfast?" They both laughed, and any awkwardness vanished. Later, Holden would realize that was the moment when Noah had begun to feel like his own son. A feeling that only grew over the years, and never left, even when Noah and Luke had broken up.


	43. Chapter 43

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: This picks up from the first scene of the previous chapter. Noah needs to talk to Holden alone, and has accompanied him to Snyder Farm to get the chance.

Thank you to AcadianProud and GypsyGrl77 for the kind reviews of the previous chapter. :)

* * *

_January 1, 2012 continued_

Noah walked into the kitchen carrying the eggs he'd gathered for Emma. She beamed in return, thrilled to have his presence at the farm. After taking the basket and setting it on the counter, Emma reached up to pull Noah down by his shoulders, until he was close enough for her to plant a big kiss on his cheek.

Noah's face warmed, and Emma pulled away so as not to embarrass him _too _much. She was surprised, however, when Noah leaned down and quickly pecked _her_ face in an answering show of fondness. Holden walked in just in time to witness the moment, plus Emma's surprised blush.

"She always was taken with you," Holden wisecracked.

"Holden!" Emma answered in mock exasperation. She affectionately patted Noah's cheek, then walked over to swat her son with the dish towel she was holding. Holden laughed while gathering his mother into his arms for a good-morning hug.

Watching this interaction between Luke's father and grandmother steeled Noah's resolve. Luke's whole family had never been anything but loving and accepting of him. No matter what Holden's reaction would be to what Noah needed to discuss with him, it would be given in a caring, thoughtful fashion. His logical brain told him he had no cause for concern. Noah just wished the butterflies in his stomach would get on the same page.

"Holden?"

Pulling out of his mother's embrace, Holden turned to Noah, anticipating he would continue. When that didn't happen, and Noah instead stood silently, seemingly searching for words, Holden answered, "What do you say to a morning walk?"

Noah let out the nervous breath he'd taken in. "Yeah - that would be great!"

Emma gave them a questioning look, but intuitively knew the men needed to talk. "I'll make you boys a proper breakfast so you can refuel when you get back!"

"Thanks, Mama," Holden replied, then led Noah out the door for their walk. Holden couldn't help but smile that at his age, his mother still called him a "boy". He supposed she always would. Now that most of his own boys (including Noah) were grown, he better understood this tendency. Holden imagined he would always think of his sons the same way, too.

Noah seemed to want to chart a particular path, so Holden let him lead the way, and walked beside him silently. He figured Noah would bring up what was on his mind when he was ready. Eventually, they approached the pond's edge, where Noah stopped, sitting on an old tree trunk lying there.

Holden took the spot beside him, and they sat awhile, each in thought. Holden wasn't too worried. While he knew something was weighing on Noah, he didn't sense that Noah was unhappy. Just… tentative.

"I always thought this would be _our_ place. Luke's and mine's," Noah began.

Holden didn't answer, knowing Noah only needed him to listen, not reply.

"The first time he brought me to the farm, we swam here. It was probably the most free I'd ever felt in my whole life. Even when it got late and we were shivering from being cold, I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to lose that feeling."

Knowing the oppression Noah had grown up in under Colonel Mayer's command, he could well imagine how it would've felt to the young man to finally have a moment free of it. It must have been like a godsend. For the millionth time, Holden's heart compressed a little at the bleakness of Noah's childhood.

Noah sighed, then continued. "Later, I accepted what it was that really gave me that freedom. Luke. Just being around him, spending time together - it was the only time I felt like I could really be myself."

Pausing to organize his thoughts, Noah realized he wasn't really getting to the point, and tried to at least inch closer to doing so.

"Now, I'm looking at this pond, and it's not the same. It's still special, but, it's different. It's not just ours anymore. _He's _here…"

Noah fell silent. He didn't know how to talk about this. Or rather, he didn't know how to talk about this and not be a horrible person.

Holden sensed his reticence. "It's ok, Noah. It's just us. However you feel, it's all right. It isn't bad or wrong, ok?"

Now, Noah gulped in a big breath. Holden knew him so well. Holden's understanding relaxed him, and allowed Noah to go on.

"I want you to know, I don't resent the baby. Not at all! I could never do that."

Holden rested a reassuring hand on Noah's shoulder. "I know that, son."

After a moment, Noah went on. "I'm just… afraid. What if it comes and I don't… I don't, _love _it enough? Like, as much as if it was biologically Luke's baby, or mine. Children can sense that! They can feel it if the people who are supposed to love them the most don't…"

Noah paused before adding his greatest fear. "What if I look at the baby and all I see is Reid? I've been reading a lot; if you're tense when you pick up a baby, the baby can feel it. What if I make it cry-"

"Noah. Stop," Holden interjected firmly. It was one thing to just listen as Noah talked. It was another to let him beat himself up over endless what-ifs. "I want you to listen to me now, son. I have some idea what you're going through. Damien and I have had more acrimony between us than you and Reid ever did, that I can tell you."

Noah nearly objected, until he realized Holden was right. Reid Oliver had been a lot of things, but even Noah had to concede that underneath the asshat exterior laid a good man. The same could not be said for Damien, who'd claimed to care about his family, but used them and lied to them time and again.

Noah was suddenly struck by the comparison between the two men. When Noah had first met Damien, he convincingly pretended to be a caring father, but his actions hurt Luke repeatedly. Conversely, Reid had worn the jerk persona effectively, but even to the very end, his actions saved lives, and revealed a compassion few would have suspected.

"Noah, despite my feelings about Damien, do you think I ever loved Luke any less?"

"No… of course not!" Noah was appalled if he'd even implied it. "I didn't mean that at all-"

"I know; I know that. What I'm saying is, when that baby comes, whatever complicated issues you have about its father won't matter. I promise," Holden vowed.

Noah desperately wanted to believe that. Still, Holden didn't raise him; Winston Mayer did. "I'm not you, Holden. What if I'm like my father?"

Holden shook his head. "The idea that _you_ could be _anything _like Colonel Mayer - Noah, that's impossible! Not in a million years could that ever happen."

He regarded Noah for a moment. "It's ok to be scared. Just don't let fear take over," Holden added.

Noah nodded quickly in agreement. "I won't. Been there, done that, lost the boyfriend," Noah replied with a tinge of black humor. "Not an experience I want to repeat."

Holden put his arm around Noah's shoulders, giving them a small squeeze. "So, are you ready to tell me what we're really talking about?"

Noah smiled at Holden's perception. The man did know him well; that was for sure. Knowing this was as brave as he was ever going to feel about broaching this subject, Noah proceeded.

"I wanted to talk to you today, because, well… I think you know how I feel about Luke. He means the world to me. Everything that's happened with the film, and the success that it's brought - none of that would mean anything to me if I couldn't share it with him. I want to share _everything_ with him."

Noah paused, determined to do this right. "Mr. Snyder," he continued, so formally Holden nearly chuckled, "I want to ask you for your son's hand in marriage. I love him with all my heart, and I hope we'll have your blessing-"

Noah's carefully prepared speech was cut short by the spontaneous hug Holden pulled him into. "Of course you do! It's about time!" Holden drew back to look Noah in the eye, hands still gripping his shoulders. "I couldn't be happier, Noah. All these years, I've thought of you as my own son. And this will make it official!"

Holden suddenly laughed, seemingly realizing what he'd said. "Of course, I'm happy for Luke, too!" At that, Noah laughed too, though a warmth quickly spread across his heart upon hearing that Holden considered Noah one of his own children. Noah tried to keep his eyes from welling up, but it was destined to be a losing battle. In response, Holden clenched him one more time, and couldn't help but notice that unlike the boy of years ago, this young man didn't tense, but simply returned the loving embrace.


	44. Chapter 44

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: This chapter begins with a reflection on the moment Luke answered Noah's proposal (at the end of Chapter 41). It jumps back and forth a bit as Luke continues to remember that day during another big moment for he and Noah.

_

* * *

_

_Oakdale - February 14, 2012 continued_

"_Luke Snyder, will you marry me?"_

As soon as the words left Noah's mouth, Luke catapulted forward into Noah's arms, uncaring that they both nearly toppled to the ground. Noah managed to both catch Luke with one arm, and steady himself with the other to prevent their collapse. When Luke locked his arms around Noah's neck tighter than ever before, the swell of feeling that burst inside him caused him to not just answer Noah's proposal, but to do so repeatedly.

"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. YES," Luke chanted emphatically, burying his face in the crook of Noah's neck to press his lips against Noah's pulse.

The family and friends surrounding them chuckled at Luke's enthusiasm, though none was surprised by it. More than a few of those gathered teared up at the emotional scene. After a moment, Noah lifted Luke just enough to sit him on the knee still perched at a right angle in proposal position. Luke was perplexed at the move, but then watched as Noah fished into his pocket.

Pulling out a small box, Noah opened it for Luke's inspection. He joked, "I'm really glad you said yes. I totally lost the receipt for this."

A crack like that normally would've earned Noah a playful jab to the shoulder, but Luke was far too mesmerized by the object Noah presented him with to notice. Inside the box lay a silver engagement band, embedded at the center with a square-cut diamond. Luke lifted the tasteful but exquisite ring from the box, and Noah whispered quietly, "There's an inscription."

Of course there was. Though Noah had come a long way in expressing his feelings aloud, it still didn't rank on his top-ten list of favorite pastimes. With this ring, he wanted to give Luke a tangible reminder of his love at all times.

Luke raised the band to read the engraving inside. One part of the circle read:

_Well worth the wait_

The inscription opposite that one read:

_Always my happy ending_

Luke wondered if a heart so full could literally spill over. He made to try the ring on, but Noah's hand stopped his own. "That's my job," Noah explained. Luke's heart clinched all the more as Noah gently took the ring, and held Luke's hand as he lovingly slid the band onto the appropriate finger. They both smiled at the shared realization that exactly like them, it was a perfect fit.

* * *

_Los Angeles - February 26, 2012_

Luke touched the band on his finger again, tracing it lightly, the same way he had every day for the two weeks it had lain there. Though he hadn't had the ring long, it was already essential to him, and he felt incomplete without it. Upon discovering Luke washing dishes while still wearing the ring, a panicked Noah had quickly reminded Luke to remove it for certain chores. Luke readily agreed, also not excited about the prospect of the symbol of their love ending up in a drain pipe.

Now, as they sat side by side in the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, Luke kept touching his engagement ring. In addition to doing so as a happy reminder of the day he received it, he was also beginning to develop the habit of stroking the silver band when he was nervous and sought comfort. Now certainly qualified.

For his part, Noah seemed outwardly calm, but each time he held his fiancée's hand, Luke knew better. Noah was just more practiced at keeping his emotions under wraps, a reflexive skill which had often backfired on him, but actually served as a useful tool in this particular situation. As the reading of Noah's category grew closer, Luke reached over to grasp his hand once more, finding it damp from anxious perspiration.

Onstage, the prize for Best Animated Film - Short Subject was being awarded. A French cartoon chronicling the journey of a lost poodle took the prize. Luke couldn't help but laugh at the wild outfit the winner sported, resplendent in a concoction of leather, taffeta, flowers, and a feathered boa. Good or bad, the French woman would definitely make headlines tomorrow.

"Hey - we're almost there," Luke leaned in to whisper reassuringly to his partner. Noah smiled, taking a deep breath to calm his inner turmoil. He squeezed Luke's hand in a show of appreciation for the support. Glancing at their joined hands, Luke's ring was still visible, spurring another memory of the day Noah gave it to him.

* * *

_Oakdale - February 14, 2012 continued_

After Noah placed the ring on Luke's finger, they were quickly deluged with embraces, kisses, and courtesy of both Casey and Kevin, congratulatory backslaps. Luke was amazed that Noah had thought to invite everyone who was anyone to them. Even Luke's friend Trevor was there with his new boyfriend, as well as Ben, who Luke had surprisingly come to like as much as Noah did.

After hanging back to let the out-of-town folks have first go at the boys, Holden eventually made his way to Luke. Good-naturedly, Luke leveled the accusation, "You knew about this!" Holden's returning smirk gave Luke his answer. In it, Luke read something more. "You _helped_ him, didn't you?"

The widening of Holden's smile was his answer in the affirmative. Luke took his father by the shoulders, and spoke with all the gratitude in his heart. "Thank you, Dad. Thank you for always standing by me, and for always supporting us. Thank you for _everything_."

As the two men embraced, Luke knew his father understood what he was saying. Holden had always had his back. Especially when Luke came out; while his other parents had pressured Luke to change who he was, it was Holden that was his rock. It was Holden that accepted and loved him for exactly who he was. That act had strengthened their already tight bond, and made this moment even more special for them both.

* * *

_Los Angeles - February 26, 2012 continued_

Luke was roused from the treasured reflection by applause for the next presenters. There was only one category to go before Noah's was read. The award for Best Live Action Short went to a drama telling the story of a female soldier returning home from overseas.

Two excited young men, the director and screenwriter, bounded towards the stage to accept the prize. Noah clenched Luke's hand a bit tighter, realizing his own category was next. In the meantime, the spiky-haired director thanked his friends and relatives, as well as the backers of the project.

Then the screenwriter took to the mike. Luke poked Noah in bemusement, remarking, "He looks kinda like you!" Noah amusedly nudged him with an elbow to shush during the guy's speech.

Luke resolved to behave, but that vow was broken when the writer thanked "all his fans." Luke snickered. At the raise of Noah's eyebrow, Luke snarkily explained, "I'm sorry, but seriously? How many adoring fans does a short-film screenwriter really have?"

As the speech continued, the man thanked his family, and a former co-star he called "the best acting partner and friend you could ask for." Luke had to admit that was nice, and realized the guy must be an actor, too. Noah confirmed it, whispering, "He's on that new cop show I've been trying to get you to watch."

Luke nodded. Inside, he was torn between wanting the speech-giver to wrap up, and wanting him to continue forever. Regarding Noah, Luke could tell he felt the same way, sensing his nerves about what was to come. Soon, the short film winners were escorted off stage, and the presenters announced the contenders for Best Documentary Feature.

Noah's stomach flipped as the nominees were announced, including his own film. He reached over to take Luke's other hand, so that he was now clasping them both. Noah calmed as he realized no matter what the result here, he had already won big-time.

"And the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature goes to…"


	45. Chapter 45

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When/where: Jumping back to Noah's second full day in Los Angeles, after leaving Oakdale following Reid's death

Thank you GypsyGrl77 and LailaPFE for the feedback!

* * *

_September 18, 2010 - Los Angeles_

Noah walked aimlessly through the streets of L.A., toting his laptop bag and lacking a destination. After spending a god-awful first day in town holed up in his modest apartment, Noah had resolved to go out today, if only to try and flee the whirlwind of recriminations that served as his thoughts. He was to meet with the grant committee about his film project in two days, and frankly, lacked the drive to even bother showing up.

Noah didn't know what was wrong with him, and why he couldn't shake himself out of this misery. Only 48 hours ago, he'd parted with Luke, and they were more than amicable. Their goodbyes were full of caring and camaraderie, and of course, full of love on Noah's part.

So Noah had left Oakdale feeling hopeful, only to arrive in Los Angeles and fall swiftly into depression. He was wracked with worry, realizing the upbeat face Luke had worn with him must have been an act. Noah regretted even coming here; he suddenly felt indifference for his project, and no passion for his dream.

That scared him. From the time he'd discovered what films were, Noah had wanted to make them. Now, he didn't even give enough of a damn to meet with the people who were funding his.

Noah felt like over time, pieces of his identity had been breaking off one by one, and eventually, he would be left with nothing. Maybe that had already happened. Noah had pushed Luke away, and into the arms of another man. And after repeated betrayals, Noah barely considered Winston Mayer his father anymore. Finally, Noah no longer cared about his own film

If Noah wasn't Luke's boyfriend, Winston's son, or even an aspiring filmmaker, just who the hell was he? Maybe he _was_ nothing. He certainly _felt_ like nothing.

What could he do with himself like this? What good could he possibly be to anyone? For the first time in a long time, Noah thought maybe it would have been better if he had never survived that damned fireworks accident.

When he'd had such thoughts before, he'd quickly squashed them, knowing he would never wish Luke the kind of pain his boyfriend would've felt had Noah died that day. Now, though, Noah let the thought settle into his mind. After all, in the end, Luke hadn't been spared the trauma of losing his boyfriend, anyway.

The only difference was the boyfriend in question. Had Noah died, Luke still would've grieved, but Reid Oliver would be safe in Texas, scaring nurses and fixing brains. Instead, Noah lived, but because of that, Reid was brought to Oakdale, where _he_ ultimately died.

That was surely what made this all the more unbearable. If Noah had died and Reid had lived, lives would be saved because of it. But because Noah survived and Reid died, countless people who only Reid could help would suffer. And what did Noah have to offer the world as payment for this inequitable trade-off?

Nothing. That was the heart of the problem. How could he walk into this meeting on Monday morning, and show excitement for a project he now felt nothing for?

Noah knew he should be grateful for the opportunity he'd earned. One others would jump at the chance to have. But it felt like Noah's own dreams had died right along with Reid Oliver.

He just didn't see the _point_ of his own work anymore. How could creating even a great film make up for the lives that wouldn't be saved because Reid was gone? And how could Noah forget that Reid was dead because the guy had come to Oakdale to treat _him_?

These dark thoughts tortured Noah as he kept walking, not even remotely aware of where he was headed. He had long since left the tourist area he'd begun in. When and if he snapped out of his morose reflections, Noah would realize he had no idea where the hell he was.

Oblivious to all around him, however, Noah continued on. Perhaps the part of his brain controlling his movements thought if only he could walk far enough, he could escape the regrets that haunted him. Noah may have wandered indefinitely, but instead was halted when he accidentally bumped into a woman who had stopped in front of him.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry, excuse me…," Noah offered clumsily, feeling even more of a tool for not watching where he was going.

"It's all right," the kind middle-aged woman replied. "I can see you're pretty deep in thought. That happens to me sometimes! Just be careful of the traffic; the cars don't always watch where they're going, either!"

Noah thanked the lady for her understanding. She smiled, then left to cross the street and carry on to her destination. Now left alone, Noah looked around, trying to determine where he might be, then deciding it didn't matter much, anyway.

Spotting a bus shelter nearby, Noah made his way to the bench there. Since he was a danger of sorts to other pedestrians, Noah decided he might as well ride the bus. As he approached the shelter, though, the large public-service advertisement plastered across its wall shook him to the core.

Its tagline read: _Donate Life_. At first, Noah was angry, thinking the universe was laughing at him. It was reminding him that the one who _had _donated life, and who'd _saved _lives, was dead, while Noah, who was useless, survived.

Soon, though, Noah's attention was drawn by the photo of a seemingly carefree little girl, joyously jumping with a hula hoop. The quote beside her read: "I love to read and play, and I really love to dance. My kidney transplant let me do that." The caption underneath read: _Read Mia's story at donatelife(dot)net_.

Noah had to sit down on the bench to collect his thoughts. Suddenly, they were no longer wrapped in self-pity and despair. At the words "kidney transplant", his mind had gone straight to Luke. And like Luke, this child had been saved.

Saved because someone cared enough to give of themselves. Noah could feel the stirrings of an idea as he opened his laptop. He quickly typed in the web address of the organ donation site, and read about little Mia's journey of survival. Then he clicked onto "Stories of Hope", and read of more grateful organ recipients, including a young mother who'd received a heart and survived to raise her son.

Noah felt like he'd been hit in the solar plexus upon discovering the story of a fifty-year old man who'd been blinded in an explosion at the age of 20. The similarity to his own accident was stunning, but even more so was the fact the man, Jim, had been blind for thirty years before a cornea transplant restored his vision. After his successful surgery, Jim was able to see his own children for the first time.

Noah tried to wrap his mind around this man's courage, and failed. Though like Noah, Jim had been blinded at a young age, he hadn't let it stop him from living. While Noah had effectively shut down after being blinded, Jim had thrived, marrying and starting a family despite his disability.

Why couldn't Noah have dealt with his condition like that? Why couldn't he have been stronger, and resolved to live a happy life with Luke, no matter how difficult learning to live as a blind man would have been? He was grateful to have his sight back, but the reasons he'd wanted it so badly - his love of filmmaking, and especially his love of Luke - had seemingly slipped from his grasp.

While Luke had been relieved just that Noah survived, and more than willing to accept Noah's blindness as a part of their lives together, Noah couldn't do it. He was beginning to understand now how much his inability to live sightless was driven by fear. In the time they'd been together, their lives had been nothing short of crazy.

Luke had been attacked by Noah's father. They both had been beaten by homophobic frat boys, though Noah took the worst of it to shield Luke. Later, Luke had been been run down by a car.

They had also both had been kidnapped by Zac and Zoey. Luke had nearly been sexually assaulted by the crazed woman, too; luckily, Noah's intervention stopped her. Another time, Luke stepped in to stop an attack on Damien, and Noah had been forced to shoot the assailant to protect Luke.

In light of the danger they seemed to find themselves in all too regularly, how could a blind Noah be any good to Luke? If some crazy relative or enemy of Damien's popped up, or some hate-filled bigot attacked Luke, how could a sightless Noah do anything to save him? Noah had justified his all-consuming need to see again both to himself and to Luke, saying it was the only way he could make films.

While that was true, it was also secondary. Noah was afraid of not knowing what he could make of himself if he couldn't be a filmmaker, especially feeling that as a blind man, his other options were limited. But Noah's obsession with getting his sight back sprung mostly from his terror that if something happened to Luke, he would be powerless to help his boyfriend. Therefore, in Noah's view, accepting his own blindness had not been an option.

Surprisingly, these realizations didn't weigh Noah down, but seemed to free him. Jim's story had made Noah see himself more clearly. Though moments before, Noah had felt useless, he now realized he didn't have to _be _useless. Instead of sulking that he didn't have the worth of a renowned surgeon who'd put brains (and lives) back together, Noah could be like Jim. He could think about what _he _had the capacity to offer others, whatever his limitations.

As a bus pulled up to the corner, Noah paid the fare and boarded it. He sat down, opened a new document on his laptop, and began to type. When he finally got home, Noah continued to research organ donation and work on his _new _project proposal.

He had no way to know how the grant committee would react. It was unlikely anyone who'd ever received the grant for one proposal tried to pull that project, and offer another instead. It didn't matter; Noah's mind was made up.

If the committee wouldn't back his new vision, he would suck it up, get to work, and find someone who would. Whatever happened, Noah knew now that he was making _this _movie. His heart lifted as he realized, not only was his passion for filmmaking back, but he now had _purpose_. It felt amazing.

* * *

Additional note: the organ donation site and stories mentioned here are real, though the names have been changed.


	46. Chapter 46

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Sort of picks up from the last chapter. It's two days later, and Noah meets with the grant committee. Then, we jump forward in time, to continue with Oscar night 2012.

* * *

_September 20, 2010 - Los Angeles_

"… a mother receives a new lease on life, and the chance to raise her son… a little girl is given the chance to run and play… and a man sees his children for the first time. All because of the sacrifice, humanity, and love of another person. A gift that truly comes 'from the heart'. Thank you."

Upon finishing his presentation, Noah stood before the stupefied grant committee, awaiting their verdict on the project switch. He fully expected to be sent packing after pulling such a stunt. Somehow, though, that fact had made him lack the nerves he would've expected. Instead, feeling there was no chance he'd retain the committee's backing, he used the meeting as an opportunity to perfect the pitch he'd need to seek funding elsewhere. Consequently, having nothing to lose, Noah had spoken with assurance and passion about the merits of his new project.

After a few silent moments in which all gathered around the conference room table simply stared at him, the committee head finally addressed Noah. "The film proposal we awarded the grant to was a drama, not a documentary." While the words themselves seemed to indicate a refusal, Noah detected something considering in the man's tone. Almost like the guy was actually mulling that the committee allow the change.

Sensing this, Noah reacted like a shark who smelled a sole drop of blood, immediately setting off in pursuit of its prey. "That's true, but I firmly believe _this_ film will be even better, and without a doubt, much more dramatic, because these lives are _real_."Going in for the rhetorical kill Noah added, "the other movie could engage people; even move them. But this film will do all that, plus _save lives_. For me, there's no contest."

Pausing, knowing his next words would likely either win him the green light, or get him thrown out on his ass, Noah added, "I appreciate your time, and the fact that you believed in my talent enough to award me the grant in the first place. That vote of confidence means the world to me, and whatever you decide today won't change that. In return, complete honesty is the least I owe you, so I'll give you that now. No matter what your decision today, _this _is the film I'm making."

Heads around the table traded looks at the young man's gall, but Noah continued, "I understand if you choose not to support it, though I very much hope you will. But if you don't, I'll start pounding the pavement to find investors who will, and I _will _find them. So I'll just step outside now and wait for your decision. Thank you."

Noah acknowledged the committee with a brief nod, abruptly turned on his heel, and strode out the door. As he dropped into a waiting room chair, a small smile of disbelief crept onto his face. _Did I just do that? _Noah couldn't remember _ever _having spoken to a group of authority figures like that in his life. He almost wanted to burst out in laughter at his own audacious behavior.

He had basically demanded the committee fund him or lose him to someone else. As if he was Martin Freaking Scorsese. Noah couldn't help the chuckle that emerged at that thought, but endeavored to snicker as quietly as possible. He just couldn't believe he'd acted like he was God's gift to filmmaking.

And then it hit him - he'd just pulled a _Reid Oliver_. Strangely, this didn't upset him; somehow, it only exacerbated the hilarity. Noah made his way down the hallway and into the men's room, to let his laughter out unrestrained. He chalked it up to nerves finally hitting him after the gambit he'd pulled.

When Noah returned to the waiting room, he was surprised to find the conference room door open, and one of the committee members apparently awaiting his return.

"Oh, I'm sorry - I stepped out for a moment," Noah offered in explanation.

"That's all right," the woman replied. "We just thought you may have already started pounding the pavement in your impatience to get started. We've arrived at a decision, if you'd like to rejoin us."

Without pausing for his answer, the woman disappeared back into the conference room. Noah followed, thinking that at least they were kind enough to let him down quickly. He suspected they felt he'd wasted their time. Still, he smiled as he entered the room. He truly wanted to convey his gratitude for the opportunity they'd given him, despite the fact that it was clearly over now.

Noah walked to the spot at the end of the table where he'd stood to give his pitch. The chair had been returned there, and the committee head indicated that Noah take it. Noah wondered why he would need to sit for a brief rejection, but he tried to quash the hopeful bubble that began to form in his gut.

The committee head began to speak. "In all the years this committee has supported the work of promising young filmmakers, we have never encountered an incident such as this." Oh; so that answered _that _question. Also, the older man's use of the word _incident _didn't exactly sound promising. Noah now assumed they'd had him sit to better take in the sting of rejection.

"Never has a grant applicant pulled such an audacious bait-and-switch," the man continued in a critical tone." Noah was torn between the urge to cringe at that label for new proposal, and the compulsion to laugh that the committee had also come up with the term _audacious _to describe Noah's actions. Ultimately, he determined that keeping his mouth shut for now would be the best possible choice.

The head of the committee paused in his censure to gauge Noah's reaction. Seeing this steeled Noah's resolve _not _to react. It wouldn't help to show weakness now, after he'd preached the certainty of his reasoning before.

Finally, the older man spoke again. "Be that as it may, it is our duty to carefully take into account the new proposal before deciding to withdraw funding, and award the grant to the runner-up applicant. And we have carried out that duty by giving your presentation the consideration it was due."

Five minutes didn't seem like much to Noah, so he could well imagine the committee felt his proposal wasn't due any consideration at all. Still, the guy was right. It was Noah who'd changed the game on them; the committee was blameless for deciding to go with another filmmaker.

"After discussing it, we have decided to transfer our support," the man continued. Though Noah's heart gave a significant twinge of disappointment, he prepared to thank the committee a final time. Instead, he was delayed by the next words he heard. "We are pulling the funding from your previous project, and using it to fully back your new proposal - _From the Heart_."

Noah blinked. Then, blinked again. For the span of a few moments, he was simply frozen. He couldn't process what had just occurred. Observing this, the head of the committee, sitting at the opposite end of the long table, stood. Incredibly, the man smiled, and began to clap. As Noah watched in amazement, the entire committee followed suit.

The impossible scene jolted Noah back to life. He began shaking hands with each and every committee member, thanking them for their trust and support. When he reached the gentleman who'd delivered the news, the guy clapped him on the back as he vigorously shook Noah's hand.

"You've got balls, kid - I'll give you that," he said in amused approval. "You remind me of myself! When I was your age, I came to this town just as sure of myself as you are. And it was entirely warranted, I'll have you know."

Noah _did _know. The guy was a big-time producer, and reportedly helmed this grant committee as a way to encourage new talent. Noah wasn't about to correct the man now, and tell him how sure of himself Noah _wasn't_.

It was the project he was certain of. And now, Noah wasn't going to have to spend an indeterminate amount of time trying to acquire backers for it. He could get started right away! In his excitement, Noah's first impulse upon leaving the meeting was to call Luke. Immediately, of course, he realized he couldn't do that. Not yet, anyway. He just hoped that one day soon, he could share his plans with the person who meant the most to him.

* * *

_February 26, 2012 - Oakdale_

At Snyder Farm, the family gathered around the television, eagerly awaiting the announcement of the Academy Award for Noah's category. The mood was festive; Natalie had insisted upon popcorn for everyone. Even Lucinda accepted when offered, though likely just to make her granddaughter smile. John was more than willing to step in, and consume most of her popcorn, as well as his own.

Faith emitted "oohs" and "aahs" over the red carpet fashions, while a bored Ethan rested his head in his mother's lap. Holden wondered aloud how it could take so long to give out a handful of trophies, while Lily assuredly chided him that there _should _be a great deal of ceremony, since their Noah would absolutely be winning his Oscar tonight. Taking in the scene before her, Emma felt her heart warm.

For once, it seemed her whole family was content. A recovered Meg had reunited with Eliza, and accepted Aaron's offer to stay with him, giving her a fresh start away from Oakdale. And Luke and Noah were _finally _engaged, and soon to be married. Add to that Holden's happiness with Lily and their children, and Emma sent a silent prayer of thanks that her loved ones were both happy and healthy.

The family laughed when during the short film award, Ethan perked up to shout "Noah!" as the screenwriter took to the microphone. Holden corrected his boy, explaining that the man simply resembled Noah. Yet he had to hand it to Ethan; the guy really looked a lot like Noah.

Holden hoped this was a good omen. While he pretended to grumble about the overblown proceedings, the truth was, Holden was extremely nervous for his son. He knew that Noah would be fine, no matter what the result, and that he was already living his dream in having the opportunity to make movies.

Still, Holden wanted that Oscar for Noah. Probably more than Noah did for himself. The boy had come through so much, and fought so hard to become the man he was today. Noah had somehow found the courage to put the pieces of his life back together, and come out stronger and better for it. Holden was unendingly proud of him, and wanted Noah to experience the recognition of his peers, understanding what that would mean to him.

As much as the ceremony had dragged thus far, all at once it was time to bestow the Best Documentary Feature prize. The entire family tensed, and gripped hands as the nominees were read by the presenters. "Ken Burns - _Knute Rockne_…Lisa Lax and Nancy Stern - _RISE_…" There was great commotion in the Snyder living room as the camera next went to a shot of Luke and Noah, their own hands entwined, looking relatively collected in light of the gravity of the moment.

"Noah Mayer - _From the Heart_… Michael Moore - _Coffee with the Tea Party_… Morgan Spurlock - _The Greatest Movie Ever Sold_." While it took mere moments for the actress presenting the award to open the envelope, to the Snyders, it felt like hours. Finally, she displayed the card to her co-presenter, then continued, "And the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature goes to…" After a dramatic pause, the woman continued, "Noah Mayer - _From the Heart_!"


	47. Chapter 47

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues briefly from the previous chapter, when Noah is announced as the Academy Award winner. Then, we flash back to a specific time in Noah's distant past.

Thanks you GypsyGrl77 for the kind review of the previous chapter. :)

* * *

_February 26, 2012_

When Noah's name was called, he didn't move to rise from his chair. He _couldn't _move. Instead, his awareness of the moment slipped away, as his conscious thought abandoned his present to zip an impromptu road trip to a summer long past.

* * *

_Summer, 1994_

He was five years old. They had lived on this particular base since the previous fall. While the Colonel was at work, Noah spent his days playing outside, alone, while Mrs. Garrison, his disinterested babysitter, watched her talk shows in the living room. Not bothering to watch Noah at all.

The kindly lady next door, though, had always paid Noah special attention since she and her husband had moved in last year, shortly after the Mayers' own arrival. The Allens had no children, and though Mrs. Allen was usually busy at her job, the young woman loved doting on Noah in what little free time she possessed. She had even told him once he could call her "Kate".

When Winston arrived home that particular evening, Noah had excitedly told his father how "Kate" had let him help in her garden. In return, he'd received a sound whack to his bottom courtesy of the Colonel's belt, both for improperly addressing an elder, and for pestering his neighbors in the first place. After that, Noah still spoke to Mrs. Allen, but stayed firmly in his own yard, and never addressed her by her first name again.

Yet, while he knew he'd done wrong, thanks to his dad, Noah soon realized that his father only got upset if he _acted _improperly. But Noah could envision anything he wanted to in his head, and his father couldn't see it. So Noah's imagination became his refuge, where he allowed himself to dream the things he wished were real.

His fondest fantasy was that Mrs. Allen - Kate - was his mother. When she would approach the fence between them with a freshly baked cookie, the M & M's placed strategically in a smiley face just for him, Noah would thank her politely, never forgetting his ma'ams or his manners. But in his mind, he would pretend he'd said "thank you, Mommy."

In Noah's mind, he imagined he'd helped her bake the cookies. He envisioned them in the kitchen together - the Mayer kitchen, since his father never would have let him go inside the neighbors' home. Noah pictured Kate showing him how to mix the ingredients (though he hadn't a clue about what ingredients were needed). He imagined his "mommy" telling him that he'd done a wonderful job, and that he was a good boy, and that she loved him very much.

When Noah would get ready to sleep at night, he would read himself a bedtime story. But he always pretended it was his "mother", Kate, who was reading. He imagined that she tucked him into the covers, and sat in a chair by his bed until he fell asleep, making sure nothing scary could come near him.

Because he was so young, the actual logistics of things didn't come into play for Noah. He never pretended that Kate lived with them, or that she was married to Winston. It simply didn't occur to him these things would logically be in place if Kate was Noah's mother, so they didn't enter his fantasies. In truth, Noah still had little idea about how a family came to be.

He simply knew that other kids had mothers, and he didn't. He would see children with their mothers in the grocery store, or from the window of the car as they passed by the playground on base. Noah hadn't actually been to the playground. Winston had no interest, and when he asked his babysitter to take him, Noah was rewarded with a backhand, so he didn't ask again.

Noah knew his "mommy" would have taken him, if he'd been allowed to ask. Since he knew he wasn't, he simply imagined that they'd gone. He filled his head with pictures of a smiling Kate pushing him on a swing, and Noah laughing like the children he'd seen playing there.

His daydream was almost as good as actually getting to go. And Noah knew he was a lucky boy; his father reminded him all the time. Even though he didn't _really _have a mother, Noah had his father. Sometimes he worried that his father didn't love him, but one day, he found out otherwise.

Winston came home early, just in time to see the babysitter smack Noah for asking for a glass of water during her show. Noah had seen his father angry before when Noah had done something wrong, but he had never seen the Colonel _this _angry. Winston stormed over to the couch, pulled the woman up by her elbow, and promptly dragged her out of their house.

Since his father only got mad when someone did something bad, Noah knew that the babysitter must have been _very_ bad. Noah felt awful when he heard her getting yelled at, but he couldn't help but to be glad when she left. She had always scared him.

When his father came back inside their house, even though Noah was frightened that _he _was in trouble, too, he made sure not to cry, just like his dad taught him. Winston regarded Noah for a moment, then seemed to make a decision. "We're going out."

Just like that, his father turned and headed for the car. Noah knew to follow and not ask questions. He wondered where they were going, and still worried that he might be in trouble, but sat quietly and just waited for whatever was to come.

Was he in trouble for making the babysitter angry? Did _he _make his father angry? Was Noah being sent away? It took everything in him not to cry now, but he knew that would only get him in more trouble.

Noah was both stunned and confused when the car pulled into the parking lot of a movie theater. He'd never been to one before, but he had some idea what they were. When he was permitted to watch television with the Colonel, Noah mostly perked up at the commercials showing snippets of various stories, announcing they were coming "to a theater near you." So upon spying the posters showing the films he'd seen commercials for, Noah understood they must be at a theater, though he remained at a loss as to why.

As his father walked purposely towards the entrance, Noah's short legs took double-steps to keep up. His father didn't _seem_ angry anymore, and Noah almost dared to hope that they might actually be going to watch one of the stories he'd seen in the commercials. This was confirmed when they came to a counter with a lady behind a glass window, and the Colonel commanded Noah to choose which movie they would see.

At first, Noah stared dumbly at his father. He was almost never asked to make a decision. He suddenly felt the weight of a big responsibility on his shoulders, and was frightened to pick incorrectly.

Still, Noah was more scared that his failure to answer would make his father angry again, so he quickly looked at the posters, and pointed to the first one that caught his attention. _The Lion King. _Noah immediately felt he had chosen wrong; he wasn't permitted to watch cartoons at home, so why couldn't he have remembered that before he said anything? Now his father would think he was deliberately disobeying.

Much to his surprise, however, the Colonel just shrugged his shoulders, ordered the movie Noah chose, and paid for their tickets. He then led Noah a second counter, which housed glass cases full of candy. Winston ordered popcorn and root beers for them both, then indicated the glass case, and again, told Noah to choose.

This time, Noah didn't hesitate, and chose a crunch bar, something he'd had once at his aunt's house on Christmas. Noah had decided on this particular day, the Colonel seemed to value speed over accuracy. Sometimes it was confusing, because other days, his dad would scold him for rushing, and sternly tell Noah it's not worth doing something unless he took the time to do it right.

Now, though, the Colonel nodded approvingly at Noah's speedy decision-making. He handed his son the treasured candy bar (only the second of Noah's lifetime). Then he led them to the correct theater for their film.

Upon walking into the giant room, Noah almost forgot to keep up with his father. He'd never seen such a sight! The ceiling was so high, even a fireman's ladder probably couldn't have reached the top.

The crowning glory of the place, though, was the giant white wall. After a few moments of gaping, Noah realized it must be the television that they showed the movie on. But how could a TV be so big?

The Colonel chose a spot for them towards the back of the theater, and Noah took his seat beside his father. There were many other children in attendance, hopping up and down in their chairs, expending restless energy while awaiting the start of the film. Noah noted that several, like himself, only had their fathers with them. He wondered if like him, they didn't have mothers, either.

One especially boisterous child tried to engage Noah in a game of tag. He politely declined, and the girl promptly sought other, less solemn companionship. Noah sat up even straighter in his chair, feeling it was especially important to behave in this unprecedented situation.

When the previews began, Noah was amazed at the size and volume of the pictures he saw. And once the film itself played out, Noah couldn't have been moved from the spot. He was utterly transfixed by the story, visuals, and sheer scope of what he was seeing. It was, to his five-year-old brain, overwhelming.

When the film concluded, Noah awoke from the trancelike state he'd been suspended in while watching the movie. He realized he hadn't touched any of the refreshments, not even his treasured candy bar. Noah looked up at his father, hoping he had liked the movie, so that there might be a chance they would to come to the theater again.

Winston was looking down at Noah, smiling. Unsure, Noah smiled back tentatively, continuing to sit quietly as the other, fidgety children in attendance burst up from their own seats with bottled-up energy. The Colonel placed a hand to Noah's shoulder, giving it a squeeze, then led him back outside.

At the car, Winston didn't immediately unlock the doors. Instead, he put a hand on Noah's shoulder once again. "I'm proud of you, son. You were a real man today. Mrs. Garrison had no right to hit you, but you stood strong. You didn't cry or show fear. That's the kind of man I'm proud to call my son."

He patted Noah's shoulder, then unlocked the door so Noah could climb in the back of the car. Noah's heart soared. His father _did _love him!

The Colonel climbed into the car, and started the engine. He moved the rearview mirror so that he could see Noah, and said, "Mrs. Garrison will not be sitting for you anymore. Or anyone else on base, if I have anything to say about it. And Noah," his father continued. "If an adult _ever _tries to hit you again, I want you to tell me right away. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," came the obedient reply.

"Good," Winston replied.

After that day, things were much different for Noah. The next morning, Winston enrolled him in the base's child care center, where he spent the rest of his summer days while his dad was working. Noah was thrilled; he finally got to experience that playground he'd dreamed about. Unfortunately, not with Kate.

One day a few weeks later, Mrs. Allen approached the fence between their two yards. She told Noah that her husband had been transferred to another base, and they were moving away. It was good that Noah had learned from his father that men don't cry, or he would have done.

Still, there had been a silver lining. The Allens had decided to ease their move by holding a yard sale, since every item they could part with would be one last thing they'd have to transport. Noah's father not only allowed him to go next door and check out the items on offer; he accompanied him.

In the midst of various household items, clothing articles, and assorted doo-dads, Noah spotted it. An entire _boxful _of movies on videotape. He carefully picked up each video, staring at the black-and-white pictures on the covers, and imagining the stories contained within.

Noticing his interest, Winston questioned Noah. "What do we have here?"

Noah responded quietly, unsure whether his father would disapprove. "Movies."

The Colonel picked up a video from the box. _It's a Wonderful Life_. He rifled through more selections in the box, then addressed Mrs. Allen. "These are all old movies. _Sergeant York_. _Yankee Doodle Dandy_. They don't make films with the right kind of values anymore. I'm surprised someone your age would own these."

"They were my grandfather's. I kept them for sentiment, I guess, but we never get the chance to watch them. It would be nice if someone could enjoy them," Mrs. Allen concluded.

Winston regarded Noah, still staring at the box's contents. "We'll take them."

"The whole box?" Mrs. Allen asked, surprised.

"The whole box," the Colonel confirmed.

Noah looked on in amazement. He wondered if he would be allowed to watch any of the movies with his father, but was afraid to ask. When they returned home, however, Winston set the box down on the kitchen table, and prompted Noah. "Which one?"

Noah's face relaxed into the biggest smile his father had probably ever seen from his son. He quickly chose a video from the top, handing it to the Colonel.

"_Young Mr. Lincoln _it is." Noah's dad carried the movie into the living room, popping it into the VCR. He sat in his recliner, while Noah took a seat on the couch, and together, they watched the film.

For the rest of that summer, Noah's days were spent at the day care center. Even though he was shy, and didn't speak very much with the other children, he still enjoyed being around other kids. He liked watching their interactions, and sometimes fantasized that he was part of the group, too.

In the evenings, Noah's father would often let him watch a film from the box. Sometimes, Winston would even join him. Noah's love of movies was born that summer, never to recede.

Better still, Noah had discovered how to make his father love him. He knew now that what he needed to do was follow his father's example, and be a strong man that Winston could be proud of. So Noah was careful to never complain, or misbehave.

If Noah was scared, he made sure not to show it. If he was sad, he absolutely did not cry. If he wished he had a mother, he never breathed a word about it. In short, he became as close to the ideal son for Winston as was humanly possible.

In return, Noah's father continued to be more attentive. He began setting aside time to spend with Noah, taking him fishing, hiking, or sometimes even back to the movie theater. It was true that Noah had to keep some things about himself hidden. If he was interested in anything Winston would deem feminine, he never let on.

Noah's young mind began to label what was acceptable to the Colonel as "good", and everything else as "bad". He was too young to realize that years later, this would place himself squarely in the "bad" category. At the time, the only thing that Noah cared about was that if he continued to behave as the Colonel wished him to, then his father would continue to love him.

Noah was the happiest he'd ever been.


	48. Chapter 48

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Picks up from the end of Chapter 46/beginning of Chapter 47 - when Noah's name has just been announced as the Academy Award winner

Thank you to GypsyGrl77 and Not An Infant for the kind comments on the last chapter. Not An Infant, I believe you asked for "what noah does in the present" next. Here you go. :)

* * *

_February 26, 2012 - Oakdale_

The living room at the farm shot from breathless anticipation to rampant pandemonium in one second flat. When Noah's name was announced as the Academy Award winner, screams of exultation overtook the room. Lily immediately broke down into tears of joy, and Faith and Natalie high-fived. While not understanding exactly what was happening, Ethan was swept up with the excitement of the moment, and chose to jump up and down as his outlet.

More understated celebrations came from the rest of the family. John, seeing the obvious pride on Lucinda's face, leant in for an enthusiastic kiss to her cheek, prompting her to playfully smack his shoulder. A damp-eyed Emma embraced Lily.

Possibly the proudest person in the room, Holden reacted the least visibly. He ran his hand over his face, as if to hide his expression. Quickly, though, he felt the emotion welling up, and balled his hand into a fist, placing it against his mouth to physically hold in any hint of a sob.

Lily noticed, though. She moved to sit beside him on the couch as they watched Noah on the screen. The couple shared a look of unadulterated pride in the boy who'd come so far. "He did it, Holden," Lily said happily, a fresh round of tears emerging.

"Yes, he did," Holden answered simply, beaming with pride.

* * *

_February 26, 2012 - Los Angeles_

The memory of that significant summer past flashed through Noah's brain in an instant, and he was brought back to the present by the crush of Luke's arms around him.

"Oh my God, bubby! You did it!"

Noah clinched Luke tightly. He was in shock; they didn't just call _his_ name, did they? They couldn't have.

Except that they did, and Luke was bodily pulling him up from his chair, crying and laughing and reminding him to take the stage. Noah released Luke and stepped into the aisle. Suddenly, though, he turned back to Luke, to take Luke's face in his hands, and plant an emphatic kiss on his fiancée's lips.

The audience whooped, causing Luke's face to redden. For his part, though, that contact with Luke gave Noah the boost of confidence he needed. After all, even if he flubbed his acceptance speech completely, he would still be going home with Luke. Nothing could compare to that.

Noah bounded to the stage, quickly shaking hands with one presenter, then pecking the cheek of the other as she handed him his Oscar. Stepping to the microphone, Noah took in the scene before him. He wanted to remember the sights and sounds of this occasion.

As he regarded the smiling faces of the celebrated crowd before him, though, his eyes were inevitably drawn back to Luke. Noah smiled at the realization. For him, _everything_ always came back to Luke. Their eyes met in a look of understanding that encompassed all that they'd been through, and all that would come.

"There are so many people to thank in a moment like this," Noah began. Not expecting to win, Noah hadn't prepared much in the way of remarks, save some names written down on an index card. Still, having Luke there made him surprisingly unconcerned about mostly winging it.

"Nobody stands where I'm standing now by going it alone. Firstly, I want to sincerely thank the Academy for recognizing this film. All of us who worked on this project appreciate it so much."

Noah continued, "Next, I need to thank Hal Golden and his committee for backing this film, even though it's not remotely the project I promised them." In his seat, Golden chuckled, but his chest puffed with pride. Convincing his committee to take a gamble on this brash young filmmaker had paid off, big-time.

"And of course, a big thank you goes to each and every person who worked on this film. Especially Ben, for his unwavering commitment to excellence in both filmmaking, and karaoke." The crowd laughed, while Ben wagged a finger at Noah from his seat in the auditorium.

"Thanks to the whole crew - you guys are the best. Rob, Emily, John, Tim, Kate, George - I know putting up with me wasn't a walk in the park, but it turned out pretty good, right?" Noah joked.

Turning serious, Noah continued, "I can't let this chance go by without thanking every family who shared their very personal stories with us. If not for you, this film wouldn't exist. More importantly, if not for your courage, the lives that were saved may not have been. You are some of the most incredible people I've ever met, and it's an honor to know you. So from the bottom of _my _heart - thank you."

The audience applauded this sentiment. Noah spied the flashing clock, indicating he was nearing the halfway point in his allotted time. Once again, his eyes met Luke's.

"I also want to thank the late Dr. Reid Oliver. A few years ago, I was blinded in an accident. I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to make movies. But Dr. Oliver pioneered a new surgery and restored my sight, which has allowed me to follow my dreams. Additionally, the story of his own sacrifice helped to inspire this film."

Luke smiled approvingly, knowing that such a dedication couldn't have been easy for Noah.

"Finally, I want to thank my friends and family." For the first time, Noah looked down at the award in his hand, then went on. "If not for you, I wouldn't be here - no question."

Noah paused, thinking carefully about his words now. "I didn't know my mother, but I'd like to thank her for bringing me into the world. I hope she can see this now, and be proud."

Noah hesitated again, not sure he wanted to address the other elephant in the room. Still, this was the moment he'd dreamt of since childhood. For some reason, he wanted it to include everything that had been important in his life.

And it wasn't like the people gathered didn't know about Noah's past. Within a week of Noah's film becoming the talk of the town, his father's exploits had been dug up and plastered throughout various tabloids for sport. The revelation that the man who Noah's father had tried to kill was still with Noah, however, instantly caused Tinseltown to fall for the story of the star-crossed lovers.

The pair was routinely invited to walk the red carpet for various premieres, most of which they politely declined. Their reluctance to participate in the glitzier side of Hollywood helped them to fall somewhat off the radar. They'd enjoyed the winter together mostly out of the limelight.

Now, Noah had concerns about bringing attention to someone else. He ultimately decided, however, that he needed to do this. Despite everything, it felt wrong to let this moment pass without acknowledging the man who raised him.

"Thank you to Winston Mayer." Noah's eyes shot back to Luke, worried that this wouldn't be okay with him. In return, the gaze he received was one of encouragement and love. Luke knew him through and through. Of course he would understand why Noah had to do this.

"Though so much between us is broken, I haven't forgotten who brought films into my life. That allowed me to dream, and to start on the path that brought me here today." Relieved to have that out of the way, Noah continued. "For a long time, I felt alone in the world. I _was _alone." Noah's previously somber face lifted at his next words. "But not anymore, because I have the best family a guy could ask for. I want to thank my amazing grandmothers, Emma Snyder and Lucinda Walsh. Thank you to my brothers and sisters, too - now, go to bed, guys!"

The crowd laughed once more, while Noah took a breath in an effort to stay composed. "If you're really lucky in life, you're born into a great family. If you're even luckier, one finds you, takes you in, and makes you one of their own." Noah swallowed hard. "Holden and Lily Snyder - thank you. For every reason you know about, and a thousand more you don't. Your support and love means the world to me." Looking directly at the camera, Noah added, "I love you guys."

As Noah's heartfelt words stirred the audience, his attention went back to the man who'd truly made it all possible. "Luke Snyder." In the audience, Luke was transfixed by the blinding smile Noah gave him from across the room. Suddenly, to both of them, it felt like everyone else disappeared, and they were alone.

"If there are words that could totally describe what you mean to me, I don't know what they are. I don't have any words big enough to cover it all. Being the brilliant writer you are, maybe you can invent them for me."

Luke's heart warmed, both at Noah's sentiment, and at his recognition of Luke's own talent. Even when Luke had stopped writing to dabble his toes in other pursuits, Noah had always believed in Luke's writing. Since their reunion, it was Noah's encouragement that bolstered him to rediscover his passion for the written word. Any free time that wasn't spent on preparations for the new arrival or relaxing with Noah went to Luke's writing. He wasn't sure exactly what he was going to do with it yet, but he was working on a possible book idea, all thanks to the support of his boyfriend.

"I only know that my life consists of two parts. Before you, and since you. Through all of the ups and downs, I can tell you with no doubt in my mind, 'since you' has been _by far _the best part.

There is no way I'd be standing here today if not for you. Everything good I have is because you walked into my life, and brought it with you. How do you even thank someone for that?

I'll try anyway. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for loving me. And thank you for agreeing two weeks ago to marry me!"

As the crowd applauded, Noah proudly lifted his left hand. It sported an identical engagement ring to Luke's. He hadn't worn it until after he'd proposed to Luke, not wanting to tip him off when Luke had found him waiting in Old Town on that unforgettable day.

* * *

_February 14, 2012 - Oakdale_

After making love that night, Noah reached into the nightstand and presented Luke with another small box. Confused, Luke quipped, "didn't we already do this today?" Upon opening the box to discover a ring like his own, he remarked, "Ok, I _know _we already did this today!"

Noah waited a few moments for Luke to catch up, and he did. "Oh, this one's _yours_!" Noah nodded and smiled to confirm Luke's statement.

"People need to know _I'm _taken, too," Noah said. "Otherwise, you'll be stuck beating them away with a stick- Ow!" Noah protested Luke's teasing jab to his arm.

"Very funny." Luke grew quiet, staring at the ring in the box. "So, can I do the honors?"

"Of course," Noah answered. In response, Luke took Noah's hand into his own. Surprisingly, though, he didn't just place the ring on Noah's finger, but held it within his other hand as he spoke.

"When I was a kid, I used to dream about what my life would be like when I grew up. Even though I knew I was supposed to dream about marrying a girl, I never did. Instead, I dreamt of falling in love with a boy, and that he'd love me right back.

I imagined us holding hands walking down the street. Going to the prom together. Getting married.

I knew it wasn't ever gonna happen, but it didn't stop me from hoping. Then you came along. And you were wonderful, and warm, and funny… and straight."

They both laughed, knowing how true that _wasn't_.

"Falling in love with you is the most important thing that's ever happened to me. Also the hardest, the craziest, sometimes the most aggravating-"

Noah elbowed Luke's side, feigning annoyance. Luke continued, "But more than anything, it's the _best _thing that's ever happened to me. _You're_ the best thing that's ever happened to me. So Noah Mayer, I know we sorta settled this earlier, but since this is my only chance, I still want to ask. Will you marry me?"

* * *

_February 26, 2012_

Lowering his hand, Noah wrapped up his speech, his voice breaking on his last words. "I can't wait to marry you. I can't wait to start our family. And right now, I can't wait to get back to you, so we can celebrate together. You're my life, Luke, and I love you with all my heart. Thank you so much for loving me back."

As the presenters led Noah away, the audience burst into a spontaneous standing ovation, moved at the devotion with which he'd spoken. Many observing were reduced to tears, Luke foremost among them. Noah gave a wave to acknowledge the warmth of the crowd, then winked at Luke before being led backstage.

Luke knew he was supposed to remain seated, and wait for Noah to finish his post-win press conference. He knew this, but seven seconds was exactly all the wait he had in him. What was the point of being both a Walsh and a Grimaldi if you couldn't harmlessly use it to throw your weight around when necessary?

It was necessary now. He had to get to Noah. Luke rose from his chair, leaving the auditorium staff to quickly direct a seat-filler to the vacated spot.

Luke was stopped in his first attempt to proceed backstage, just as he expected. A few words informing security just exactly who he was, and more importantly, who his _grandmother _was, did the trick. Some producer whose name he didn't catch escorted him to the press room backstage.

When he entered, Luke saw a now-composed Noah standing at the podium, answering questions about himself and his film. Or more specifically, redirecting questions about himself to give answers that focused on the film. Luke hung back, watching with pride as Noah deftly handled the assembled press. He almost couldn't believe how far Noah had come, but Luke never doubted that he had it in him.

As he finished answering a question from a reporter a few feet away from Luke, Noah's eyes were drawn away from the questioner. He had somehow sensed Luke's presence, and his eyes scanned the room until they met Luke's. Upon finding that his instinct had been correct, Noah thanked the reporters, and excused himself.

He immediately stepped down from the platform to make his way to Luke, and the assorted photographers and camera operators moved aside to ease his path. Though not normally known for their courtesy, they seemed to understand in this case, it would benefit them. They were proved right when an exuberant Luke bounded into Noah's outstretched arms.

The impassioned kiss that followed featured prominently in the next day's coverage of the event. Neither man cared about any of that, though. All that mattered was that they had traveled this road with one another to arrive at this very special moment, and that's exactly how they would continue walking the path of their lives - _together_.

* * *

Additional notes:

-Yes, the "seven seconds" mentioned here was a not-so-sly nod to _Dare_. I just needed what sounded like a ridiculously brief amount of time for Luke's patience to last, and that popped into my head.

-Bonus points for anyone who knows where I got the names of Noah's crew members.


	49. Chapter 49

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues from the previous chapter. Luke and Noah arrive home from the Hollywood festivities early the next morning.

Thank you AcadianProud and Not An Infant for reviewing the last chapter. And those were good guesses on where I got the crew names from - but no. I'll give you a hint, though. The names are Silber-related.

Happy Easter weekend!

* * *

_February 27, 2012 _

Trying to unlock the front door with Noah's hands on his ass and tongue down his throat wasn't the most efficient way to get inside their apartment, but Luke decided it was undoubtedly the most fun. Still, after a minute passed without successful entry, Luke pulled back from his fiancée's amorous embrace. "We need to get inside before we scandalize the neighbors," Luke whispered, his breath hot in Noah's ear.

"It might be the most excitement they've had all week," Noah cracked as he playfully pinched Luke's bottom.

"NOAH!" Luke squeaked, before dissolving into giggles, which he tried to muffle in Noah's shoulder. While Noah was still the boy Luke fell in love with, Luke marveled at how he had changed. Teenaged Noah hadn't been secure enough in himself to risk such a public display of affection. Judging by the hands all over Luke now, it was clear grown-up Noah had no such qualms.

Luke was certainly no prude, but unlike Noah at the moment, he _was _mindful of the hour. He doubted their neighbors would want to be woken at four in the morning by the sounds of the couple next door having at each other in the hallway. The mere thought of discovery prompted Luke to giggle all over again, as he finally opened the door and they fell inside.

"What's so funny?" Noah asked.

"_You _are," Luke laughed. "Once upon a time, you were afraid to dance with me in public. Now you wanna have sex against the door in the hallway!"

Noah raised an eyebrow. "I actually hadn't thought of that, but now that you mention it… let's go back outside."

The sofa cushion that sailed in his direction in response to _that _remark clipped Noah's cheek before he could dodge it.

"You win one little Academy Award, and suddenly you think you can do whatever you want!" Luke said in exaggerated exasperation as he held up Noah's prize.

Noah's voice was softly sweet as he replied, his face poised in the very picture of innocence. "But baby, you know the _only_ thing I want to do is you!"

A much larger cushion sailed across the room to strike Noah squarely in the chest, and just like that, the pillow fight was _on_. Luke set down the Oscar, and ran to the bedroom to gather more ammunition. After tucking his award safely within a cabinet, Noah armed himself with the weapons that had already assaulted him, just in time to shield himself from an incoming pillow missile thrown by Luke.

Undeterred by the failure of that attempt, Luke instead chose a direct assault, thumping Noah with a second pillow repeatedly. Noah valiantly launched a counter-attack, but his own laughter sapped the power needed to land a good answering blow to Luke with the sofa cushion. Soon, they had both surrendered, collapsing against one another onto the couch.

Noah pulled Luke into his lap so they could recline on one arm of the sofa, while stretching their legs out on the couch. Luke rested his back against Noah's chest, and tipped his head to lay it against Noah's shoulder. Suddenly, the adrenaline that had taken them through the Oscar ceremony and glamorous parties into the wee hours of the morning had waned, and they were content to relax together for awhile.

When Luke had nearly fallen asleep, Noah suddenly whispered into his ear. "Not so fast. You forgot something."

Sleepily, Luke turned his head to look at Noah. "What?"

Without warning, Noah thrust up his hips, so that his groin pressed firmly into Luke's backside. When Luke's eyes flew open, Noah gave him a positively devious look, and explained. "I didn't get my Oscar sex yet."

Luke snorted. "Who says you get Oscar sex? I never heard of that."

Noah replied, "It's one of those unwritten Hollywood rules. Everyone who gets an Oscar gets Oscar sex. No exceptions."

Luke gave Noah a suspicious look. "You're making this up."

In response, Noah gave Luke the most smoldering stare in his impressive collection of them. "Does it matter?"

Since the lusty gaze Noah trained on him shot straight to Luke's nether regions, he answered in the only possible way. "Hell no!" Luke jumped up from the couch and grabbed both of Noah's hands to pull him up, too. Luke then walked backwards towards their bedroom, tugging a very willing Noah along by his necktie.

Upon arriving in their room, Luke yanked Noah's tie to pull him down for a fiery kiss. Noah, without breaking the liplock, managed to leisurely divest Luke of both his jacket and shirt, then unbuckle Luke's belt and pants. It was an impatient Luke who interrupted the kiss, to hurriedly rid himself of the rest of his clothing, then free Noah of his.

Once both men were nude, Luke reached his hands around to grab Noah's bottom, pulling his boyfriend forward to press their bodies together.

"Make love to me," he breathed into Noah's ear.

To his surprise, Noah shook his head. "Not tonight," he replied. At Luke's questioning look, Noah continued mischievously, "_I _won the Oscar. _You _make love to _me_."

It wasn't unprecedented, but it wasn't their usual custom, either. When Luke thought about it, he knew he could be a demanding lover. When things got passionate between them, it was typically he that pleaded with Noah to make love to him, and Noah was normally more than happy to oblige.

On this occasion, though, it was Noah making the demands of him. That fact alone strengthened Luke's excitement, and he was eager to take command and give Noah exactly what he needed. Without warning, he shoved Noah just hard enough so that the other man toppled backwards onto their bed.

Luke paused for just a moment, to take in the sensual image of a smiling, naked, and very hard Noah sprawled out just for him. Never the most patient of men, though, Luke swiftly climbed atop the bed, and his fiancée, dragging his own body up against Noah's to create delicious friction that had both men groaning. "Luke… please…," Noah ground out through painfully gritted teeth.

Luke decided then and there that the only thing better than an assertive Noah in bed was a begging Noah in bed. Oh, yes - they would be doing _this _more often. _Much _more often.

Reversing his previous action, Luke dragged his body downwards against Noah's, drawing another gratifying whine from his partner. Stopping with his face at Noah's chest, Luke tongued his nipples, circling each slowly and driving Noah to writhe beneath him. Noah's hands clasped Luke's hair, desperately needing something to hold onto to withstand the erotic onslaught.

Any thoughts of Noah releasing Luke's locks sailed out the window when Luke moved down further still, lowering his hot mouth to Noah's rock-hard arousal. Noah's back arched dramatically at the first scorching contact. As he continued pleasing his boyfriend, Luke became heady with the power he had over Noah in this most heated of moments.

When Luke was satisfied he'd sufficiently reduced Noah to an unintelligible puddle, he lifted up, eliciting a pitiful whimper of protest from below. Grinning, Luke reached over to the nightstand to find a small bottle. Luke then lay face-to-face atop Noah, kissing him as he carefully prepared his lover.

Noah couldn't bite back a small hiss of pain, and Luke began stroking Noah with his other hand to ease his discomfort, waiting for the signal from Noah that it was all right to continue. Noah nodded, and with the added stimulation, was soon pushing himself against Luke's fingers. He wrapped his own hand around Luke, wanting to give back the pure pleasure he was receiving.

He must have succeeded, because all too soon Luke was batting Noah's hand away. "Keep that up and we won't get to the main event," he joked. In reply, Noah stopped grinding against Luke's fingers, and raised his eyebrows several times in a hilarious attempt at a come-hither look, to indicate the main event should start commencing _now_.

Unable to contain a chuckle in response, Luke told him, "You are _such _a dork. But definitely the sexiest dork I know." Retrieving the bottle, Luke raised to a kneel, and quickly slicked himself up in preparation. With one more kiss to Noah's lips, Luke moved his hands to Noah's legs, raising them to rest upon Luke's shoulders.

He pushed forward cautiously, watching Noah's eyes close in rapture as Luke entered him. Between that sight and the tight feel of Noah around him, it took everything in Luke to maintain control, and restrain himself from immediately pumping into Noah with abandon and ending things far too swiftly. Instead, Luke closed his own eyes and tipped his head back in concentration, focusing on moving slowly and drawing out their mutual bliss.

He was rewarded with consistently louder moans beneath him, until Noah grabbed Luke's butt insistently, pulling him in faster and harder. Luke responded by slamming into Noah with everything he had, while simultaneously stroking the gorgeous man beneath him, bringing him to the brink of completion. Finally, they came together, so hot and hard that Luke was dizzy from the ecstasy, and Noah was incoherently mumbling something Luke couldn't understand.

After a quick cleanup, Luke curled into Noah, resting his head against Noah's chest. "Bubby," he said softly. "What were you saying a minute ago?"

Noah smirked. He knew what was being asked. Luke wanted to know what Noah had been saying when they climaxed.

Trying with great difficulty not to laugh, Noah repeated his earlier words. "I said, 'Oscar sex is the fucking _best_!'"

Luke's head shot up to look at Noah, wanting to gauge whether he was serious. When Luke saw that he was, they both burst out laughing. Returning his head to rest against Noah, Luke had to agree. "You're just gonna have to win every year. Because it _totally_ fucking is."


	50. Chapter 50

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: The week following Noah's big win.

Thank you Not An Infant for the feedback on the last chapter. Sorry this one was late! (BTW, Dracula was an off-Broadway play :-) ).

* * *

_March 2, 2012_

As Holden held up his creation for inspection, an unfamiliar ringtone broke the lazy silence in the barn. _What the- _"Hello?"

"Hello yourself," Lily's smiling voice responded.

He might as well get right to it. "_What _did you do to my phone?"

Lily's answering laughter warmed him. "I just wanted to make sure you remember. And don't change your mind! You missed your last one, you know."

Now Holden was smiling widely. "That's because I had the wrong bride."

"Well, that's true," Lily agreed happily.

"But, this isn't exactly a manly ringtone," Holden pretended to scold.

"Ah, but _you _are man enough to handle it. I know that better than anyone."

Holden feigned shock. "Why Lily Walsh, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Is it working?" came the unrepentant reply.

"Of course," Holden answered without hesitation.

"Then you need to come home. You can finish your project tomorrow," Lily added baitingly.

Holden chuckled. "Luckily, I _am _finished. I'm pretty sure my schedule's full tomorrow."

In perfect sync, they both released a contented sigh that said everything. Where they'd started; how far they'd come; all they'd been through. And how finally, they were getting it right.

After a shared moment of silent reflection, Lily spoke. "Come tomorrow, I expect you to call me Lily _Snyder_."

"Gladly," Holden agreed enthusiastically. "I'm on my way home. See you soon. Love you."

"Love you too," Lily returned.

Holden lifted the small object from the work bench in front of him once more for closer inspection. He could find no flaws as he softly ran his fingers along its smooth surface. _Perfect_, he thought with satisfaction.

He placed the object carefully in the gift box he'd brought for it, pleased that it had turned out as he'd envisioned. Then Holden tucked his mobile phone into his pocket, snickering slightly at his new ringtone. _Going to the Chapel_, indeed.

* * *

_March 1, 2012 - the previous day_

It was an unseasonably warm March morning. The sun was shining, and to Holden, it felt like Mother Nature herself was celebrating along with the Snyders. He squeezed Lily's hand as they sat in the airport, awaiting Luke and Noah's triumphant homecoming. It was also Holden's birthday, and he couldn't think of a better present.

It was true the boys had just been home a few weeks earlier, for Noah's Valentine's engagement surprise. Holden had been honored that Noah had sought his help in carrying out that unforgettable day. He smiled at the memory. It was the happiest he'd ever seen his sons, and reflecting upon it still made his own heart twinge with emotion. .

So while the whole family was thrilled when Noah won his Oscar a few days ago, they hadn't expected to have the chance to celebrate his win so soon. Yet Holden was starting to think they should have. He couldn't fail to notice that the boys had visited home almost every month since their reconciliation. Holden strongly suspected Noah had some hand in this, wanting to assure the family that Luke would still be very much present in their lives, even though he was now living with Noah in L.A.

"What are you smiling about?" Lily asked, bemused.

Holden beamed brighter. "I was just thinking about our kids."

Lily responded approvingly, "That _is _reason to smile. Any kid in particular?"

He remained silent, though his smile twisted into a proud smirk.

Reading him accurately, Lily continued, "So, our _Academy Award-winning _son, then."

Holden nodded. "With those mind-reading skills, you could open your own fortune-telling booth. Plus, the gypsy look would be _incredibly_ sexy on you."

Lily blushed at Holden's blatant flirting. "You have a thing for wandering women with big hoop earrings, huh?"

In response, she was pulled into Holden's arms. He whispered into her ear, "Only _this _woman. And I don't want her wandering anywhere!" As Holden nuzzled Lily's neck, planting a few kisses there, the moment was broken by an exaggerated throat-clearing noise.

The pair broke their embrace to find an amused Noah and embarrassed Luke standing over them.

"_Geez _you guys!" Luke began. "I have to be the only grown man whose parents make out in airports!"

Noah snorted in the attempt not to laugh at his fiancée's exasperation. Luke shot him an aggravated look, but Noah knew he wasn't _really _annoyed. At least, not until their dad explained himself.

"Sorry, son - your mom is just too hot. I can't help myself."

Luke gave Holden his most mortified expression. "_Eww_! Seriously, Dad? I am _never_ coming home again."

Now everyone _but _Luke was laughing outright at his dramatic declaration. Of course, it was contagious, and against his will, Luke joined in pretty quickly. He could hardly be too irritated. He was thrilled his mom and dad were going strong - though he'd rather they not go at it so strongly in public!

His parents rose from their chairs to greet the boys. Holden playfully ruffled Luke's hair before pulling him into a firm hug. Luke predictably rolled his eyes, but secretly loved the affectionate gesture. No matter how old he was, he never tired of the safe, loved feeling he got in the presence of his dad. Luke hoped he would pass this feeling on to his own child.

Meanwhile, Lily squeezed Noah hard, releasing the built-up excitement of the days since his big win. "Congratulations, sweetie," she said as she pecked his cheek. "We're so happy for you - you deserve it!"

"Thanks," Noah said sheepishly. After a lifetime of never feeling good enough, it was still difficult for him to accept praise, but he was working on it. And coming from Lily, it actually felt great, because he knew it was genuine.

After whispering something else to Noah that only he could hear, Lily moved over to clench Luke with equal exuberance. Luke affected a melodramatic expression, pretending he was being crushed. At the teasing, Lily served up an eye roll of her own, which prompted Noah to muse, _and that's where he gets it_.

Meanwhile, Holden offered Noah his hand for a hearty shake in greeting. When Noah began to release Holden's hand, though, Luke's dad suddenly pulled him into a strong hug. "We knew you could do it, son," Holden said next to Noah's ear.

Returning the embrace, Noah answered, "You helped me_ believe_ I could do it. Thank you."

Holden smiled. "I don't usually get thanked for pointing out the obvious." He released Noah with a wink, and the jovial group started for the exit, eager to get home to the rest of the family.

* * *

_Later that afternoon_

Noah and Luke had gone to their share of Oscar parties earlier in the week, but not a one held a candle to the celebration at Snyder Farm. Emma made all of Noah's favorites, and judging by the spread in the kitchen, everyone else's favorites, too. Noah had brought along the Oscar statue, of course, and everyone took a turn inspecting it. Most posed for a picture with the award, and everyone insisted upon getting their photo taken with Noah.

Luke watched the scene with contentment. Noah was as smiling and relaxed as Luke had ever seen him. Like Noah, Luke loved visiting home, but Noah seemed to _need_ to, as well. Almost all of their trips back to Oakdale had been at Noah's suggestion.

Luke's conscience pricked with guilt. After their Christmas 2010 blowup, Noah had given Luke space, and stayed away from Oakdale until after they reunited. Luke was beginning to understand how much being separated from the family had affected Noah. He'd grown up with no real family, but had seamlessly integrated into the Snyders. Luke realized that going without seeing the family for nearly a year must've been awful for Noah.

"What's wrong?"

God, Noah knew him so well. Luke's brief flash of melancholy must've shown on his face - at least to Noah.

"Nothing," Luke replied. He then chuckled as he remembered the first time they'd shared the exchange of those particular words. Noah smirked, clearly on the same wavelength. Their first kiss remained one of the pivotal moments in each of their lives, and both remembered every word, sound, and feeling from that moment with absolute clarity.

"Later," Noah murmured suggestively, letting Luke know exactly which direction his thoughts were moving. And Luke was entirely on board with that plan.

The intensity of their shared gaze was interrupted by Lily. "Noah," she began. "I think we're ready."

Nodding, Noah rose from his chair to dim the lights, happy to help. Luke sent him a questioning look. Since Lily wanted to keep things under wraps until the moment arrived, Noah was the only one who'd been entrusted with her plan.

Even Emma looked surprised when Lily produced a small, circular cake. Confused, too, since Emma herself had naturally made a cake of her own, to celebrate both Noah's win, and Holden's birthday. As a single lit candle cast a soft light through the kitchen, Lily began to sing _Happy Birthday_. The family joined in, and Holden basked in the affection from his loved ones.

When the song ended, Lily placed the cake on the table in front of Holden, instructing him to make a wish. After a moment, he blew out the flame, and Noah flipped the lights back on. Only then did Holden notice the message written in icing. Two words, and they _weren't_ Happy Birthday.

Holden blinked, then gulped, then blinked again. It was soon apparent to all who weren't in the know that something more was going on than commemorating Holden's birthday. Luke rose from his chair to get a better view of the cake, then gasped.

_Marry me_.


	51. Chapter 51

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Picks up immediately from the previous chapter, when Lily presented Holden with a special birthday cake

* * *

_March 1, 2012 (continued)_

"If you don't give me an answer sometime soon, I'm going to start worrying," Lily joked to a thus far unresponsive Holden.

Looking up from the cake he'd been staring at, Holden met Lily's eyes with his own. Instead of giving Lily his answer verbally, he took the love of his life within his arms, pressing a kiss so passionate to Lily's lips that eventually, their daughter protested in horror.

"Dad, get a room!"

The scolding effect of Faith's voice was ruined by the beaming smile on her face. When her mother married Damien, it seemed the hope of her parents reuniting was nothing but a pipe dream. Now, her fondest wish was about to be fully realized.

Coming up for air, Holden finally said the word that would bring him back with Lily for good, this time; of that he was certain.

"Yes! In case I didn't get that across just now-"

"Oh, you definitely did," Lily injected, her face reddening at the intensity of the kiss Holden had bestowed upon her in front of their kids - and their mothers!

Meanwhile, Luke turned an accusing look on Noah. "You _knew_!"

Noah confirmed the charge. "I knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Noah smiled at Luke's affronted tone. "Because, it was supposed to be a secret until now. And I thought it would be easier for you to keep the secret if you didn't know it."

Luke considered protesting, but for the fact that they both knew what Noah said was true. Luke wouldn't be able to sit on something like that without talking about it. The way things worked in Oakdale, he would inevitably be overheard, and the news would get back to Holden, effectively ruining the surprise.

Still, he hated being left out of the loop, even if the loop apparently consisted of only two people - Lily and Noah. But his parents' happiness and siblings' joy wiped out any trace of annoyance. Like he and Noah, Luke's mom and dad had found their way back to one another. At that thought, a question popped into his mind.

"So will you guys be getting hitched before or after me and Noah?"

Lily and Noah shared a conspiratorial smile, which Luke immediately picked up on.

"Wait - what else are you guys not telling us?"

Holden echoed his son's query. "I'd like to know _that _myself!"

Lily took Holden's hand within her own, then took in a deep breath, hoping he would like her idea. "Well," she began. "I was thinking… since the boys are here anyway, and we kept our weekend free for their visit… how's Saturday?"

Holden did a double-take. "_This _Saturday? As in, _two _days from now?" He paused, pretending to consider his answer carefully, then allowed a beaming smile to spread across his face. "As a matter of fact, this Saturday will be perfect!"

A collective celebratory cheer rang throughout the kitchen. Emma, unable to hold back expressing her own elation any longer, grasped both Holden and Lily in her embrace. Natalie explained to Ethan that their mom and dad were getting married, prompting him to clap excitedly.

And Luke pulled Noah close, melting into his arms. So, maybe Noah had kept him in the dark, but it was for a good cause. And Luke was going to get to see his parents remarry this weekend!

Eventually, everyone had their chance to hug the happy couple. Lucinda congratulated Lily not only on her imminent nuptials, but on her flawless execution of the surprise for Holden that had surprised them all. "Marvelous, darling," she lauded.

Grabbing Holden's arm, Lucinda continued, "there isn't another one like this. Don't let go, dear." Looking up at Holden, she added firmly, "_either _of you!"

Holden hugged his once-and-future mother-in-law. "We won't," he vowed.

Lucinda smiled approvingly, then to lighten the deep emotion of the moment, changed the subject. "It's still your birthday, too. And I believe we have presents for you, young man!" Holden mused inwardly that both Lucinda and his own mother were good for his ego, since they persisted in pointing out his youth, even though he was about to become a grandparent.

Each loved one offered Holden a birthday gift. Some were funny, and some practical, but all were chosen with care for the man who was unquestionably the glue of their family. When Holden unwrapped the final gift, from Luke, he dissolved into laughter. If Emma and Lucinda made him feel young, at least he had his son to remind him that he wasn't.

"Really, Luke?" Holden feigned grave offense.

"Yeah, I mean, I know it's what all the geezers love," Luke cracked.

Holden snickered, "You're a stinker, just so you know." He held the package up for everyone to see.

Luke cackled with delight as his fiancée looked on in confusion. "I don't get it," Noah finally said.

"It's a long story," Luke answered.

When Luke was around Ethan's age, he'd wanted to find an amazing gift for his dad's upcoming birthday. Lily had promised to take him shopping, and Luke was afraid he wouldn't think of a great present in time. One day, though, he saw a television ad that gave him the perfect idea.

In the commercial, a family was celebrating a grandfather's birthday. As the party scene played out, the grandpa oohed and aahed over each present he received. The final gift was given by a small boy around Luke's age, and when the man opened the gift, he gave his grandson a teary smile.

"My word," the grandfather said with emotion. "Just like your dad gave me when _he _was your age." The man then opened his arms, and the boy was gratefully pulled into his granddad's embrace.

Little Luke thought this must be an incredibly special gift to cause such emotion in an adult. He wanted his dad to be so happy that he cried, too! So when Lily took him to the department store, Luke immediately asked to buy what he'd seen in the commercial. Lily raised an eyebrow, amused by the choice, but verbally endorsed the selection, and made Luke feel grown-up by allowing him to pay.

When they got home, his mother helped Luke wrap the thoughtfully chosen gift. He spent the next few days crawling out of his skin in the run-up to the big day. He couldn't wait to give his dad such an awesome present!

Finally, Holden's birthday arrived. Luke wanted his present opened first. But he remembered that in the commercial, the boy had saved his gift for last, since it was the best. So Luke resolved to do likewise.

When it came time for Holden to open Luke's gift, the boy stood breathless with anticipation, right beside his father's seat at the table. Holden pulled off the painstakingly (if crookedly) wrapped paper slowly, amused at Luke's very visible excitement. As he read the box, a surprised Holden recovered quickly, enthusing, "Wow. WOW, sport!"

He lifted the box to show the family. Immediately, his brothers snickered, recognizing it was the same gift they used to get for their grandfather. Luke was confused by the reactions around the table. He looked to his dad, who was smiling down at him.

"Thank you, buddy! This is _just _what I needed!"

Holden seemed happy, but didn't appear to understand the importance of the present, so little Luke helpfully explained. "It's 'Old Spice'! Because you're old now!"

Of course, for someone as young as Luke, becoming old equated to becoming big and strong, and was indeed a very great thing. To the adults in the room, though, Luke had unwittingly pranked his dad even better than Holden's brothers could've ever hoped to. Predictably, they burst into raucous laughter at Luke's innocent comment.

Taking this in, a perplexed Luke once again looked to his father, who by now had covered his face with both hands, his shoulders shuddering. "Daddy?", Luke questioned worriedly, fearful he hadn't chosen a wonderful gift, after all.

It took everything in Holden to collect himself and control his own silent laughter. Eventually, he calmed, and lowered his hands. Luke gasped in awe as he saw that just like in the commercial, his gift had brought tears to his father's eyes.

"Happy Birthday, Daddy!" Luke bounded into Holden's lap happily, and Holden clenched him tightly, ruffling his blonde mop lovingly. Of course, Luke sweetly assumed his spectacular gift choice had moved his father to tears. And in truth, it had; just not quite in the way the boy believed at the time.

"The Old Spice Incident" became the stuff of Snyder legend. Holden's brothers would bring it up anytime they wanted to razz him, pretending to sniff him, then making some snarky comment, such as "Yep, still old." And Luke continued to give Holden the same present for a number of years, until he finally grew up enough to realize how lame it actually was.

Still, that realization did nothing to take away from the memories of those birthdays. Luke simply came to understand, it wasn't the contents of the gift that had made his dad so happy, but just Luke being Luke. And knowing his dad loved him not despite his naiveté, but in part _because _of it, was the greatest gift of all.


	52. Chapter 52

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Noah's first weekend in L.A., the night before he'll present his new film idea to the grant committee.

Any short gaps (denoted with periods) are meant to indicate slight pauses in the conversation.

* * *

_September 19, 2010_

OakdaleDad7: Hey! How was your first weekend in the big city?

filmgeek4ls: ok

OakdaleDad7: Yeah?

filmgeek4ls: yeah

OakdaleDad7: Ok.

OakdaleDad7: So how was it really?

.

.

.

.

filmgeek4ls: i dunno. different i guess

OakdaleDad7: That I can believe.

filmgeek4ls: its cool and everything

filmgeek4ls: i did something. well im gonna do something different w/ the project

OakdaleDad7: How so?

filmgeek4ls: scrap it lol

OakdaleDad7: What?

filmgeek4ls: yeah im kinda sayin that 2

filmgeek4ls: i got a new idea. i think its alot better

OakdaleDad7: Wow. That's great. So the grant people loved it, I take it.

filmgeek4ls: umm

filmgeek4ls: thats a good question

OakdaleDad7: Is there an un-oh in here somewhere?

filmgeek4ls: maybe. probably. i meet w/them 2morrow, guess ill find out then

OakdaleDad7: Really. WOW. So what's the amazing new idea?

.

.

.

filmgeek4ls: not really ready to talk about it yet

OakdaleDad7: No problem. But, I hope you're ready to talk about it tomorrow.

OakdaleDad7: lol

filmgeek4ls: yeah me too

filmgeek4ls: kinda screwed otherwise

filmgeek4ls: oh geez sorry

OakdaleDad7: It's all right. I'm pretty sure I've heard the term before. ;)

OakdaleDad7: But don't worry. You'll be great. I know that whatever the new project is, you're doing it because you believe in it, so that will make it amazing.

.

.

filmgeek4ls: wow thx

filmgeek4ls: I mean really, thank you

OakdaleDad7: Well it's true. Plus, if it sucks and you're screwed, you can always come home and be a farmer.

filmgeek4ls: HEY!

filmgeek4ls: lmao dont let the chickens hear you say that

OakdaleDad7: Oh come on, they love you. Especially Gertie. She has a real affinity for your ankles.

filmgeek4ls: my ankles remember! might still have scars lol

filmgeek4ls: guess im nervous about 2morrow

OakdaleDad7: You should be. That just means you care about what you're doing. And that passion you have for what you do, that's what will bring you through whatever obstacles you face.

filmgeek4ls: i hope thats true

filmgeek4ls: thx Yoda

OakdaleDad7: Watch it kid. I can FedEx Gertie anytime.

filmgeek4ls: holy crap no!

OakdaleDad7: Now see, that term I hadn't heard.

filmgeek4ls: ha sorry

OakdaleDad7: Nah that's ok. If you swear in front of me, I feel less like Father Time.

filmgeek4ls: oh UR father time? was wondering about that

OakdaleDad7: And Gertie's all packed.

filmgeek4ls: ouch. my ankles hurt already

OakdaleDad7: Poor kid. Should I be paying for therapy?

filmgeek4ls: hmm maybe. but u *shouldn't* of paid for my film supplies so its more than even

OakdaleDad7: have

OakdaleDad7: shouldn't _have_

filmgeek4ls: well I just said u shouldn't

OakdaleDad7: No LOL. The term is "shouldn't _have_" not "shouldn't _of_"

filmgeek4ls: ok miss manners

OakdaleDad7: First Father Time, now Miss Manners? Just for that I'm upgrading Gertie to overnight express.

filmgeek4ls: ow mean

filmgeek4ls: yeah i have it coming lol

OakdaleDad7: You do, but lucky for you I'm in a forgiving mood. You can make it up to me by kicking ass with that committee tomorrow.

filmgeek4ls: omg did u just swear

filmgeek4ls: u did. thats so weird

OakdaleDad7: Yeah, because back when I was a youngin' riding to school in a covered wagon, swearing hadn't been invented. Heck, I was lucky the wheel had been made a few years before so I didn't have to walk the ten miles.

filmgeek4ls: omg i just choked on my soda. i cant kick ass w/the committee if im dead u know

OakdaleDad7: Har. Har.

OakdaleDad7: You're gonna be great. You know that, right?

.

.

filmgeek4ls: i guess

OakdaleDad7: Don't guess. Know. You ARE going to do a bang-up job. Like you apparently love to remind me, I'm older. That means I'm wiser, so I know better.

OakdaleDad7: You've been waiting for this and now it's YOUR time. I know you won't let it pass you by. You're too smart not to grab the bull by the horns.

filmgeek4ls: thx for the advice. and ur faith in me. that means alot

filmgeek4ls: and wow way to work a farm animal into my pep talk

OakdaleDad7: Impressive, I know. One day when you're old, you, too, will be sage like me.

filmgeek4ls: Sage? i dont wanna be her

OakdaleDad7: Yeah, you are _really _gonna kick ass tomorrow. Because there is no future for you in stand-up. NONE.

filmgeek4ls: harsh

filmgeek4ls: true but harsh

.

.

filmgeek4ls: hows luke

OakdaleDad7: As well as can be expected. I think he's still in shock. I know he misses you.

filmgeek4ls: he misses reid

OakdaleDad7: Of course. But you too.

filmgeek4ls: i shouldnt of left

filmgeek4ls: HAVE

filmgeek4ls: whatever

OakdaleDad7: Don't do that. Luke doesn't want that. He's going through a tough time, but you giving up your dream for him would only make it worse. He would hate that.

filmgeek4ls: yeah i guess

OakdaleDad7: We have to work on getting that word less airplay in your vocabulary. "Guess". It just means you don't want to admit that you know what you know.

filmgeek4ls: whoa you ARE sage. the wise thing not the girl

OakdaleDad7: LOL. I think that's the best compliment I've had all week.

OakdaleDad7: Not just that I'm wise; that I'm not a girl.

filmgeek4ls: well its only sunday, u could get a better one still

OakdaleDad7: Hope springs eternal.

filmgeek4ls: im gonna work on my presentation

OakdaleDad7: You mean the kick-ass one? Yes, you do that.

filmgeek4ls: ha

filmgeek4ls: ur the best

filmgeek4ls: u really are

OakdaleDad7: Look at that. I already got a better compliment, and it's still only Sunday. The week looks promising!

filmgeek4ls: lol

filmgeek4ls: u cant take a compliment w/out joking

OakdaleDad7: You should relate.

filmgeek4ls: true i guess

filmgeek4ls: dammit

filmgeek4ls: oops

filmgeek4ls: ill try not to say 'guess' next time. or swear words lol

OakdaleDad7: Of the two I'll take the swear words.

filmgeek4ls: ok ok

filmgeek4ls: but thank you, ill remember what u said

OakdaleDad7: I'll call you tomorrow night to see how it went.

filmgeek4ls: u dont have to

OakdaleDad7: I want to. I'll need the details of the asses that were kicked.

filmgeek4ls: lol

filmgeek4ls: that sounded wrong

OakdaleDad7: Yeah, it was funnier and less inappropriate before I typed it.

filmgeek4ls: that happens

OakdaleDad7: Us old folks are slower to master this interwebs thing.

filmgeek4ls: ur doing good for an old guy

OakdaleDad7: And that's the new best compliment. If I can just get a bumper sticker for the pick-up. "Doin' good for an old guy."

filmgeek4ls: ha

OakdaleDad7: I'll call you around 7 your time.

filmgeek4ls: isnt that kinda late for seniors?

OakdaleDad7: The knock on your door that's coming in about 5 minutes? That's Gertie.

filmgeek4ls: yikes

OakdaleDad7: Anyway, I'll call at 7 so you have plenty of time to take names after the ass-kicking.

filmgeek4ls: damn straight

OakdaleDad7: THAT'S the confidence I want to hear! Take that with you tomorrow, son.

.

.

filmgeek4ls: k. will do

filmgeek4ls: thx. THANK YOU. for everything

OakdaleDad7: You're welcome. But you never need to say that. We love you. You get that, right?

.

.

.

.

.

filmgeek4ls: yeah. thank you for that too

filmgeek4ls: love u guys

filmgeek4ls: night

OakdaleDad7: Night.


	53. Chapter 53

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: First early November 2010, then a couple week later on the Thanksgiving after Noah has relocated to L.A. for his film project.

* * *

_Early November, 2010_

Lily closed her mobile, and placed it on the kitchen counter in front of her with a sigh.

At the table, Holden looked up from the paper he was reading. "So it's a no."

"It's a no," she confirmed sadly, joining him to sit at the table.

Holden reached out his hand in support, and Lily took it, drawing on his strength by giving it a squeeze.

"This just isn't right," she said dejectedly.

"He'll be okay," Holden assured her.

"Alone on Thanksgiving? It's wrong. He should be home with his family!"

Holden nodded in agreement. "I know. But maybe it's not the right time. When it is, he'll come home."

"Why not? Luke said he was fine with it," Lily insisted.

Holden paused. "That _is _what he said. But 'fine' doesn't mean 'ready'. I think Noah knows that."

Lily shook her head. "But Luke's already lost Reid, and now he doesn't contact Noah. It's like he thinks he's cheating on Reid if he gives Noah a call. The old Luke would've never let Noah spend Thanksgiving alone a thousand miles away. But now Luke acts like he doesn't care one way or the other, and I know that's not true!"

"Of course not. But I think he's afraid to let himself care too much. Give him more time."

Lily nodded defeatedly. "You're right. I know that. This is just so ... wrong! Luke so miserable, and Noah all alone. I hate it!"

Holden raised the hand he was holding, pressing a soft kiss to Lily's knuckles.

"It won't be forever. And no matter what, we'll get Noah home for Christmas; I promise" Holden vowed.

* * *

_November 25, 2010 _

Noah plopped down onto his couch to order his not-quite-traditional Thanksgiving dinner from Yang Chow's. He'd woken in the morning to watch some of the Macy's parade on television, then decided it just wasn't the same without Ethan's infectious excitement over the Spongebob Squarepants balloon. Finally, he'd switched off the TV set, and spent the rest of the morning and the entire afternoon working on his film.

He'd already completed several interviews on film with families affected by organ donation - either through receiving organs, or sadly, donating them. Conducting the first interview, with a family who'd lost a young child in a terrible accident, had been one of the toughest things Noah had _ever _done. But the compassion of the parents, who in the face of their own indescribable grief had somehow found the strength to help others, fortified Noah. He drew upon their courage, and in turn, they trusted in his vision and his intentions with the film. Together, they managed to beautifully tell the story of a little boy, Stevie Jackson, who lived briefly, but gave more than most ever would.

Still, that experience a few weeks ago had drained Noah. When he had returned to his apartment afterwards, he broke down. He couldn't help but second-guess himself, and question whether he should go forward with the project. While he wanted to help people, it seemed like by dredging up such painful memories, he was ultimately hurting them.

What had kept him going was the commitment Stevie's parents had to the project. They wanted their son's story told, in the hopes it would show those going through similarly tragic circumstances that their child's legacy could continue in a deeply meaningful way. Aisha Jackson, Stevie's mom, was so supportive of the film, she had put Noah in touch with other parents in her support group.

Meanwhile, Stevie's dad, Cerron, pitched in by driving parents lacking transportation to meetings with Noah. With the Jacksons' endorsement, the other families put their trust in Noah, too. He couldn't help but to feel an awesome responsibility to them all to get it right.

So no matter how difficult hearing the gut-wrenching stories was, Noah reminded himself that it was nothing compared to what the people who'd lost a loved one were going through. He felt incredibly grateful that these amazing people believed in what he was doing. Their bravery inspired him, and convinced him that no matter what, he would finish this project to the very best of his ability.

After spending the whole day poring through the emotional interviews, though, Noah was ready to call it a day. He reflected that it had been an incredibly appropriate way to spend Thanksgiving. Occasionally, when Noah thought of Luke (and especially of Luke's absence), he felt sorry for himself. But all it took to snap him out of it was thinking of the amazing people he'd met, and that reminded him to feel gratitude instead of self-pity.

Yet, now that he'd done a full day's work, he would give himself a little leeway, if not to sulk, then to acknowledge some sadness. It was Thanksgiving, and he wasn't in Oakdale, with the people he loved like they were his own family. He missed them, and nearly regretted his decision not to accept Lily and Holden's invitation.

Still, he loved Luke above all, and it wasn't Luke who'd asked him. Lily insisted Luke was fine with it, but Noah could well imagine how that conversation had gone. Either a.) Luke was asked if it was alright to invite Noah, and felt like he had to say that it was, or b.) Luke was told that Noah would be invited, and his failure to mount an objection was interpreted as "being fine with it."

Because even if he didn't feel comfortable with Noah there, Luke wouldn't say so. He would put everyone else's feelings first. And Noah needed Luke to put _Luke _first. So that meant making the decision to stay away. If Luke wanted Noah there, Luke could ask him. Since he hadn't, Noah was determined to give Luke the time and space he needed, even though it was hell for Noah not to see him with his own eyes, and make sure he was okay.

Noah had actually received a kind dinner invite from some colleagues, but if he couldn't be with the Snyders today, he didn't really want to be with anyone else, either. He didn't want the pressure to be sociable when he knew he'd just feel moody. So moo goo gai pan from Yang Chow's would have to do.

As Noah flipped open his phone to place his order, he was startled by a knock on the door. He never had unexpected guests. He barely knew anyone in town besides the families from the film, and the crew.

Noah hopped up from the couch, and looked through the peephole of the door. He couldn't see whoever was there, since their face was blocked by the two large bags held within the person's arms. Noah realized that like him, some other poor soul was having their holiday meal delivered, but it had arrived at the wrong door.

Noah swung the door and began to explain he hadn't ordered anything. He asked the faceless delivery person which apartment they were looking for. The response was unexpected, to say the least.

"I'm not searching for anyone. I've found him. And if he's the chivalrous young man I know, he'll take these bags from my arms."

The haughty yet amused tone was unmistakable.

"Ms. Walsh!" Noah exclaimed, relieving her of the packages.

"Young man, how many years have you known me? I think we can dispense with the formalities."

"Sorry," Noah replied. His mind had frozen at her arrival. And truth be told, she still intimidated Noah somewhat.

"What are you _doing_ here?" Noah could have kicked himself. "I mean, Happy Thanksgiving," he tacked on quickly. "Oh... please come in!"

"I was wondering if you'd get to that," Lucinda replied wryly.

"I'm sorry. God, I'm just like... my mind is blown a little! It's great to see you, though."

Lucinda smiled indulgently as she allowed herself to be ushered into Noah's apartment.

"Please have a seat," Noah offered, gesturing to the couch as he headed to the kitchen to place the bags there.

"Thank you, but I'll follow you. I'd like to eat dinner while it's still warm."

Noah must've looked as perplexed as he felt.

"Do close your mouth. If you would be so kind as to set the table..." Lucinda instructed as she opened the bags, and began to remove the incredible smelling contents.

As he retrieved some plates from the cupboard (thanking his stars he'd done the dishes last night), Noah caught the aroma of the food as it wafted to him.

"That's Emma's cooking!" The shock in his voice was evident.

"Very good. And of course it is. What else would we have for Thanksgiving?"

Lucinda spoke in that slightly condescending yet not unkind tone, that seemed to suggest there was nothing odd about her crossing multiple states with two bagsful of Emma's delights for the simple reason it was what one consumed on Thanksgiving. Since she offered no further explanation, Noah concentrated on getting them silverware and glasses. He then pulled out a chair for Lucinda, who nodded approvingly as she sat.

Noah didn't know what to do now. At the Snyders, they always prayed before eating their Thanksgiving meal. Yet Noah and Lucinda were only honorary Snyders, and neither was a churchgoer.

Seemingly reading his thoughts, Lucinda extended her hands across the table. Noah took them in his own, then waited. He wasn't sure if she meant for him to say something prayerful, but instead, she spoke.

"It's tradition, after all," Lucinda explained. "'God, thank you for this delectable food, and for private planes with the proper kitchen facilities to keep it warm, yet still eminently edible.'"

That was probably the oddest prayer Noah had ever heard, and he was horrified when he couldn't help the tiny snort that escaped him.

Lucinda merely cocked a bemused eyebrow, and responded, "very well. Can you do better?"

Uh-oh. "Probably not," Noah admitted.

"In the interests of fairness, try."

Noah knew very well it had nothing to do with fairness, but that Lucinda wanted to put Noah as on the spot as she had been in attempting to keep with the tradition. Still, he understood that she was trying to bring as much of home to him as possible, and he was unbelievably touched. Suddenly, a prayer of gratitude didn't seem like such a tall order.

"Dear God," Noah began. "Thank you for the many blessings in our lives. Thank you for our health, our happiness, and most of all, our loved ones. Thanks especially for bringing _Lucinda_ here today."

She didn't miss the emphasis on her first name, but was far too composed a person to express her appreciation of the humor through anything more than a small smirk.

Noah continued, "Having her here has made this day more special than I ever expected."

At that, Lucinda melted into a full-fledged half-grin. For her, that was a major show of affection.

"Please watch over our family and friends. Amen," Noah concluded.

"Amen." Lucinda conceded, "Yours may have been negligibly better."

Before Noah's brain could form an acceptable reply, Lucinda had moved on to pouring the wine, raising her glass for a toast. "To a lovely holiday dinner. Cheers."

Noah clinked his glass to hers, and they simultaneously drank. Tucking into his dinner, Noah savored the flavor, thrilled to find everything tasted just as he remembered. His pleasure must have shown on his face, since Lucinda couldn't help an amused expression from appearing on her own.

Finally, Noah worked up the nerve to ask - hopefully, more smoothly this time. "So what brings you to Los Angeles?"

"I have a meeting here tomorrow afternoon," Lucinda responded.

Noah answered in surprise, "The boss can't get out of meeting on a holiday?"

"As I _scheduled_ the meeting, I'm not likely to try to 'get out of' it," Lucinda retorted.

"Why would you schedule yourself for a meeting on Thanksgiving weekend...," Noah trailed off, as the realization sunk in. "Did Lily have something to do with this?"

"Young man, I do not do my daughter's bidding, or anyone else's. Yes, Lily mentioned that you would not be making the trip home for Thanksgiving. I simply agreed with her that allowing you to spend the holiday on your own would be criminal," Lucinda explained, in the tone that reminded she was unaccustomed to explaining herself, and didn't care for being expected to.

"I'm sorry," Noah answered. "I just... you didn't have to do this. I didn't want you to miss Thanksgiving with everyone, too."

"Darling, I had a lovely Thanksgiving with the entire brood at Snyder Farm. Emma was more than happy to move the big meal to noon, and send this wonderful food for us to enjoy tonight. It seemed to give her a great deal of happiness, which I don't think you should begrudge her."

"I don't! Of course not," Noah began, then realized that Lucinda was teasing him. Realizing how Lucinda, Emma, Lily, and probably the rest of the family had conspired to make sure he wasn't alone for Thanksgiving made Noah's heart swell with emotion. "Thank you."

Lucinda found herself lacking the ability to reply to Noah's genuine sentiment with anything but the same honesty. "You are very welcome," she said simply.

They shared a smile of mutual regard, then proceeded to finish off the delicious meal before them. Lucinda filled Noah in on the Snyder children's activities, while he told her some humorous stories about things that had comically gone wrong on his film set. After dinner, Noah worried briefly that he had no idea how to play host to Luke's high-powered, socially-connected grandmother, but finally just decided to treat her as he would any other guest. "So... do you wanna watch a movie?"

"As a matter of fact, I would love to," Lucinda answered graciously. While she had been merely pleased at the invitation, when Noah opened the doors to the cabinet housing his DVD collection, Lucinda was truly impressed with the selection of legitimate classics. Her eye was drawn to her own favorite, but she mentally dismissed it as being far too long.

"What?" Noah had noticed that Lucinda's face seemed to perk up at one of the DVDs.

"Oh, _Gone with the Wind_," she replied. "It was my favorite as a child. But it's dreadfully long."

"So is _Titanic_, and Luke made me watch that," Noah laughed. "At least _this _one's worthy of the time spent."

As Noah lifted the box picturing Clark Gable passionately clutching Vivien Leigh, Lucinda asked, "Are you certain? You can't want to spend the rest of your evening with an old woman watching an even older movie."

Noah balked. "First of all, this isn't an _old movie_; it's a _classic film_," he contended, holding up the box. "Secondly, I don't see any old women here. Just the amazing and beautiful young lady standing in front of me."

Noah knew he was pouring it on a bit thick, but it had the intended effect. Lucinda laughed, and even blushed a tiny bit, though she would never admit to it.

"Aren't you a charmer!" Regarding him more seriously, she added, "And a sweet boy. Don't let this town change that, darling."

Nodding, Noah popped the DVD into the player, and gestured for Lucinda to sit. "I'll get us some of Emma's pie," he said, bounding into the kitchen as the opening credits began. He soon returned with a tempting slice of Emma's pumpkin pie for each of them, topped with whipped cream.

Noah dimmed the lights and took a seat on the couch next to Lucinda. For the next three-and-a-half hours, they watched the trials and tribulations of Scarlett O'Hara unfold on the screen. When the film ended, Lucinda thanked Noah for his hospitality, enthusing that she'd had a wonderful time.

Escorting her to the door, Noah responded, "So did I. Can I walk you to your car?"

"No, thank you. I texted Hans, and he'll meet me up here." Sure enough, as Noah opened the door, he could see Lucinda's driver coming towards them.

"Ok, then." Noah paused. "Lucinda... just, thank you _so_ much for today. It was great. Really great. It means a lot to me-"

Noah's sentence was cut off by Lucinda pulling him down into a firm embrace. "I'm glad, darling. But it was nothing. You are family, Noah. Remember that," she advised, in a voice that made it clear her instructions were expected to be followed.

Noah hugged back, then gave a nod as she stepped away and waved goodbye. Once she and Hans were out of sight, Noah went back inside. He picked up a photo from the endtable.

It was the Snyder family photo from last Christmas. Normally, it was somewhat painful for him to look at the photo, since he was blind in it, and it was taken at the beginning of the end for he and Luke. But Noah had framed the picture and placed it in his apartment, anyway, because it was the most recent shot of all the people he loved most together.

Now, though, he didn't feel sadness looking at the picture. Sure, he missed everyone, but Lucinda's visit had brought something home to him in a very real way. It didn't matter that he wasn't related to these people by blood, or even connected to them as Luke's boyfriend anymore. No matter what, this was his _family_. And not just knowing that, but really _feeling _it, made it easy for Noah to feel deep gratitude on the day specifically intended for giving thanks.


	54. Chapter 54

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: An instant messaging conversation from February 2008. Slight pauses in the conversation are marked by gaps with periods.

* * *

_Mid-February 2008_

OakdaleDad7: Noah?

filmgeek4ls: yes

OakdaleDad7: Hey, it's Luke dad.

filmgeek4ls: hi i figured. i dont really know other oakdale dads

.

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OakdaleDad7: So punctuation isn't a big deal on this chat thing, is it?

.

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filmgeek4ls: I'm sorry, sir. Sorry about that.

OakdaleDad7: Kidding, Noah.

.

filmgeek4ls: oh funny

OakdaleDad7: Obviously. You were in stitches. Maybe I should stick to landlines.

filmgeek4ls: ok that one was funny

OakdaleDad7: Nice screen name, by the way. I'm trying to think what the ls could be.

.

filmgeek4ls: its luke

OakdaleDad7: I figured. I really shouldn't try to joke on here.

filmgeek4ls: oh sorry. if u want ppl to know ur joking you can say lol

OakdaleDad7: I'll try doing that. Or not joking. One or the other.

filmgeek4ls: ha

OakdaleDad7: So Luke tells me you're off tomorrow. Any big plans?

filmgeek4ls: no sir. luke has a big test so hes studying all day

filmgeek4ls: i might see if i can pick up an extra shift

OakdaleDad7: I have a better idea. I'm driving up for the Blackhawks game. Are you in?

.

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filmgeek4ls: no thank you. thanks though

OakdaleDad7: You don't like hockey?

.

filmgeek4ls: i do. its really nice of u to ask. but i mean u can find someone better to go with lol

.

OakdaleDad7: I thought you said lol is used for a joke. That isn't funny.

.

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filmgeek4ls: sorry. sorry sir. im just kidding.

OakdaleDad7: No, I don't believe you are. Noah, if I wanted someone else to go, I would have asked them. I asked you because I want you to go.

OakdaleDad7: You're an amazing kid. You need to start realizing that, son.

.

.

filmgeek4ls: thank you sir

OakdaleDad7: That doesn't mean you have to go. Maybe I wouldn't be excited about hanging out with my boyfriend's dad, either.

filmgeek4ls: LOL

filmgeek4ls: sorry but THAT was funny. u with a boyfriend lol

OakdaleDad7: True. LOL.

filmgeek4ls: hey u used the lol! now ur a web expert

OakdaleDad7: I owe it all to you.

filmgeek4ls: btw nice screen name urself

OakdaleDad7: Thanks. I just picked it out.

filmgeek4ls: were there really 6 other oakdale dads already

.

.

OakdaleDad7: Hmm. I don't know. 7 is supposed to be lucky, though, right?

filmgeek4ls: true

.

filmgeek4ls: mr snyder if u still want me to go i would like to

filmgeek4ls: if its not too much trouble

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OakdaleDad7: Noah. It's Holden. And it's no trouble. For one thing, you are much better behaved than my kids. lol.

OakdaleDad7: I'm getting good at this.

filmgeek4ls: yes u are im impressed

OakdaleDad7: What else do I need to know besides lol?

filmgeek4ls: um

filmgeek4ls: thx is thanks

filmgeek4ls: btw is by the way

filmgeek4ls: some of the other ones stand for swear words

OakdaleDad7: Wow, you can clue me in on those tomorrow. When somebody curses at the refs, you can tell me what the internet version is.

filmgeek4ls: ha lol

OakdaleDad7: It's an afternoon game, so we'll need to leave early. How's 9 sound? We can stop and get lunch.

filmgeek4ls: 9 is good

filmgeek4ls: ive never been 2 a game. how much is the ticket

OakdaleDad7: Noah, I invited you. You don't pay.

.

filmgeek4ls: sir i wouldnt feel right if i dont pay my own way

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OakdaleDad7: I'm trying to hold my tongue here. And I think, failing.

OakdaleDad7: Your father never let you accept any kindness, did he?

.

.

.

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OakdaleDad7: I'm sorry, Noah. That was out of line. It just kills me that people caring about you makes you feel indebted. I wish I could take that away.

OakdaleDad7: In this family, we do nice things for each other. Nobody owes anything because of it. That isn't how it works. That should never be how it works.

.

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OakdaleDad7: Noah?

.

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filmgeek4ls: 1 sec

.

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OakdaleDad7: Are you ok? I upset you. I'm truly sorry.

.

filmgeek4ls: no. its ok u didnt

OakdaleDad7: You are as terrible a liar on here as you are in person.

.

filmgeek4ls: gee thx

filmgeek4ls: anyway it was just what u said about my dad. its true

OakdaleDad7: I know, son. I wish that it wasn't.

filmgeek4ls: its funny. when i was a kid i thought my dad was like great

filmgeek4ls: well i mean its not lol funny obviously

OakdaleDad7: Of course you felt that way. He's your father. That isn't wrong.

filmgeek4ls: YES it is

filmgeek4ls: sorry but it is. everything i thought was wrong. he hurts ppl. he hurt LUKE. he doesnt care about anyone but himself

filmgeek4ls: i see how u are. now i get what a fathers supposed 2 be like. i cant believe im such an idiot. i should never of cared about him

OakdaleDad7: Stop it. You are not an idiot. You are a caring, kind young man who deserves better than you got.

OakdaleDad7: And no matter what he's done, he's your father. You do not need to feel guilty for loving him.

filmgeek4ls: i dont i hate him now

OakdaleDad7: You hate what he's done. Look, I'm not going to tell you how to feel about anything. I just want you to know that however you feel is ok.

.

filmgeek4ls: luke is really lucky to have u

OakdaleDad7: Thanks, I appreciate that. But I'm in your corner, too. If you ever need anything, I want you to know you can come to me, all right?

.

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filmgeek4ls: ok

filmgeek4ls: really thx

filmgeek4ls: sometimes i still cant believe u dont hate me

OakdaleDad7: I can't think of anyone less deserving of hate. You are not your father. You are not your father's crimes.

OakdaleDad7: When you put that burden on yourself, it isn't fair. It's not fair to you. And it's not fair to the other people he hurt. If you take the blame he is due, it's almost like absolving him of his actions.

.

filmgeek4ls: i didnt think of it like that. im not trying to do that i know he is guilty

OakdaleDad7: I know you aren't. But every time you take that responsibility on yourself, that's like taking it away from him. It's no different than him blaming Luke for everything. In his mind that's how he absolves himself. You'd never let Luke take the blame for his actions. Don't let yourself do it, either.

.

.

filmgeek4ls: 4 somebody new to internet chat u sure type alot

OakdaleDad7: LOL

filmgeek4ls: lol

OakdaleDad7: Miss Parkington's 9th-grade typing class. The keys were a lot heavier, but at least all in the same place.

OakdaleDad7: So are we still on for tomorrow?

filmgeek4ls: definitely i wouldnt miss it

OakdaleDad7: I'm not going to fight you on the ticket thing, because it's more important to me that you don't change your mind. Heck, I won't even mention that I already have the tickets.

filmgeek4ls: hey

filmgeek4ls: ok then fine while ur at it you can buy my lunch 2

OakdaleDad7: Whoa now you're getting the hang of it! Though I'm starting to worry by tomorrow you'll be asking for a new car.

filmgeek4ls: no way

filmgeek4ls: i want a new pickup

OakdaleDad7: I'm reluctant to overuse my newly acquired internet jargon, but know I'm thinking lol in my head.

filmgeek4ls: ha

filmgeek4ls: seriously thx a lot

OakdaleDad7: It's my pleasure. And if you really want to spend money, you could always buy Luke one of those giant foam fingers.

filmgeek4ls: oh god those are so cheesy

OakdaleDad7: He'd love it.

filmgeek4ls: hed love it

filmgeek4ls: YES lol

filmgeek4ls: im totally doing that

OakdaleDad7: Great - I'll see you at 9, then.

filmgeek4ls: awesome THX. goodnight sir

OakdaleDad7: Goodnight, Noah.


	55. Chapter 55

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: We begin with a flashback to Holden's previous birthday, then jump forward to the day of Lily and Holden's remarriage.

* * *

_March 1, 2011_

Pulling into his driveway at lunchtime, Holden stopped to pick up the mail before continuing inside. Opening the box, he found several birthday cards mixed in with the usual assortment of junk offers from satellite providers, insurance companies, and sweepstakes giveaways. Most notable, though, was the squished manila package shoved towards the back of the box.

Holden grasped a corned of the parcel, pulling it forward. Upon retrieving it, he smiled as he read the first line of the return address._ Noah Mayer_.

In the house, Holden set the pile of mail on the kitchen table. Sitting down, he sorted the junk mail to be discarded unopened. Next, he read his birthday cards, enjoying the sweet and funny messages from family and friends.

Finally, Holden reached for the package. Emma had always taught him to save the best for last. And Holden was truly touched that Noah had sent him something on his birthday.

Reaching in, Holden pulled at the soft contents within. He retrieved a royal blue T-shirt. Curious, he unfolded the item, and reading the obviously custom-made shirt, his jaw dropped.

Meanwhile, Lily arrived home to meet Holden for lunch. The first sound she heard upon walking through the door was the robust laughter from the kitchen. Making her way there, she raised a bemused eyebrow as Holden noticed her presence.

"I got a birthday present from Noah," Holden explained.

When Holden lifted the shirt for Lily's inspection, she immediately joined in his laughter. "Oh, that's _perfect_," she joked, planting a quick kiss of greeting on Holden's lips. "And so very _thoughtful_," she added with a smirk.

Holden moved back enough to peel off the shirt he was wearing. Lily watched with appreciation, which didn't escape Holden's notice. "_After _lunch," he promised with a flirty wink.

Pulling on his birthday gift, he stepped back for Lily's appraisal. "So - how does it look?"

Lily giggled. "Like I said before - _perfect_," she teased as she read the slogan once more:

_Doin' Good For an Old Guy_

* * *

_March 3, 2012_

Holden checked his reflection in the mirror one last time. "This is about as good as it gets," he said wryly.

"Dad, you look great," Luke answered.

Holden readjusted his tie for the tenth or eleventh time. "Good enough to marry your mom?"

"Definitely," Luke affirmed. His mouth formed into an impish smirk as he tacked on, "Mom's not that picky."

"HEY!" Holden protested. After a beat, he mumbled under his breath, "Neither is Noah."

"DAD!"

They both laughed, enjoying the affectionate verbal sparring. Holden reached out to teasingly ruffle Luke's hair. Luke had let it grow out, and he looked younger - much like the boy who'd interned at WOAK. Throughout his lifetime, his dad had never been able to resist messing up his mop of hair when it was long like that.

Still, they both knew Luke wasn't that boy anymore. He had experienced and come through so much since then. Holden swallowed as he felt a burst of pride at the incredible man his son had become.

"Nah, Noah's a lucky guy," Holden amended, pulling an arm around Luke to stand them together in front of the mirror.

Luke beamed at the compliment as he met Holden's eyes in their reflection. His father's approval meant the world to him. "Thanks, Dad."

"You're welcome. It's true." Holden smiled, then added, "You're lucky, too."

Thinking of the amazing man he would soon marry, Luke nodded in agreement. "I know. Believe me, I know."

* * *

_Later that afternoon_

The wedding took place on the shores of Snyder Pond. The ceremony had been small, simple, and heartfelt. Faith happily served as Lily's maid of honor, while Natalie was the proud flower girl, and Ethan, the sometimes-wandering ring bearer.

With Luke's blessing, Holden had asked both himself and Noah to serve as his best men. No one balked at the traditionally solo position being turned into a dual role. Luke was thrilled with the idea, and Noah, surprised and touched to be asked, happily accepted.

A younger version of Noah would've insisted Holden didn't need to make room for him. But Noah 2.0 had learned to accept the blessings in his life, without always questioning whether he deserved them. He would always treasure the experience of standing at Luke's side, hand-in-hand, watching Lily and Holden pledge themselves to one other for the rest of their lives.

The reception at the farm was a happy celebration for the entire family. Lucinda spared no expense to hastily turn the Snyder backyard into a tented ballroom, complete with dance floor and twinkling lights throughout. The closest family members had flown in for the wedding, even despite the short notice, and the fact that it wasn't exactly the pair's first go at this. They all believed that this time, the couple so plainly meant for each other would finally be together for good.

Everyone took turns dancing with the bride. Even Noah, who wasn't especially renowned for his dancing prowess. Lily couldn't stifle a laugh as he stepped through the lace trim in the train of her dress, then comically tried to disentangle his shoe from it.

At the unmistakable sound of fabric ripping, though, Noah froze. Lily was more jarred by the horrified expression on his face than the injury to her dress. "Oh God... I'm _so _sorry...," Noah began despondently.

"_Noah_," Lily returned firmly, giving him her patented loving smile. "It's just a dress. Who cares? The important thing is, I get to dance with my handsome son-in-law!"

Relaxing at the genuine sentiment, Noah smiled back. "You mean, your double left-footed soon-to-be son-in-law," he joked.

Lily nodded. "It's true - you're not technically my son-in-law yet. Just my son," she finished, pecking his cheek lovingly.

Lily spied Noah's Adam's apple bob as he restrained his emotion. "Thanks," he began quietly. "I feel the same... I mean, you guys are just... the best."

Lily pulled the young man into a tight embrace. Sometimes, unbeknownst to him, he still broke her heart. Noah had triumphed over so much to become the self-possessed young man he was now. But occasionally, glimpses of the fragile boy slipped through, indicating that part of him would probably always be there to some extent.

Somehow, despite his upbringing at the hands of a terrible man, Noah was one of the most loving, compassionate people Lily had ever known. She was unendingly grateful that he and Luke had found each other. She wanted the best for them both.

Luke, too, loved deeply, almost to a fault. Like Lily, he had given Damian more chances than they ever should have. But Luke was loyal beyond belief. Even when every other person had given up on an individual, Luke would still believe; still hold out hope that somewhere inside, there was something to be redeemed.

Because of this, Luke could be easily hurt. It broke Lily's heart to know even she, who loved him so, had hurt him in the past. Over the years, she had made plenty of mistakes that harmed all her children, but the one that probably still troubled her the most was her initial refusal to accept that Luke was gay.

At least her other mistakes, though affecting her children, weren't usually _about _them. Refusing to accept her wonderful son still haunted her. That had basically amounted to making Luke feel lesser; like who he was simply was, at best, lacking, and at worst, wrong.

Though thankfully, she'd finally seen the light, Lily initially didn't understand the depth of the wounds her actions had caused. It was seeing the effect of the Colonel's actions against Noah that brought home the gravity of her mistake. Witnessing the aftermath of Noah's struggle to conform to his father's expectations made Lily better realize what Luke had gone through.

Luke had tortured himself struggling to hide his own identity for years. Lily had come to feel that it was most likely her fault. While she knew Luke had worried about reactions to his sexual orientation from the rest of his family and friends, Lily thought that if Luke had believed he'd have her support, he wouldn't have been so afraid to come out.

She cringed anytime she reflected that Luke hadn't told her for so long because he _knew_. Somehow, in his heart he had known his own mother wouldn't accept him. While eventually, she did, the damage had been done, and it had been a long road for them to reach the closeness they'd once had.

Now, Lily was both comforted and elated to know that Luke and Noah would always have each other. Together, they seemed to turn even the most brutal scars of their pasts into more manageable scratches. It heartened Lily that the strength of their love had brought them through countless obstacles, and would continue to see them through their lives together.

As the song ended, Noah stepped back from the embrace. "About the dress-"

"Noah, _stop_. We needed a funny wedding story for the annals of Snyder Family legend, anyway!"

At the sincere joviality in Lily's voice, Noah quipped, "I guess this can go up there with 'Old Spice'!".

"Hey - I heard that!" Luke's feigned affront signaled his arrival. "Anyway, I believe it's _my _turn to dance with Mom. And what's left of her dress..."

"HEY - I heard _that_!" Noah surprised Luke then, by not giving him the obligatory soft shoulder punch for such a crack, but instead swatting Luke lightly on his _butt_. Luke's shocked gasp of "NOAH!" and the immediate reddening of his cheeks signaled Noah's victory in _this _round of their ever-present teasing.

Noah winked at Lily before heading back to their table. Luke, still taken aback, exclaimed, "I can _not _believe he did that!"

"I know," Lily agreed. "He's come a long way!"

Detecting the approval in his mother's tone, an exasperated Luke replied, "MOM!"

In response, she simply raised an eyebrow, as if to ask "what?" At that, they both laughed. It was funny, really: the once closeted and repressed Noah Mayer actually slapping Luke's bottom in public. Luke was truly proud of how Noah had evolved. He could just do without the sexy PDAs in front of their family!

As Noah moved to return to his seat, he was stopped by Holden. "Can I borrow you for a moment, son?"

"Sure," Noah answered. "I think it's a little late for me to give you the birds and the bees talk, though."

Holden chuckled as he led the younger man back to the house. He gestured for Noah to sit at the kitchen table. As he did, Holden opened a drawer, pulling out a small gift box. He placed it on the table in front of Noah, before taking a seat across from him.

"Ummm...," Noah began, perplexed. "It's _your _wedding. I'm supposed to get _you _a present."

Holden nodded. "Yeah, I saw it on the gift table. It had better be good," he joked.

"Oh, it's _very_ good," Noah assured. "It's one of those singing fish you can hang on the wall."

"Thank God! Just what every couple needs to start their married life." With a mischievous glint, Holden added, "And I'll be sure to remember that for _your _wedding!"

They shared a laugh, before Holden instructed, "Open it."

Noah removed the bow-adorned box top, then lifted out the surprisingly weighty object. He pulled away the tissue paper to reveal the item within. It was an exquisite round mahogany display stand, lovingly carved by its creator.

At Noah's audible intake of breath, Holden explained. "It's for your Oscar. To show it off..."

"I know," Noah answered, his awed voice barely a whisper, and his eyes transfixed to the object before him. "It's beautiful."

"And don't worry - I measured the base of the award to make sure of the fit. It should hold it just right."

"I know," Noah repeated absently, his gaze still riveted by the incredible gift. He managed to redirect his attention to Holden, and said, "I mean, I'm sure it will fit. It's amazing. I don't know what to say."

Holden was pleased Noah liked the gift. "You don't have to say anything. I'm just glad you like it."

"Like it? It's awesome! Thank you. I can't wait to show everyone."

Their conversation was interrupted by a 'ping' sounding from Holden's laptop on the counter.

"Sounds like somebody's looking for OakdaleDad7!"

Holden grinned. "Then they're going to be disappointed. Anyone I want to talk to today is already here."

Noah mused, "I wonder how many other 'Oakdale Dads' are on there by now."

"No idea," Holden replied. "I don't even know if there were any others when I first got on that thing."

"Wouldn't there have been 6 before you? I assumed that's why you were 7."

Holden was surprised this had come up. He honestly hadn't given it much thought at the time. "No, I picked 7."

"Oh, yeah - lucky number," Noah remembered. "Was it the number of your football jersey in high school or something?"

"No," Holden responded. "The number of my kids."

Noah hilariously scrunched his eyes, mentally counting. "Um, Holden - your kids are all here."

"Yep," Holden confirmed.

"And... you only have six. Luke, Aaron, Faith, Abigail, Natalie, and Ethan," Noah listed.

The corners on Holden's mouth tugged up slightly. "You missed one of the boys.""Who?" Noah questioned. "I said Aaron."

"Not Aaron," Holden replied. "Noah."


	56. Chapter 56

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Picks up immediately from the last chapter on Lily and Holden's wedding day. In the first scene, Luke and Lily discuss the past while sharing a dance. In the second, Noah responds to the revelation that Holden has considered him a son for years.

* * *

_March 3, 2012_

Luke had an easier go of things on the dance floor with his mom than his fiancée had. Luke was more of a natural, and moved across the floor with ease. Both he and Lily enjoyed this moment together, basking in the happiness of their reunited family.

"I hope my wedding is as beautiful as this one," Luke finally said.

"I have no doubt it will be," Lily answered, beaming at her son in anticipation of his own special day. "And you've found a keeper in Noah. You know, he's a lot like your father-"

"Oh my God," Luke interrupted, affecting an expression of mock horror. "Are you trying to tell me I'm doing the gay version of marrying my mother?"

"Luke!" Lily swatted his shoulder, but giggled nonetheless. As her laughter subsided, she went on, "when you were younger, you were more likely to say something like that. You didn't have an internal censor, so you used to say whatever popped into your head."

"Don't remind me," Luke grimaced.

"It's not a criticism," Lily quickly explained. "It's just that, when you became a teenager, that seemed to disappear little by little. Until you often seemed to choose your words carefully, at least around me. Later, I realized it was because you were trying so hard to hide - and that was my fault."

"Mom, no," Luke argued. "I was just afraid. But my fear wasn't your fault."

Lily smiled wistfully. "Part of it was. You may not want to say that or may not even feel that way, but it was. If you had thought you could count on me, you would've been able to confide in me."

Luke shook his head. "I couldn't confide in _anyone _about being gay, Mom. It was alien to everything I knew! I didn't know any gay people - not any who were out, anyway. When I realized I was different, I didn't know how to accept it myself. How could I expect anyone else to?"

"You _should _have been able to expect that from _me_. I'm your mother! I can never apologize enough for that," Lily concluded sadly.

"All right," Luke finally said. "I understand what you're saying, but we _both _made mistakes back then. Big ones! And we've apologized and forgiven each other - at least, I thought we did. Do you forgive me for the lies, and the way I behaved?"

"Of course!" Lily's response was immediate.

"Then you have to forgive _yourself_, too, Mom," Luke asserted. "That was a hard time for all of us but we got through it, and we're stronger than ever now. I know I don't tell you this enough, but I am _so _proud that you're my mother. And I hope you can be proud that I'm your son."

"Luke," Lily said through tears. "I couldn't be prouder of you if I tried! You are the best son a mother could ask for." She wrapped her arms around the grown man she still saw as her little boy, holding tight, trying to physically surround him with all of her love. "I love you so, _so _much, baby. Never forget that!"

"I love you too, Mom," Luke said with feeling, returning the clinch. "I love you, too."

* * *

Noah didn't trust himself to speak. He could feel the palpable lump in his throat as he stared across the table at Holden. Soon, though, he could no longer see the older man through the tears that had welled up.

A cough that came out as more of a choking sound emerged from Noah as he tried to clear his throat. He could almost count the number of times he'd cried in his life, they were so few and far between. Yet, Noah realized that if he couldn't get a grip on himself, it wouldn't be the first time he'd lost it in Holden's presence.

Holden sat quietly, allowing Noah the time to compose himself. He hadn't meant to cause such a reaction, but couldn't have been dishonest with the boy, either. Noah was integral to their family, and had been for a very long time. There was no reason he shouldn't know that.

Noah thought back - years - to when he first remembered speaking to Holden online. He hadn't been Luke's boyfriend very long; maybe six months or so. Holden had flagged him down on instant messenger to invite him to a hockey game. It was shortly before Ameera showed up; that he remembered, because he'd had such a short time to be left alone to be happy with Luke before everything went crazy again.

He even remembered much of the conversation. Noah had almost declined the invitation out of guilt. Until a frustrated Holden insisted that he wasn't responsible for the Colonel's actions, and that he wasn't to blame for what happened to Luke.

When Holden argued that Noah punishing himself was like taking the blame away from his father, Noah relented, because the last thing he wanted to do was to absolve Winston in the least. And so they'd gone to the game, and Noah surprised himself by forgetting his self-recriminations for the day, and having a great time. He credited Holden's humor and compassion for that.

Holden never made Noah feel like he was inherently wrong in some way, as his own father always had. He joked with Noah, debated which team had the better goalie, and best of all, made Noah feel like he was worth spending time with_. _When Noah got home, he gifted Luke with both a giant souvenir foam finger (to Luke's delight), and a passionate, unrestrained kiss (to Luke's greater delight). Luke seemed to innately understand Noah's happiness, since he knew firsthand what it felt like to be accepted by Holden just for being himself.

Finally, Noah collected himself enough to speak. "That was four _years _ago. I don't even know what to say. You always treated me like I _mattered_. And so many times, I almost wished you _were _my dad. Except, you know, for the whole problem of that making me Luke's brother - that would be bad."

Simultaneously, they both burst into laughter. Noah needed the release, anyway, and was more comfortable venting this way than through the sobbing that had threatened. Sensing that Noah really wanted to keep it together, Holden brought up a lighter subject.

"Speaking of IM names, you're gonna have to change yours," he observed.

Noah's brow crinkled in confusion. "Why?"

"Have you changed your mind about marrying Luke?" he teased.

"What? Of course not," Noah replied. He knew Holden was kidding, but he didn't get the joke.

"Well in a couple of months you'll be 'film geek for L _M_', won't you?"

"Oh," Noah responded, finally comprehending. "Actually, no."

Holden thought it through. "Luke's keeping his name?" Admittedly, he couldn't help but be pleased. He didn't really know how it worked in gay marriages, but in the short time since their engagement, Luke had referenced becoming the _other _Mr. Noah Mayer several times. News that Luke would remain a Snyder couldn't help but warm Holden's heart.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about this," Noah began. To Holden, his tone sounded overly serious for the simple announcement that Luke would stay a Snyder.

"Well I approve, obviously," Holden enthused. "I would have no problem with Luke taking your name, but keeping your own names is fine, too. Of course I'd love him to stay a Snyder, but whatever makes you guys happy is the important thing."

"Good," Noah answered. This was _Holden_; there was no cause for concern. Sometimes old habits died hard, though. Still, he just needed to stop dragging his feet and come out with it. "I want to take Luke's name." There. He said it. And hoped to God Holden approved of _that_.

Across the table, it was Holden's turn to stare in disbelief at Noah. For what must have been only seconds, but felt like several eternities to the younger man. Long enough for Noah's old insecurities to come flooding back, and cruelly whisper that no matter how awesome a father figure Holden was, he wouldn't want to sully the Snyder name with Mayer blood.

The destructive torrent of such thoughts was momentarily derailed with the first sniffle from across the table. The older man had thrown his hands over his face, and Noah realized that _Holden _was suddenly crying. Noah felt ridiculously inept, not knowing what to do.

Then Holden wiped a hand across his face, offering Noah a watery smile along with an embarrassed apology. "I'm sorry," he explained. "I just didn't expect that."

Immediately, Noah moved to reassure him. "I don't have to! I mean, I should've realized how your family might feel about it. After everything my father did-"

"NO." Holden got up from the table with purpose, and moved to place a hand on Noah's shoulder. "That isn't what this was. I just had no idea you were even _thinking _of this. And Noah, you have to know how happy this makes me, and will make our whole family. I am so _proud_ to call you my son."

Well, dammit. To think, Noah had almost escaped this conversation without crying. Since he'd incited Holden to shed a few tears, though, he figured that was fair. Noah stood, and the two men embraced tightly, a true father and son in every way that counted.


	57. Chapter 57

AN: Disclaimers, notes, explanations, and recriminations are found in Chapter 1

When: Continues from Chapter 38. It's the morning following Luke's return home to Noah and Ollie in Oakdale after a trip out of town. This picks up following Luke and Ollie's 3 a.m. kitchen raid.

* * *

_August 2015_

Noah's eyes remained closed as he awoke. He felt like he'd slept late, and he probably had now that Luke was back home. Still, he suspected he'd have slept longer still, if not for the considerable weight currently lodged on his chest.

Without opening his eyelids, he whispered, "Good morning, Ollie."

He could practically feel the boy's smile greeting him. "Good morning, Daddy," Ollie returned, matching Noah's whisper with his own.

Finally, Noah opened one eyelid to regard his son bemusedly. "What time is it?"

Grinning down at his father, in silent answer Ollie held up all ten fingers, then comically tried to lower a pinky while leaving the other fingers raised. Noah lowered his eyelid, and enjoyed two more seconds of luxuriating in bed. Then he opened his eyes for good, and lifted Ollie to stand beside the bed, while Noah carefully extricated himself from it without disturbing Luke.

Taking Ollie's hand, Noah led him out of the room, down the hall, and into the kitchen. He swooped Ollie up to place him on a stool next to the center island. As he prepared breakfast for his son, Noah pretended not to notice the remnants of marshmallow fluff on the countertop that signaled another late night snack attack for Ollie and Luke.

* * *

_Earlier that morning_

He already knew about it, though. Around quarter to four, Noah awoke to find Luke no longer beside him. When he didn't return after ten minutes, Noah nearly hauled himself from the bed to search for his spouse, though he suspected he already knew where Luke was.

Just as Noah had been about to get up, he heard the soft footsteps in the hallway, as Luke walked past their room, doubtlessly on his way to tuck Ollie back in bed. At first, Noah closed his eyes to return to his dreams. When Luke crawled back into their bed moments later, however, the smell and warmth of him at Noah's side incited other, _better _ideas.

Though they had made love before falling asleep the previous night, Noah couldn't help the need from rising within him all over again. It wasn't the only thing rising. Deciding to act before Luke fell asleep, Noah quietly turned onto his side facing his husband, then scooted himself down underneath the sheets.

Assuming the movements were just part of Noah shifting to get comfortable again now that he'd returned to the bed, Luke didn't open his eyes. Not until he felt the quick tug at his pajama pants followed immediately by the tight, wet suction around him. "Noah!"

"Mmmm," was the only verbal response Luke received, the vibrations of which only served to make his suddenly-growing erection even harder.

"Noah, I didn't lock the door!"

_That _got Noah's attention. They always left their bedroom door unlocked in case Ollie need anything, with one exception. Times like _now_.

Suddenly, Luke grabbed the blankets and threw them aside. "Hurry up," he squeaked out, and Noah didn't need to be told twice, practically leaping from the mattress. He hurried to the door to quickly secure it, then thought to switch the bedside lamp on for soft lighting before returning to his husband.

Luke's hands were pulled into tight fists gripping the sheets beneath him, desperate in his anticipation. As eager as Noah was to resume the festivities, he couldn't help pause to drink in the erotic vision before him. A hot, needy Luke begging for his touch was pretty much the ultimate high.

As if on cue, Luke whined, "Bubby, _please_...". As much as he was enjoying the view, the frantic plea broke Noah's resolve to partake of it any further, instead spurring him to indulge in a more _tactile _appreciation of his spouse. Lowering himself back onto the bed, Noah's mouth hovered over Luke's groin, just near enough to ghost a teasing breath where Luke very much needed _more_.

Never renowned for his patience, Luke forced the issue by thrusting his hips upwards, bringing his hardness in firm contact with Noah's lips. Any restraint Noah had practiced until that point evaporated, as he eagerly opened his mouth to welcome the intrusion. Noah gripped Luke's sides to exert some control over the pace, but allowed his husband to continue thrusting with abandon into his very willing mouth.

Ever since the first time he'd done this with Luke (which, not coincidentally, was his first time doing this, _period_), Noah felt like he truly understood what it was to have a real addiction. For some people, it was gambling. For some, it was food.

For others, it was drugs. In Luke's case, alcohol, and it had proved an especially devastating compulsion on more than one occasion. Noah thanked God that ever since the dark post-election period years ago, no matter what Luke was going through, he'd found the strength to never again succumb to that self-destructive temptation.

For Noah, discovering his own addiction had been anything _but _destructive. As a matter of fact, it was completely the opposite: exhilarating and life-affirming. Because the one thing he was unquestionably hooked on was the taste and touch of Luke Snyder.

The first time Noah had tentatively taken Luke into his mouth, his mind had swirled with emotions as disparate as elation and terror. Yet at the feel of Luke's most intimate part moving past his lips, Noah was instantly overcome by a litany of sensations. The slide of Luke dragging over his tongue.

How the fullness in Noah's mouth felt natural and right. The enticing aroma of musk as Noah's nose tickled the surprisingly soft hair of his partner. Most especially, Luke's intoxicating, tangy flavor.

That had been the thing to knock Noah for six. He'd had the urge to give Luke that kind of pleasure for a long time. But Noah had always assumed that when he finally got the chance, the actual taste would simply be something he'd get used to.

Never had Noah realized he'd be hooked immediately, and come to crave that taste at all hours of the day. Never did he envision struggling to pay attention to an OU lecture or absentmindedly wiping down the same table twice at work, all while his mind was possessed with one thought: _I need to taste Luke NOW_. Never did he see himself pulling completely irresponsible, risky stunts like pushing Luke into the Java storage room and making the most of his 15-minute break.

Now, Noah pulled back briefly to tease Luke's slit with his tongue. Since Luke was especially sensitive there, it took a mere moment to send him bucking. Noah knew another factor in his "addiction" involved the heady high he derived from making Luke so helpless and wanton beneath him.

Apparently, Noah's husband was in no mood for further teasing. At least, not if the hands that harshly gripped his hair and roughly pushed his head forward were any indication. And Noah went along willingly - hell, _happily _- as his both his mouth and throat were ruthlessly invaded in the best possible fashion.

Luke upped the ante further still by throwing his legs over his lover's shoulders, using his knees to keep Noah's head firmly in place. As if Noah would _ever _try to escape such raw bliss. They both knew it wasn't a possibility, but Luke loved holding Noah hostage like this almost as much as Noah loved being trapped there.

The shared feeling of being at one another's complete mercy was _spectacular_. Every tug of his locks sent tiny pricks of pain to Noah's scalp, but only just enough to hurt in the good way. And as the intensity increased for both men, Noah's fingers digging into Luke's hipbones would probably leave the usual marks, but the possessive hold only served to enflame Luke further still.

As he hurtled toward the summit, Luke's body tensed. Noah was more than ready when his husband finally shattered, coming hard in his throat. He swallowed Luke's seed in satisfaction, proud of the effort he'd expended to receive his prize.

Noah swirled his tongue around Luke to insure he hadn't missed a spot, then gently removed his mouth. After tugging Luke's pants back up, Noah moved higher to join Luke face-to-face. Luke snuggled into Noah's neck, placing a kiss of awe and gratitude and love there. "Your turn," he whispered, his voice weakened from the strength of his climax.

"No," Noah answered. Luke always wanted to reciprocate, even when he was physically spent. While Noah appreciated his enthusiasm and sense of sexual fair play, Noah never pleasured Luke as a means to get the favor returned.

He did it simply because he loved doing it. In a different but very real way, it gave him every bit as much pleasure as it gave Luke. Now, Noah wanted Luke to be able to relax in the afterglow.

"But you haven't been taken care of," Luke protested.

"You're exhausted," Noah pointed out. "I should know; I made you that way." He knew the joke hadn't worked as a diversion when Luke opened his mouth to object again, so he quickly tacked on, "you can watch."

_Got him_, Noah thought smugly as he watched all thoughts of argument die on Luke's lips. They didn't do this often, but he knew that when they did, Luke _loved _it. While Luke laid his head in the crook of Noah's neck, Noah's hand moved lower, shoving his boxers down to grasp his still rock-hard arousal.

Luke's eyes followed, mesmerized as his husband began to stroke his own erection. Noah looked up to meet Luke's face. He was rewarded with the sight of Luke softly biting his lower lip in anticipation.

Noah leaned forward, gently fusing his mouth with Luke's. Then, he looked down - not because he needed to, but because he knew that doing so would prompt Luke to, as well. Wordlessly, Noah resumed his ministrations to himself, all with Luke pressed tightly into the side of his body, watching intently.

For each of them, this always felt exceedingly intimate. For Noah, it meant letting go of the last vestiges of his insecurities, trusting in Luke to be his safe place in this most exposed of moments. And for Luke, it meant the honor of being gifted with that ultimate trust.

As Noah continued to pump himself, Luke whispered words of praise and encouragement. "Touch yourself for me, Noah." "God, so hot baby." And finally, "come for me, bubby. Only for me."

Needless to say, Noah did exactly that. As he came down from his soaring high, Luke grabbed some tissues and lovingly wiped him clean, before tugging his boxers back in place. Tossing the wad into the trash can, Luke then brought a finger to his lips, showing Noah what he'd saved before inserting the digit into his own mouth, and sucking with a soft hum.

If Noah hadn't just come, that visual would've made him hard instantaneously. Still, his heart sure as hell flipped at the sight. He smiled at the love of his life, before leaning over to retrieve the blankets as Luke made a quick trip to unlock the door.

He also switched off the lamp, then spread the covers over them both once Luke returned. Finally, Noah laid on his back. While he loved spooning Luke, tonight he wanted a different kind of skin-to-skin closeness.

Instinctively, Luke understood, and shifted to lay chest-to-chest against Noah, whose arms immediately encircled him. Simultaneously, they drifted off into the most contented of sleeps, threaded with dreams of together and forever and family and _them_. Safe in the knowledge that no matter what obstacles and changes life had in store, everything they cared about would be held securely by the irrevocable constant that had sustained them for years: the unwavering, unbreakable bond of their love.


	58. Chapter 58

Disclaimer: I do not own ATWT characters.

When: This chapter is set four months after Luke and Noah's wedding, and three months after Ollie's birth.

* * *

_September 2012_

Luke woke from a fitful sleep with a start. It took him a few moments to gather his bearings in their new home. When he heard the piteous wail, though, he immediately realized what had woken him.

They'd only moved into this attractive seaside rental outside the city a few days ago. Luke still held a fondness for the admittedly cramped apartment where he and Noah had begun their new life together. But as Ollie's birth neared, and they accumulated furniture, clothing, and supplies for the impending arrival, both men realized their family, however small, had outgrown their tiny love nest.

They'd stuck it out for a few months in the cramped quarters, while searching for a suitable starter home in the area. Still, while they'd viewed plenty of options Luke thought were more than acceptable, Noah seemed to find fault with every last one. Knowing his husband wasn't especially picky, Luke realized something else was going on.

Namely, that despite his career success and the future projects he had lined up, Noah was resistant to making that last leap - home ownership - that would once and for all root their family to Los Angeles. Luke's suspicions were confirmed when he suggested renting a place for the time being, and Noah immediately approved the first house they visited. Luckily, Noah had received advances on two upcoming projects, so they were able to afford the rent with Noah's 50/50 rule firmly intact.

Now, Luke climbed out of bed, and began to navigate through the darkness towards Ollie's nursery. His hand ran along the wall to turn on the hall light, only to be met with no response when he flipped the switch. _Damn_.

He felt his way along the corridor until he reached Ollie's room. Upon entering it, Luke noted that the nightlight wasn't on, and the lights didn't work in this room, either. Realizing he hadn't heard the cries through the monitor, but simply down the hall, Luke knew now it wasn't just a blown bulb. They'd lost power.

Reaching Ollie's crib, Luke located and lifted the crying infant, only to be shocked by the heat emanating from the baby. _Oh my God_. He cradled the child against his chest, whispering soothing words as he stroked the baby's back.

Luke wanted to take Ollie with him to retrieve his phone. But he didn't feel confident enough in his familiarity with the layout of their new place to walk around in the dark holding the baby. Regretfully, he placed the distraught infant back in the crib. Luke promised to return quickly, though he realized Ollie couldn't understand him.

He cursed the timing of the power outage, not to mention the brief promotional trip that had taken Noah out of town to promote the DVD release of _From the Heart_. In his rush to get to his mobile in the bedroom and phone the on-call pediatrician, Luke slammed into the nightstand outside Ollie's room that held the baby's extra clothes. He stumbled backwards, losing his footing for good at the top of the staircase.

Tumbling backwards down the steps, Luke unsuccessfully grasped blindly for anything to catch himself on. He landed, hard, in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, his head smacking against the hardwood floor. As he tried to get up, and was felled by dizziness, Luke was overcome with terror - not for himself, but for his son.

Ollie was upstairs - sick, alone, and still screaming. Luke _had_ to get help for him. Again, he tried sitting upright, and again, the most intense wave of dizziness he'd ever felt overtook him.

_Oh God. Please help us. Please... _

Desperate, Luke tried a new approach, rolling over his battered body and slowly dragging it along the floor. An excruciating pain shot up Luke's left arm as he put weight on it, but he doggedly pushed forward. There was no moon on this night to give him any sense of which direction he was headed, but Luke finally reached what he realized was the couch. The house phone was located on the end table next to it. Finding the table, he reached up to retrieve the telephone.

Fumbling for it, Luke's heart fell further still as he realized that though there was a dial tone, the power outage had caused the numbers to no longer be illuminated. He had no idea how to find the 9 and 1. He frantically tried buttons he felt would be close to the right position, with no luck.

Upstairs, Ollie's wails seemed to intensify, as did the throbbing of Luke's head downstairs. His gut clenched at his predicament and his utter uselessness to Ollie in the moment when the baby needed him the most. Finally, Luke got the idea to try and find just the 0 on the phone, hoping if he could contact any other human, they could get some help to him.

As he made the first attempt, however, his injuries overwhelmed him, dragging Luke into unconsciousness against his will.

* * *

Noah leaned into the window as the cab approached home. He'd only been gone about 48 hours, but couldn't wait to see his family again. They'd mutually made the decision for Luke and Ollie to stay home, to help Ollie become acclimated to their new house.

It was a decision he regretted now. Noah had been thrilled when he'd been able to secure a spot on an earlier flight, but had barely had time to grab his carry-on and board the plane before takeoff. He hadn't been able to call and alert Luke, and decided his arrival home hours earlier could be a nice surprise.

Still, as he got closer to home, Noah felt the need to call and let Luke know he was almost there. At first, he chalked it up to wanting to make sure Luke didn't go to sleep without him. That way, he wouldn't have to wake him up to have a very nice reunion.

When Luke didn't answer his cell, however, Noah's need to hear his husband's voice grew exponentially. His concern made no sense - Luke was probably busy with Ollie, and the phone was likely out of reach. Noah next dialed the house phone, in case they were downstairs, but was met with a busy signal.

He knew this should have served as reassurance. Luke simply didn't answer because he was talking to someone on the other line. Still, as minutes passed, and Noah remained unable to reach Luke, an inexplicable feeling of dread began to expand in his gut.

He wished to God they'd taken the time to meet some neighbors, so he'd have someone else to call now. But the move had been hurried. The apartment had been bursting at the seams, and Noah wanted better for Ollie and Luke.

As the cab pulled up to the darkened house, Noah tossed a $100 bill to the cabbie, telling the man there was another $100 in it for him if he waited outside for five minutes. The feeling that something was wrong was that strong. Noah didn't want to send away potential help until he was sure they didn't need it.

Noah jumped out of the cab and ran up to the house, quickly unlocking the door. When he burst through it, he could see nothing. He located and turned the light switch to on, only to discover the power outtage.

"Looks like you could use this." Noah turned to face the cabbie, who'd noticed the lack of light, and exited the vehicle with a flashlight.

"Yeah. Thanks," Noah answered, gratefully accepting the object as he moved into the living room. "Luke? It's me. Luke?"

Noah listened for a response. After a few moments of silence, he was ready to try upstairs. Until he heard the pained groan from the area near the sofa.

Shining the light in that direction, Noah finally found his husband. Bruised, listless, and crumpled on the floor.

"Luke! Oh my God!" Noah rushed to Luke, dropping to his knees to sit at his husband's side.

Luke, barely conscious, was only able to mumble. "He stopped crying..."

"It's okay, baby. I'm here now," Noah soothed.

"No!" Luke struggled to open his eyes, and with his consciousness returning, broke down into agonized sobs. "Ollie... our baby! Oh God, Noah, oh no no no-"

"Luke! What do you mean? Where's Ollie?"

Noah had put the flashlight down beside him to take Luke's hands within his own. Still, there was enough illumination for him to be chilled by the bleakest look he'd ever seen on Luke's face.

"Our baby... Noah... I think he's dead!"


End file.
